High school is the worst place for asexuals.

[Member106624]

.

[fuzzipueo]

High school inhaled for any number of reasons, but not because of my ace-ness. Being a teenager is just rough all around and that is a universal experience as far as I can tell. :) Never went to Homecoming or Prom as I did not see the sense in wasting money on dresses nor would I have actually enjoyed those events. Not being a crowd person, I actually found going to the damn pep rallies far more nerve wracking than going to classes (another waste of time as I just did not buy into the whole "school spirit" thing) and those were mandatory. Gah.

College was a breath of fresh air and far more intellectually stimulating and challenging. I'd still be going if they hadn't essentially told me I needed to graduate. LOL

[Rising Sun]

Middle and high school have the worst bullies by far. :(

[JAKQ7111]

Middle and high school have the worst bullies by far. :(

Middle school was the worst for me, historically, but lots of others say high school is just as bad. That sucks overall. Also, middle school and high school is when most people undergo their sexual awakenings, and the culture tends to become highly sexually charged as a result. Not exactly making for a very ace-friendly environment, that. Bullies + Sexually Charged Culture = No Damn Fun

[SorryNotSorry]

Looking back, high school (or any public school, really) is the kind of place you should send your kids if you really don't like them, and wish they'd kill themselves.

I mean, how else would you explain some parents who throw their severely deformed, badly burned, or profoundly depressed kids into these hellholes where their fellow students make every effort to drive them to suicide?

Public schools are a functional violation of the 8th Amendment's ban on cruel & unusual punishment:

[Nylocke]

The only thing worse then high school is college. But high school was torture enough as all the intellectual inferiors spent time joking about nicknames for genitals instead of actually studying and expanding the intellect which is the only purpose that school serves ...

[Hermit Advocate]

While I agree that middle school and high school are both terrible, I don't have any issues with college. I think that's because each quarter or semester you're in a new class with new people and if you keep to yourself and don't interact with anyone outside the classroom, you can skate by in anonymity.

[UncommonNonsense]

Elementary school, middle school, and high school were all terrible, damaging, and largely a waste of time for me. But high school was really the first time I ever actually feared for my life daily. There were over 5000 kids in my school. I am faceblind, so I could never identify someone who assaulted me. I'm also phobic of crowds, so whenever classes changed and the halls were packed, I was on the edge of a panic attack. I actually began carrying a folding knife in my pocket as a means of hopefully defending myself if things got really out of control. I was not one of the pretty, girly-girl types, and I was geeky, odd, and had interests that were very different from my so-called peers (I was also autistic but had not been told about my diagnosis [neither had the school]) so I ran around with a target on my back all through high school. My differences made it hard to make friends, and though I eventually made quite a few friends, for the first year especially, I was often alone. And a geeky, odd kid who didn't conform who happened to be alone was always an instant target for bullying, harassment, and physical attacks, and since this was high school, some of those attacks became sexual in nature.

I also ended up earning the hatred of a group of popular girls who were horrible bullies simply because my best friend happened to be a gay boy. They bullied both of us relentlessly and ordered their boyfriends and their boyfriends' friends to harass and attack us. That's when my friend and I began pretending to be dating as a heterosexual couple. We were best friends, so 'dating' was easy. We just went and hung out together, went to movies, goofed around, and fooled 5000 idiots into thinking we were *really* a couple. It wasn't hard.. being seen at the movies with me sitting with my head on his shoulder and his arm around me.. walking holding hands through the school halls.. hugging before we left at the end of the day. We fooled them all! And suddenly, since the homophobes now had to believe that my gay friend was hetero (since he was 'dating' me), they considered him one of their own, somehow 'safe' to be around, and the bullying mostly stopped for both of us. Mostly, because I was still odd, quirky, and interested in things most of them thought boring or strange, so I still ended up getting crap from some people.

HS is hell for anyone who is at all different. A lot of my friends were kids who were different in some way or another, and we often talked about how rotten HS was for us. It's tough being the only kid in the school who needs a wheelchair, or the only Asian or Black kid in a school populated by mostly white kids, or the kid who happens to be the fattest kid in school, or the kid who is struggling with a learning disability, or poor, or the one dealing with an alcoholic parent, or the gay/lesbian/asexual kid, or whatever... these were my friends, and I think we banded together to survive, because we understood each other and defended each other.

[Artistofnoname]

One thing I learned is you can't make people understand you especially since the concept of asexuality is not something easily conceivable by people who aren't and you know what that's fine. I don't blame them at all. And if you keep trying to force people to understand you're going to be in for a lot of disappointment and just create more stress for yourself so best thing to do is just let it go. let people be the way they are and go on with your own life don't push the issue or try to project onto them. Sure there's always going to be people that tease or pick on you for it heck I was several times but you just gotta learn to be the bigger person and handle it differently. You can answer questions or explain your side but that's about it.

[anzu2snow]

I don't think I entirely hated high school. It was a good mix of good times and bad times. Probably like that with many people regardless if they're ace or not. Personally, I loved the dances, and thought it was a great way to be social. I didn't care for the 'grinding' some guys did at those dances. I never really understood the importance of prom. But, luckily, when my class was going to have theirs, I went with the school band to New York City. It was for a big international band competition. Got to play at Carnegie and Lincoln Center. There was a huge formal dance at that for the participants. I was a lot more into that. Got to meet people from around the world, won a few awards, and didn't seem to sleep the entire time we were there. Although, I sprained my ankle badly after the dance part and couldn't walk around much. I still had a blast there. I did feel weird about how everyone seemed to be pairing up during high school. Like, it was the thing to find a significant other, have sex with them, break up, and then do that whole thing over again. I thought band, going out with friends, studying, projects, were a lot more important. That's the thing I didn't like. The not understanding why there was such a drive to do that sort of thing. Even my friends were saying things like: doesn't he look hot? Who would you go out with? I didn't get it. I wanted to.

[ScattaBrain]

I'm about to go into my Senior year of high school in 2 days, and let me say I DESPISE how my high school is being run. I'm not a big fan of about half of the student body, either. With the exception of my best friend, being surrounded by people who have no idea what asexuality is can take a toll. Believe it or not, my worst school years were in elementary school, and it pretty much made me learn to stay under the radar through middle and high school and make myself known when necessary. After Sophomore year, I made a goal to open up a little bit and to make at least one more friend. I made progress about being open and out there with my interests (Despite MANY raised eyebrows), but not my asexuality. With Senior year starting, I finally feel like I can let that out to anyone who's curious. If they don't know what it is, then the briefest explanations will do. I have a pretty good feeling about my Senior year.

[IBendTheLine]

I can understand the pressure that high school seems to put on being active or interested in that stuff, especially with how tension and immaturity combine there...

but oh boy college is a bit more polarizing. At least there you can choose which environment you're surrounded by. High school you're kinda forced and suffocated by it if you're not careful (trust me).

but banning the big social events is different. That depends on your friends if it's that direction or not. Pro-sexual isn't anti-asexual.

[Scott1989]

From my personal experience, I would say uni was worse than high school or college from being an ace perspective (though I didn't identify as an ace until near end of college).

Before I continue, we have a different education system here in the UK so gonna clear this up to avoid confussion as I get the impression most of the previous responses are more US based anwers.

High School = 8th year of school up to a minimum 12, max 14 years, with you picking your classes more after 2 years. Before that was Primary School which was first 7 years of school(may differ in England but that's what we get in Scotland).

College = US community college. They can be used to advance to a University afterwards.

University= US college.

Ok so my personal experience is that although I preferred further education (college and uni), that was down to being treated like an adult, in a less strict environment and only learning what I wanted to learn, Uni for me was worse from an ace prospective.

High Schools here don't have the same culture for things like sports isn't a big factor (yes there was sports teams but nobody would go to just watch really), and yearbooks were very rare. We did have annual dances, dubbed "social dancing" which had specific PE classes running up to it, teaching Céilidh dances (though this may of been more of a Scottish thing). Schools did make this super awkward though, and looking back, felt like they were trying to ship people. I didn't bother the last 2 years which earned me the nearest thing to a detention I've ever seen in the UK. I was barred from attending the dances themselves and had to spend the dance practise time in a classroom quietly, which just meant more time to do last minute homework without missing out on free time. Apart from that talks weren't very sexual (we used sexual terms to mock each other but there wasn't much mocking of lack of sexuality, or I avoided it somehow). There weren't many clubs and those that existed were poorly attended.

College for me was the best time from an ace prospective. A lot of the students there were mature students, so I was with a lot of people who were older than myself, some by a couple of years, others by decades, so they weren't as interested in sexual conversations. There were no clubs or societies, so they didn't cause any problems.

Uni however was the worst. It probably would of been fine, if it wasn't for the fact I joined a sports team. It helped me be more social and to try a sport I probably wouldn't of had a chance to play otherwise. Yeah again, nobody really came to watch unless they knew somebody or lived nearby, interested in the sport and were in the know so that wasn't an issue. The issue came down to the social aspect. Because I ended up with more people at a similar age, and some a bit younger, sex was a big topic again. I've mentioned a few times here how I've had a good night ruined by them putting huge pressure on me having sex with somebody they got involved just to "help" me lose my virginity. Parties were more sexualised as well, and nobody seemed to believe asexuality was a thing (before uni they didn't care thus allowed asexuals to fly under the radar). Outside of the sports teams, I rarely had 2 classes with the same people in them so it was harder to get in awkward situations with them. The flip side however was that Céilidhs at them were less awkward. I can think of at least 2 that I went to. 1 was after I was sold at a charity "slave" auction so the woman who bought me (a friend) just asked for me to dance with her at it, and I was fine with that. The other was at a freshers week, and the team I played for used it to help recruitment. Danced with a few freshmen and nothing came out of it. Both Céilidhs were more optional than the school one (since there was no practises for them and no real pressure on the attendence).

I've also been to a couple of Céilidhs outside of school, college and uni and they are fine as well so I think school was the only awkward place, but that was cause it would lead to rejection from a dance partner, or rumours flying about if you were single. Uni may of only been bad as an ace due to the people involved in the sports team. I'm still involved with them as a coach, and since all of my teammates have graduated and moved on, I see newer players, who seem to care about sex less than my team mates (though it's still an important topic, just less judgemental of others sexuality I think).

[- - -]

we didnt have prom when i was at school... but if they did i wouldnt have gone

i did go to an afterschool disco once cos my freind dragged me along (i dont even dance) and she wanted to hang around beside the teacher all the time cos she fancied him <_< i spent most of the time eating hotdogs and drinking that crappy weak orange juice they give out free at school things (in a plastic carton thing with a straw)

... but even crappy weak orange juice is better than boys...

[Destan]

I suppose all or some academic years can suck for everyone (so not only aces) then after reading some posts here if you think about it.There are good and bad times. Whenever you're considered as a loner or an alien or whatever it is, that doesn't matter.

I go to school somewhere that doesn't have those things that was mentioned here. Sports or clubs are things you apply for outside the school. At my school, there's no prom unless you organise it by yourself and if the majority of the high school division wants it too. Also there are no yearbooks or dances.
However last year, there was a prom but only half of that division showed up and many people said afterwards it was more like a party than an real prom. I didn't go because I dislike crowds, loud & noisy places, parties and dancing.

When I was in middle school (division), I was around people who weren't so sexual but they did annoy me with those crush questions and things related to that. Aside from that it was quite peaceful until last year because I ended up in a class where the majority of people were too sexualised and open. :/
As an asexual it sucks but people now know me too well to pick on me or to argue for such reason.