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How to tell Readers a Character is Asexual?


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I looked around and I figured this was the best part of the forum for this question since it is technically a question about Asexuality.

The other day I came across a series that might have an ace as the main character and my heart jumped in joy and hope. I never realized that being able to look at a character as say 'yes I'm like that' would feel so joyful.

So I decided that the main character of my story would be an ace like me.

The only trouble is that I have no idea how to bring it up in a graceful way. I want the readers to know at the beginning of the story so that they know that is who this character is. It's a fantasy love story where they will get together in a relationship by books end and in a way I guess I could leave it until the end but...

Here's the question:
How would you go about telling a reader that a character is Asexual?

Thank you all for all your help! I really appreciate it!
I'm also sorry if I did get the wrong part of the forum for a question like this!

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We definitely need more ace characters! This is a great idea!

I read a book with an ace main character. Though the term was never used, it was made quite clear that she had no interest in any sort of romantic or sexual relationship every time an advance was made on her.

I actually have an ace character in the story I've been working on. Her asexuality will (at least at this point) be revealed when another character asks her out.

You could have your character wear an ace ring as well. That should alert some readers, though not all. I guess just think back to any time you've come out to someone, or thought about how you see the world differently than a sexual person, and put something like that in. It's what happens in real life, after all.

I hope this helps!

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alpacaterpillar

One idea might be to have a situation in the story where sexuals would behave one way and asexuals behave another, and have this character behave in the latter manner :) This doesn't have to be a particularly major event, something like a conversation which briefly touches on sexual relations at some point, or something like that.

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HonoraryJedi

Hiya, good luck with your story! As for the question, I think it will depend on the setting how you want to set it up. You said yout story is fantasy, so it might not feel as natural to use the term asexual directly as it would in a modern setting.

Still, fantasy lends itself well to letting you decide yourself how the world works. How well known something is, and what the culture thinks of it. Perhaps they have their own word for ace, perhaps based on a famous ace person in that setting (similar to Sappho from Lesbos, or the way we use 'platonic love') Perhaps they have their own signifier, similar to the black ring that was suggested before? (Not that I'd recognize that myself, I didn't hear about black rings until yesterday, and I still might not make the assumption if I saw one) Perhaps, depending on what the focus is in the story is, it is enough to have the ace character hang around sexual characters and not be interested in sex the way they are. It won't work if sex wouldn't have come up either way, of course. That isn't bad in itself, it would just make sexuality a litte more ambigous. Different cultures in a fantasy setting can view sex and sexuality differently, so it could come up in an explanation of cultural differences.

And basically, as Andiamo and Axestopper Pete touched on too, but with different words, any time something relating to sex or sexual relationships comes up, even if briefly, it is a chance for your character to react to it, and so clue the reader in on their point of view.

As an example! I am rereading the first Deed of Paxenarrion right now, (a favourite, I'd recomend it) wich is a fantasy where the title character comes off as being likely asexual from very early on. When asked why she refused to marry the man her father picked out, she was asked if it was becuase she wanted someone else, or because she's lesbian (though they use another word in the book) and she clarified that she was not interested at all. She's also in a mercenary company where they are pretty casual about sex, so it is set up early that she is propositioned and plain not interested. No difference between sex and romance was made though, from what I recall, so with a love story you might want to do things slightly differently.

I hope there is something in there that might be helpful to you, I may have been carried away here ^^'

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Telecaster68

You don't tell, you show. As someone else said, put them in a situation where how they deal with their asexuality impacts on the action, and do it a few times (reacting to friends eyeing up people, turning someone down, coming out, etc). If you're inside their head, you could have some puzzling over how to deal with it, etc. and then follow through on the consequences for that relationship. Just explore it like you would any other part of their character.

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Hiya, good luck with your story! As for the question, I think it will depend on the setting how you want to set it up. You said yout story is fantasy, so it might not feel as natural to use the term asexual directly as it would in a modern setting.

Still, fantasy lends itself well to letting you decide yourself how the world works. How well known something is, and what the culture thinks of it. Perhaps they have their own word for ace, perhaps based on a famous ace person in that setting (similar to Sappho from Lesbos, or the way we use 'platonic love') Perhaps they have their own signifier, similar to the black ring that was suggested before? (Not that I'd recognize that myself, I didn't hear about black rings until yesterday, and I still might not make the assumption if I saw one) Perhaps, depending on what the focus is in the story is, it is enough to have the ace character hang around sexual characters and not be interested in sex the way they are. It won't work if sex wouldn't have come up either way, of course. That isn't bad in itself, it would just make sexuality a litte more ambigous. Different cultures in a fantasy setting can view sex and sexuality differently, so it could come up in an explanation of cultural differences.

And basically, as Andiamo and Axestopper Pete touched on too, but with different words, any time something relating to sex or sexual relationships comes up, even if briefly, it is a chance for your character to react to it, and so clue the reader in on their point of view.

As an example! I am rereading the first Deed of Paxenarrion right now, (a favourite, I'd recomend it) wich is a fantasy where the title character comes off as being likely asexual from very early on. When asked why she refused to marry the man her father picked out, she was asked if it was becuase she wanted someone else, or because she's lesbian (though they use another word in the book) and she clarified that she was not interested at all. She's also in a mercenary company where they are pretty casual about sex, so it is set up early that she is propositioned and plain not interested. No difference between sex and romance was made though, from what I recall, so with a love story you might want to do things slightly differently.

I hope there is something in there that might be helpful to you, I may have been carried away here ^^'

Deed of Paksenarrion were the same books I was talking about! You said it better, though.

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I would have her (assuming it's a "her") be at a bar or sillimar with a group of girlfriends. The other girls are all Ooooohing and Ahhhhing over this "hot" guy! And so she fakes it, mimicking the things she heard people say, pretending in the way she has learned over the years.

And she mentally talks about how she always fakes it to "fit in" but has never felt the way her peers have. Maybe she thought she was gay but women did nothing for her either.

So instead she says "oh, yeah, get a load of those abbs!" And giggles and twitters like the other girls, while mentally wondering what big deal is.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Show don't tell :)

I, think you may find inspiration in the "Best ACE Moments" thread. Allow your character to go through experiences as an ace describing their feelings and reactions before the character comes out as ace. Literature can be do helpful to allow people to walk in the doors of others. If they are labeled first, people may become stuck on that, but doing so could have advantages,too. Doing so would place your audience at keen attention, which would allow you to highlight certain perspectives/struggles/victories. But ultimately, your piece is up to you and there are many angles from which you could write.

No matter which you choose, I think including situations that differentiates the thought process of an ace from a sexual person is crucial. Best of luck!! :-)

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To echo what's already been most helpfully suggested, I'd have your character just naturally express asexual preferences without drawing that much attention to it - not showing interest in certain things, showing disinterest in other things, etc. Then, if you want to convey the fact to the readers, you could do it like it sometimes happens in real life - have someone close to the character ask about it! You could also possibly spin that around and have your character initiate the conversation and confide in that close someone for guidance or support. Hope that helps c:

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NerotheReaper

For me, I revealed the sexuality of the main character in a particular scene. I personally think it is well done, and somewhat comical. I saw a comment on here "show, don't tell." Show them how an asexual handles a situation compared to how a sexual would.

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