I think I'm asexual?

[LittleBrownSparrow]

(sorry if this is long, I tend to ramble.)

I read about asexuality in a book and was astonished to find that how the character felt described me. At first I thought that it was made up, but then I found out more about it and discovered asexuality exists. The thing is, I'm not sure if I actually am asexual. And if I am, I'm worried that people might not like me because of it. The reason that I think that I am asexual is because I've never wanted sex. Since middle school everyone has always been talking about it, but it seems unnecessary, uncomfortable, weird and it's something I would prefer to die without trying. When people talk about kissing and licking and whatever else they want to do, I'm fascinated but wouldn't want to do it myself. I do have crushes, but I've never wanted to kiss them or touch them like most people when they talk about crushes. I've always felt like I was weird because of that. Once, I told my best friend about a crush, and she told me to ask him out. But I had no interest in having a relationship with him or anyone. I can't see myself being married. Romance has always seemed pointless to me. Kissing seems wrong and unhygienic and futile. And to be honest, I don't like people touching me. Sometimes I'm OK with a hug, but anything more than that and just no. I don't understand why people like sex so much and act as if going without it for a month is a big deal. My friend is forever going on about love and everything, and the idea of love seems nice, but not the romantic type. More the family love where a guy is like a brother to you. The idea of spending my whole life in a small house with a cat or dog is more appealing then having a husband and kids. I've tried masturbating but I didn't enjoy it. I've heard that there are more than one type of asexual, but I'm not sure what type and if I even am asexual. Thoughts?

[Anthracite_Impreza]

You sound asexual to me as you don't desire sex and wouldn't be bothered if you never had it. You also however sound aromantic, which is not desiring a romantic relationship; your sexual and romantic orientations can be different, contrary to popular belief. I am also an aro-ace, so feel free to ask any questions

[LittleBrownSparrow]

Thank you, that's helpful. ヽ(´▽｀)/

[Zsareph]

Hey there, welcome to AVEN *offers cake * you definitely sound asexual. Bear in mind that if you're young you could be a "late bloomer" that will eventually be sexual, but even then that wouldn't invalidate how you feel now so don't let that stop you from using the asexual label if you want to. As for different types of asexuals, the usual divider is romantic orientation, but there's also the "asexual umbrella".

Basically there are people who are asexual, but there are also others who have been or are sexual in rare or specific circumstances, called greyasexual (or greysexual, or gray with an a if that's how you spell it). Within the grey/gray area, another common term is demisexual, which means that a person can be sexually attracted to/sexually desire another person but only if they have formed a strong emotional bond with that person first, and even then it's not guareteed to happen. There are plenty of other specific terms that people here identify as but those are the ones you'll see most often. Full lists can be found on AVEN with a little searching.

As for romantic orientation, an asexual can be romantically attracted to/romantically desire people. The romantic terms are pretty much the same ones you'd use for sexuality, but with "romantic" instead of "sexual". E.g. Heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromanitc, panromantic and so on. There are also aromantics, the romantic version of asexual, who don't feel romantic attraction to/ romantically desire anyone (this sounds like it could be you if your crush was more of what the people on AVEN here would call a "squish", which is more platonic but I'll let someone who knows more about that explain properly), greyaromantics and demiromantics.

The last thing I can think of that would differentiate asexuals would be their attitude towards sex, e.g. How do they feel when talking about it, watching it, or reading about it? Will they have sex with a partner? As far as I'm aware, the terms used to describe this are sex positive, sex averse, and sex repulsed. Again I'm not too knowledgeable about this area so if someone else could explain that better that would be great.

There's quite a lot of opinions here about what "counts" as fitting under certain labels, what some labels actually mean (you may notice I've been mentioning attraction/desire a lot, there's a lot of debate over that), and whether some labels are actually necessary, so be prepared to find people disagreeing with each other. It's a bit confusing, but considering most of what is considered the asexual community is online, disagreement over all these things we're suddenly able to put names to is kinda expected. If you want to know more, I'd advise looking through the site and seeing what other people have to say (I'm still a bit new so I'm probably not 100% correct on everything) Sorry if this is a tad overwhelming.

One last thing: try not to worry too much about about people not liking you because of who you are. There will be people who won't understand or accept the idea of asexuality, but there are also plenty of others who will respect you for you. If you are really concerned about how people will see you, perhaps try mentioning the idea of asexuality without telling them about yourself and it should give you a good idea about how they would react if you told them how you identified. Keep in mind that you don't have to tell people about being asexual if you don't want to. I hope this helped to explain a few things, sorry it was so long.

[Imerza]

Welcome to AVEN! I would reccomend looking at the questions about asexuality thread for more information.