High school is the worst place for asexuals.

[ihatethis]

High school really destoryed me, Idon't think I will ever be able to fully get over. Why couldn't they just do what they are suppose to do like maths and literature not proms, dances yearbooks and football. Proms and dances must be banned.

[black.ace]

i hate proms and dances, and basically anything too social seeing as i am quite socially awkward, but i don't see how those events alone are anti-asexual? i know dances have the ability to create sexual tension amongst people that asexuals may otherwise feel left out of, but otherwise, they shouldn't be anti-asexual.

my partner struggled in sex-ed, where the teacher assumed everyone was sexual and she felt awkward and out of place.

i think college is an even worse place for aces.

it's a bad place for me as an aro because of the hook-up culture that goes on around here. people just have sex and don't get into romantic relationships. i'm often asked if i fall in the same category as these hook-uppers, and i disagree. i've been doing this anti-romance thing since before it was cool

[Hobbes∞]

High school is just like the worst place, friend.

(Actually that's a lie, I loved high school, I was that kid, but then for some reason everyone thought I was crazy so I got to spend the entire time on my own doing what I wanted and that was great)

[One Winged Angel]

College was worse for me than school, but most certainly school had it's moments. As a nonconforming and eccentric person, it was very difficult to be part of a sausage-factory of compliance and acquiescence, with or without Asexuality on top of everything.

I never went to any proms, discos or school dances, for these things did not interest me. At school, it was obvious that I was very different indeed to the common rabble, and they knew it. With regards to sexuality, mostly everyone was heteronormative and whispers of gross sexual conduct were bandied about almost every day. I wanted nothing to do with it.

College was sometimes worse because I was one of the only male people in the classes I took. I was instantly assumed to be gay and in the closet, simply because I reacted with a mixture of repulsion and disinterest at their advances. Even from the very first day in college, I was asked about which girls I liked and so on. To make matters worse, I was again the lone square peg in an entire army of round holes. These people prided themselves on dogmatic conformity, to the level where I was like some kind of alien creature.

Of course, as the lone male in some of the classes, they thought I was something else from who I was. I mean, what else could I be interested in but cars, football and pubs? When they found out that I was nothing like that, they reacted with a toxic mixture of fear and anger/insult throwing, something of which I can still not understand to this day. Asexuality was completely unknown, even to me at that stage (although I knew I was asexual, I did not know the word).

I left college with very little fanfare, again no dances, ceremonies or proms. I never went to university, finding the education system to be extremely lacking, and instead set up my first business. Never looked back.

[El-not-so-ace]

Even for many sexuals, high school sucks for most people. xD

[Alamoraine]

Junior high was worse for me; I was never interested in dating any of the boys (I thought they were all dumb as bricks) and constantly had girls who I barely knew trying to set me up with dates. <_< I also had a really nice friend who got the wrong idea and tried to make us a couple, and I was so oblivious at the time that she was interested in that way that I think I might have hurt her feelings by not returning them.

I only lucked out in high school because I got my core classes out of the way via 3 years of home school, so most of my senior classes were elective. So to Hell with dating and boys; I'm too busy making clay pots and learning how to say 'I don't speak shithead' in German. >=3

[Tanzanite]

Yeah, I will admit, I never saw what was so special about prom. I went to homecoming during my sophomore year. The food was good, and some of my friends were there, but that wasn't really enough to impress me. It was a lot better than those pep rallies though. I'm getting off topic-most of my friends were laidback nerds, so the pressure wasn't on me, especially since most people didn't know I even existed.

[Music & Lyrics]

I don't think proms and dances are inherently anti-asexual, but I'd like to see them be used more as an opportunity to raise tolerance and awareness of minority sexualities. Right now they're doing the exact opposite. The whole education system is so heteronormative which sucks for so many people.

And yeah I'm with the people who are saying uni is worse than high school. As a teenager I found the celebrity-crush thing difficult when it was all my friends could talk about, but at uni everything revolved around hook-up culture which wasn't the case at my high school. Maybe it is for some.

Anyways, sorry it was such a bad time for you. Contrary to what you're feeling right now, I'm sure you will get through this and we're all here to talk if you need!

[Evren]

Funnily enough, as a terribly introverted trans person, I loved prom, and after prom especially. After prom was the best, I won at bingo twice and got gift cards :D. Prom itself was only awesome because of the people I went with, otherwise it would have been horrible. Also I have always loved dressing to the nines, even if I really dislike dresses.

We did have this entire corner of my school where couples would meet up to kiss each other, I always looked at them with bemused fondness. I tended to view my peers as particularly thick toddlers, who did things that I never understood.

[m4rble]

The good thing about being an asexual teenager is that you can be considered, "good," to the adults without any effort. A lot of adults don't like the fact that teenagers have sex. Being asexual means I could naturally earn those good points with adults. Of course, I didn't like the fact that people my age thought I was naive and innocent because I wasn't into sex. In college, adults don't tend to care as much about whether you're having sex or not. I went to proms/dances with friends- I didn't find them inherently sexual. Of course, I stayed with my friends on the edge of the dance floor and apparently there was a lot of grinding in the middle of it.

[Snao Cone]

High school is just as much about developing social skills as it is about academics. Things like clubs and prom/dances are intended to develop those social skills and help teenagers realize some sense of purpose. Of course, just like with academics, some schools can do a terrible job of that.

[JAKQ7111]

I don't know if high school is the worst place for us, but it's certainly not known for being ace-friendly, that's for sure. I personally did a not-terrible job of flying mostly under the radar in high school (which, after years of bullying in elementary and middle school, I'll take as an improvement), but did struggle in a lot of those same social arenas for many of the same "intersection of awkward and asexual" reasons as one might think. Sex-ed was a nightmare (despite it being pretty comprehensive, and even touching on sexual orientation a bit, didn't mention asexuality or romantic attraction at all), I had a panic attack at my prom, watched confused as many of my peers were having their sexual awakenings and first forays into those sorts of relationships, and I was stuck here, ace and with no words to describe it.

[Prufrock, but like, worse]

Wait, so I was supposed to go to prom and realize that was my purpose in life??

[Soraiko]

High school wasn't too great. The only dance I went to was prom because seniors got to go for free. Most people didn't even go to my school's prom, mainly because my school was the only one that had there's at school. In the cafeteria too, not even the gym. I went by myself though in all black with a top hat. It was okay, but not amazing or anything.

College was horrible for me though. I hated it. I can never watch Star Wars or Doctor Who because of those people. I'm pretty sure the lightsaber club was only so the presidents, who were not all equal power that was a huge lie, could get sex from girls in the club. Anyone who wasn't the lackey of the one in charge or possibly going to have sex with him was kind of ignored. That club seriously messed me up. Other ones weren't much better. The secular club was all hate filled narcissists, the LGBT club had a ton of hypocrites that only cared about sex and alcohol, the Japanese club was terrible and got closed due to alcohol, the gaming club didn't let new people play and was probably kinda sexist. The Young Democrats and the competitive gaming club were kind of the only ones that were really nice. The Harry Potter club seemed nice and the Star Trek club seemed okay, but I never went to those.

I was just tormented in college though. All anyone cares about is sex and alcohol. I didn't drink before I was 21 and didn't even like alcohol after anyway, which I kinda knew I wouldn't like it anyway. I'm not into sex, especially with random strangers. Pretty much everyone was a flake who never showed up to anything even if they said they would, high school was kinda like that too.

I think high school and college are both pretty terrible. They're really overrated as far as being "the best time of someone's life". I feel like people that say that are just lying.

[Philip027]

High school sucked for me too, but it had absolutely nothing to do with my being ace. Would have been just as shit if I weren't, tbh

Proms and dances must be banned.

Or you could just like... not go

What a concept, right

High school is just as much about developing social skills as it is about academics. Things like clubs and prom/dances are intended to develop those social skills and help teenagers realize some sense of purpose.

I think schools should stick to what they are designed for, because the people that want to socialize will tend to do it just fine on their own without needing any intervention (very often forsaking the aforementioned academics in the process)

[Guest]

Everything about school sucked for me, not just High School. Had nothing to do with my asexuality though. Worst place for me when it comes to asexuality was being in a sexual relationship. High School was nothing compared to that hell.

[Sally]

High school is the worst place for everyone. Although middle school is pretty awful also.

[Adam_Jensen]

Thankfully from where I come from there are no prom dances in high school.But still that doesn't make the experince any less worse.

Everyone there was a hyper extrovert what loved to go to parties while I was an introvert that loved reading books and playing video games.

I was also a loner because I wanted nothing to do with these people since most of them where fake as hell wearing masks and pretending to be friendly.

High school to sum it up was hell,I'm just glad I survived the experience.

[SweetieBot]

Honestly, high school can be very hit or miss no matter what. For instance, I had a great time. I liked my classes (for the most part) and had a great group of friends. Personally, I skipped prom and don't regret it. My friends tried a little to convince me to go, but acknowledged that it wasn't my thing and didn't really waste to much breath trying to convince me otherwise.

Like any other situation, it's the people who you surround yourself with that make or break an experience. I was lucky enough to fall in with friends who weren't overly sexual themselves and were completely fine with the fact that I just wasn't into that stuff (this was far before I realized asexuality was a thing), but I can imagine it playing out differently if my school had been a different place.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

[tuvok]

At our school, we were all paired up.

That meant we didn't arrive with our girlfriend but someone from the opposite sex at our school.

We all knew each other, so there was nothing weird about it.

To me, it was a fun event.

Everyone dressed up.

We all danced a bit.

I think it is relevant as part of being educated to be able to go to an event.

We want all people to be able to do basic things.

Like receive information through conversation, dress appropriately, analyze text, process numbers, solve problems, make a meal, eat with utilities, understand how some things work...

People who fail at any of these things are viewed as lesser people and nobody wants to be around them.

I don't know your people, maybe they are all mean to everyone but I like to think that is not the majority of people.

Mean people usually gets separated by the group as being around people who talk shit about other people is exhausting.

And humans tend to adapt, so if someone sees they are getting pushed out because they are mean to people, they change.

People who don't are sociopaths (or children).

[El-not-so-ace]

Everyone told me that I'll regret not going to prom in highschool. I hate dancing, didn't have many friends in my year (closest ones were a year younger) and never wore a dress. I wasn't about to pay 100$ for the graduating prom, nor over 100-200 bucks on a dress for one evening.

I didn't regret it then and never will. :P I luckily had just a couple geeky friends so I was never pressured to drink, party or sleep around. People just saw me as the kind lonely shy girl, but luckily the bullies rarely picked on me. I kind of lucked out in a sense compared to others, but I hated highschool nonetheless.

[JAKQ7111]

High school is the worst place for everyone. Although middle school is pretty awful also.

Personally, middle school was way worse for me than high school. High school wasn't awful for me; it was stressful, for sure, but not nearly as bad as the years prior. 2006 and 2007 were some of the worst years of my life, and 2008 was one of the best.

[Autumn Season]

When I think of school, I remember being constantly tired and stressed out. There were also moments of desperation. I'd say that was because I am on the introverted side and (even when I wanted to connect with others) I couldn't relate to (most of) my peers. Thankfully I'm an optimist so somehow I never lost hope. And voilà, once I entered university, life suddenly became bright and welcoming.

About "prom" or whatever I had: It was boring and stressful. After the formal part of the day they turned the hall into a disco. I just took off my shoes and danced around wildly. I deserved to have some fun too, no? Later somebody told me they never thought I could move "like that", sounding all meaningful. So I sat down quietly and didn't dare to dance for the rest of the evening. STFU, I don't want your opinion on my dance moves.

[JAKQ7111]

Proms, dances, yearbooks, and football aren't even sexual, and they make school a lot more fun. Besides that, sorry, but we're not going to ban something that makes a lot of other people happy just because you're uncomfortable with them. You don't have to go to football games or dances if you don't want, and you don't have to buy a yearbook either.

No need to ban anything, but it would be nice if proms, dances, and football weren't so heavily romanticized and made out to be the be-all-end-all of teenage experience. Like, keep them, because people do enjoy them, but there is no need to make them out to be these larger-than-life events like all of the teen movies and high school dramas do. If somebody says they feel alienated by that high school culture, listen to them, especially if there are many people saying similar things.

my partner struggled in sex-ed, where the teacher assumed everyone was sexual and she felt awkward and out of place.

Even sex ed isn't anti ace. Some aces have sex and benefit from education about safe sex. And even if she didn't like sex, personally, then why does it matter? She could have asked to be excused from class.

Besides that, it's unlikely that the teacher was just assuming that everyone was sexual - she was more likely to assume they were straight.

Kinda hard to "excuse yourself" from a required class in a public school, like most sex-ed is where I come from, without risk of failing. Also, part of assuming someone is straight is assuming they are sexual, at least most of the time. Sex-ed isn't anti-ace in and of itself, but depending on the curriculum, it can create an environment where it is awkward at best, to hostile at worst, if that someone is asexual. I do believe that sexual and romantic orientation should be discussed at least a little bit in a comprehensive sex-ed environment, and that includes asexual and aromantic identities.

[Guest]

I hated the disco nights at school, i basically went because everyone went. If you didn't you'd be bothered by classmates that you didn't go because of their stupid made of assumptions... >_<

I'll stick to the wall and be a pretty flower.. I'll.. just look at you guys "dancing" and have a good inner laugh myself.

About "prom" or whatever I had: It was boring and stressful. After the formal part of the day they turned the hall into a disco. I just took off my shoes and danced around wildly. I deserved to have some fun too, no? Later somebody told me they never thought I could move "like that", sounding all meaningful. So I sat down quietly and didn't dare to dance for the rest of the evening. STFU, I don't want your opinion on my dance moves.

Annnddd this is the reason why I gave up on ever trying to dance when others were around..

[Guest]

my partner struggled in sex-ed, where the teacher assumed everyone was sexual and she felt awkward and out of place.

Even sex ed isn't anti ace. Some aces have sex and benefit from education about safe sex. And even if she didn't like sex, personally, then why does it matter? She could have asked to be excused from class.

Besides that, it's unlikely that the teacher was just assuming that everyone was sexual - she was more likely to assume they were straight.

I didn't feel comfortable with these classes either, but if I were to be excused. That would've been so much worse on the bullying part >_<

[Lord Jade Cross]

Highschool sucks plainly, wheter youre ace or not, though I agree it adds an extra layer of headaches for us.

Aside from that and the poor excuse for an education, all you gotta do is attend class. No need to hang out or go to proms or anything.

I never went to mine, best decision made while there.

[JAKQ7111]

Highschool sucks plainly, wheter youre ace or not, though I agree it adds an extra layer of headaches for us.

I doubt it adds an extra layer of headaches for aces - not in the same way it does for LGBT, disabled, PoC, and religious minority students at least.

To use your logic for a moment: JC is ace, as am I and many others in this thread, while you yourself are not. If you are not asexual, you do not get to arbit on what environments are or are not toxic for aces. We, as aces, do. Please listen and respect our lived experiences, which are not up for debate.

[Guest]

I liked my high school and I think it was the best time in my life in contrary to my junior high school. No, there wasn't any sex pressure in the time when I was attending to school. As far as I'm concerned the situation looks like similar to this in America, sex pressure and lack of sex education but it depends on the school and place.

[scarletlatitude]

I really didn't like high school, but I'm not sure that had anything to do with being asexual. Maybe it did. I didn't realize that I was an ace back then. Really I hated it for the social pressures and standards. College was so much better.