Where Am I On the Asexy Spectrum?

[Confused-A]

I have been really confused with my sexuality and where I am on the asexual spectrum. I know I have sexual attraction to guys but for some reason that attraction wanes as I get to know them. Often times it is some guy I find attractive but whenever initiated into sex I back off and lose sexual attraction.

Can someone talk to me about this? I really need assistance.

[Sockstealingnome]

Well first off IS it sexual attraction? Do you want to get physically intimate with them at first or do you just like the way they look? You can find someone physically attractive and still not be sexually attracted to them. Are you someone who is just positive to the idea of sex and not the act itself? For instance, theoretically I think sex will feel very good but when it comes time to perform, I go cold.

[Confused-A]

Yes it is sexual attraction and I do have urges or thoughts to get physically intimate. I like the idea of sex but whenever I am confronted with the act I "go.cold". I think sex will feel very good but I end up losing my sexual attraction and I just become uncomfortable.

Does that help? Also thank you.

[Sockstealingnome]

Yes it is sexual attraction and I do have urges or thoughts to get physically intimate. I like the idea of sex but whenever I am confronted with the act I "go.cold". I think sex will feel very good but I end up losing my sexual attraction and I just become uncomfortable.

Does that help? Also thank you.

But are those urges and thoughts spurred on specifically by another person and not by them already engaging in something sexual? Is it someone just passing you on the street? Is it someone you've gotten to know and developed attraction for?

[Confused-A]

Yes it is sexual attraction and I do have urges or thoughts to get physically intimate. I like the idea of sex but whenever I am confronted with the act I "go.cold". I think sex will feel very good but I end up losing my sexual attraction and I just become uncomfortable.

Does that help? Also thank you.

But are those urges and thoughts spurred on specifically by another person and not by them already engaging in something sexual? Is it someone just passing you on the street? Is it someone you've gotten to know and developed attraction for?

This is spurred by another person and not by them engaging in something sexual. As for who the person may be, it could just be someone who i passed by on the street and I found attractive.

[Sockstealingnome]

Yes it is sexual attraction and I do have urges or thoughts to get physically intimate. I like the idea of sex but whenever I am confronted with the act I "go.cold". I think sex will feel very good but I end up losing my sexual attraction and I just become uncomfortable.

Does that help? Also thank you.

But are those urges and thoughts spurred on specifically by another person and not by them already engaging in something sexual? Is it someone just passing you on the street? Is it someone you've gotten to know and developed attraction for?

This is spurred by another person and not by them engaging in something sexual. As for who the person may be, it could just be someone who i passed by on the street and I found attractive.

Well that certainly sounds like attraction. Maybe you're aromantic. Do you find it's easier to sleep with someone you don't know well? That could explain why you lose interest once they become more familiar and a possible romantic interest. Unless it bothers you, I wouldn't say anything is wrong with you. Monogamous, long-term relationships don't work for everyone.

[Star Bit]

Lithsexual aka Aposexual (which i prefer because its prefix isn't a metaphor) is when reciprocation does not trigger a positive reaction; immediately or over time it results in loss of interest, aversion, or repulsion. Some can keep attraction if the partner indifferently unreciprocates. It's a type of Gray-A.

[Ficulnean]

Well first off IS it sexual attraction? Do you want to get physically intimate with them at first or do you just like the way they look? You can find someone physically attractive and still not be sexually attracted to them. Are you someone who is just positive to the idea of sex and not the act itself? For instance, theoretically I think sex will feel very good but when it comes time to perform, I go cold.

I needed to read this a lot sooner. Please keep answering these types of questions, I think you do wonderfully and don't have much to add except that the confusion over possible asexuality ought not lead to extra confusion over ones desires.

To Confused A, I'd also add as a possibility that you have very active fantasies. Mayhap they land you in the Grey area and your identification with asexual is just due to an aversion (not necessarily psychological) towards sex at the last stage possible. For you to have a place in this community, there's no preset shape you need to fit. So long as you find some advice here helpful, you have a right to be here.

[Confused-A]

@sockatealingnome. I do identify as aromantic because I have never fallen in love. Never had the urge and can't really relate to romantic attraction. I find it difficult to sleep with anyone because I often lose sexual attraction very quickly.

And thank you. The help is really appreciated. Im learning about myself and it is welcomed.

[Confused-A]

Lithsexual aka Aposexual (which i prefer because its prefix isn't a metaphor) is when reciprocation does not trigger a positive reaction; immediately or over time it results in loss of interest, aversion, or repulsion. Some can keep attraction if the partner indifferently unreciprocates. It's a type of Gray-A.

I did play an asexual quiz and I aligned with gray ace so I think that helps me. Lithsexual is relatively new to me but I like it. That describes me pretty well. I'll keep with gtay-ace then. It makes me feel best about myself and how I feel.