Kihia Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Hi, i've joined this forum a few days ago, and i'm really glad about that, but , like a lot here i guess, i still have a lot of questions, and maybe someone can help me to understand. I'll use a part of my presentation in my welcome topic: "I started to feel uneasy frome the beginning: my classmates started to date and wanted to have sex, and i just wasn't able to understand why? I was never attracted to someone, girl or boy, i can say " yeah! that's a great body!" but that doesn't mean i want to have sex with this person. I felt lost for a lot of time then finnaly i begun to discover something different and less known, apart from the classic etero, bi, gay and lesbian. I started to understand that i have a lot in common with other asexual people, that helped me and not helped me at the same time, because in daily life that's not easy. But there are two thing that i can't still understand about myself and my position in asexuality. The first thing is that even if i'm not attracted to real people often i watch porn and masturbate, i'm not really proud of that and usually i can't tell anyone. The fact is: i like something that is on the screen or in a immage or in my mind, but i can't even think of doing that with someone. Some tells it's self sexuality, but others tells that that's involving the fact that you are attracted by yourself, and that's not true in my case. The other thing is affection: i'd really like to have someone to love, maybe just in a romantic way, i don't know, but i just can't, Everyone tells me that it's because i'm young but it's not that, i just feel that i can't even go close to love, but i'd want to, so i don't know what to do, really..." That's it... advices? comments? Opinions? Everything is welcome Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Imerza Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 You can be asexal and still watch porn and masturbate. This is because you can watch porn but not be sexually attracted to the people you watch. As for romanic orientation, you may be aromantic if you haven't felt a romantic attraction torwards anyone. Alternatively, you could have just not met someone your romantically attracted to, are demiromantic, or have another romantic identity. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kihia Posted August 1, 2016 Author Share Posted August 1, 2016 Thank you for your answer! For the first question i think you just really simply gave me the answer xD As for the second i have more thoughts... i know about aromantic people, and many times i thought that maybe i am one, but even if i am, i'm not good with that, i can axept being asexual, but not aromantic, i donìt now why... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Imerza Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Well, if you accept that you're asexual and aromantic, you're saying to yourself that it will be hard to find other relationships beside friendship, like a queerplatonic relationship. That might be why you feel this way. The best advice I can give is to think carefully about the encounters you've had with people. Don't worry about being too young, you can always change your identity later, so identify yourself by how you currently feel. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kihia Posted August 1, 2016 Author Share Posted August 1, 2016 The existance of queerplatonic relationships is new to me, but i feel that's close to me ( i've read something on google) . Probably i just have to " live and see", thank you very much for your help Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kihia Posted August 1, 2016 Author Share Posted August 1, 2016 The existance of queerplatonic relationships is new to me, but i feel that's close to me ( i've read something on google) . Probably i just have to " live and see", thank you very much for your help Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Imerza Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 No problem. If you have any other questions, feel free to PM me. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
_Need_Advice765 Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Hi, i've joined this forum a few days ago, and i'm really glad about that, but , like a lot here i guess, i still have a lot of questions, and maybe someone can help me to understand. I'll use a part of my presentation in my welcome topic: "I started to feel uneasy frome the beginning: my classmates started to date and wanted to have sex, and i just wasn't able to understand why? I was never attracted to someone, girl or boy, i can say " yeah! that's a great body!" but that doesn't mean i want to have sex with this person. I felt lost for a lot of time then finnaly i begun to discover something different and less known, apart from the classic etero, bi, gay and lesbian. I started to understand that i have a lot in common with other asexual people, that helped me and not helped me at the same time, because in daily life that's not easy. But there are two thing that i can't still understand about myself and my position in asexuality. The first thing is that even if i'm not attracted to real people often i watch porn and masturbate, i'm not really proud of that and usually i can't tell anyone. The fact is: i like something that is on the screen or in a immage or in my mind, but i can't even think of doing that with someone. Some tells it's self sexuality, but others tells that that's involving the fact that you are attracted by yourself, and that's not true in my case. The other thing is affection: i'd really like to have someone to love, maybe just in a romantic way, i don't know, but i just can't, Everyone tells me that it's because i'm young but it's not that, i just feel that i can't even go close to love, but i'd want to, so i don't know what to do, really..." That's it... advices? comments? Opinions? Everything is welcome 1) It´s perfectly normal and okey to masturbate even if you are ace. But to be honest, I think there is another answer to why you only like it on the screen or in your mind, but not thinking of doing it with someone. But I can´t really tell... Think you´ll have to reflect on why and maybe do some more research on the subject. 2) That´s sad, wanting it without feeling you are capable of it. And I understand it makes you sad, I´m sorry for you. If you want it, maybe you can explore the possibilities, and try? I know it can feel hopeless sometimes, but if you want it I would try to figure out why you think you aren´t capable of love. If you figure out why, it can be something you can work on, trust issues, commitment issues, etc. If you are a-romantic and figure out you can´t have a "normal" love-relationship, maybe you can meet fellow a-romantics and build relations you are both capable of. Good luck, I hope you´ll figure it out one day, be pasient and open-minded, sometimes things shift in the blink of an eye. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Very few people watch porn for the actors. It's the act itself that's attractive, that makes it easier to orgasm. This isn't specific to asexual folks - it's a general human thing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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