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A new Asexuality type?


davidwhiterock27

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davidwhiterock27

What would you call a person who likes the opposite gender but rather not participate in any sexual activity, but when aroused or driven to sexual behavior would limit themselves to masturbating themselves or others they feel confident with that's of the opposite gender for the purpose to remain abstinent until marriage.

I'm getting the feeling it's a rare or unknown sexuality type (like a golden pidgey in Pokemon). I personally would like to consider it a sub-type from hetero asexual, because abstinent and masturbator is not a sexual type.

What would you call this sexuality type?

You can read more about my story here:

http://davidwhiterock27.deviantart.com/art/My-Experience-as-a-Hetero-Asexual-623905229

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I guess I'm sort of similar only...gayer? And I pretty much ignore my libido? I just consider myself ace though.

It's easier.

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AVEN #1 fan

Well, it's an libidist heterosexual who is not into sex.

If only the opposite gender arouses them, but they don't wish to have sex EVER, they're called lith-heterosexual or akio(ne)-heterosexual or apo-heterosexual.

Now, if only the opposite gender arouses them, but they have an low sex drive, they're called hypo-heterosexual.

If only the opposite gender arouses them rarely, and they have an low sex drive, they're called gray-heterosexual.

If, nothing arouses them, but still they have sex, they're asexual.

If nothing arouses them and they don't have sex anyway, they're asexual too.

If only the opposite gender arouses them and they wish sex, they're heterosexual.

If they don't feel aroused by the opposote sex but wish to have sex with them anyway, they're cupio-heterosexual or kalos-heterosexual.

Any of these people can masturbate and have fetishes, and kinks and have libido anyway.

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A normal human waiting for marriage?

If someone makes the conscious decision not to engage in sexual activities for a particular reason such as marriage, they're more likely to be celibate, not asexual. If someone gets aroused but then "limits" themselves to masturbation, that ain't asexuality.

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AVEN #1 fan

A normal human waiting for marriage?

If someone makes the conscious decision not to engage in sexual activities for a particular reason such as marriage, they're more likely to be celibate, not asexual. If someone gets aroused but then "limits" themselves to masturbation, that ain't asexuality.

That's what i mean, that person is a normal heterosexual waiting for marriage, ain't that a synonymous for celibate?

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davidwhiterock27

I guess i can sort of understand. I was hoping there would be a name for this behavior.

I was going to ask: what do you call a person who has no desire for sexual activity, a person who could care less for sex, but when aroused by the opposite gender then they become sexually active and in my case revert to abstinent sexual behavior.

I agree, it does make sense if they are heterosexual; however, they take on the properties of a hetero asexual by nature if they are never aroused or driven to the occasion.

Tempus hertero asexual? (tempuary hetero asexual?)

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AVEN #1 fan

I guess i can sort of understand. I was hoping there would be a name for this.

I was going to ask what do you call a person who has no desire for sexual activity, a person who could careless for sex, but when aroused by the opposite gender then they become sexually active and in my case revert to abstinent sexual behavior.

Well, again, as i said, if they get aroused and wish to have sex (doesn't matter if they actually do it or not), they're sexual, allosexual, zedsexual, however you wanna call it.

You sound like a normal heterosexual guy.

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Grumpy Alien

I don't think there needs to be a sub-type to heteromantic asexuality. Like... why would that be necessary?

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AVEN #1 fan

I guess i can sort of understand. I was hoping there would be a name for this behavior.

I was going to ask: what do you call a person who has no desire for sexual activity, a person who could care less for sex, but when aroused by the opposite gender then they become sexually active and in my case revert to abstinent sexual behavior.

I agree, it does make sense if they are heterosexual; however, they take on the properties of a hetero asexual by nature if they are never aroused or driven to the occasion.

Tempus hertero asexual? (tempuary hetero asexual?)

Ok? But an hetero asexual never gets aroused by the opposite gender and never wihes sex (however they can choose to or not to have it anyway).
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AVEN #1 fan

I don't think there needs to be a sub-type to heteromantic asexuality. Like... why would that be necessary?

Well there's no attraction in asexuality to begin with, so you can't be attracted towards any gender sexually.

Don't we have romantic and aesthetic attractions to cover other stuff already?

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davidwhiterock27

I don't feel that way, nor seem to care for sex at anytime, often it never crosses my mind, until the unlikely occasion that is does and it's temporary. I don't lust or really have an attraction to females. The occurrence is more of a shared hobby. It's like I accept it at the moment but really don't bother with things like that. I hope this clears things up.

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AVEN #1 fan

I don't feel that way, nor seem to care for sex at anytime, often it never crosses my mind, until the unlikely occasion that is does and it's temporary. I don't lust or really have an attraction to females. The occurrence is more of a shared hobby. It's like I accept it at the moment but really don't bother with things like that. I hope this clears things up.

So, don't you ever feel attraction but you wish sex (doesn't matter if you masturbate, have libido or even have sex)?

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davidwhiterock27

I would like to add that I feel I'm asexual because there's no attract what so ever to females and that I keep to myself, and hetero because I like females. So is it possible to like females but have no attraction to them? or to keep to myself like an asexual but like females? This is so confusing. XD

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Grumpy Alien

I'm so confused. Are we talking hetero as in romantic orientation or attaching that to the (a)sexuality?

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AVEN #1 fan

I would like to add that I feel I'm asexual because there's no attract what so ever to females and hetero because I like females. So is it possible to like females but have no attraction to them?

Off course, you can like them romantically, aesthetically, sensually or even platonically, for example. These are all kinds of attractions like sexual attraction.

Most of us asexuals have romantic orientations and we prefer to use them over our lack of sexual orientations.

You are an heteroromantic asexual guy if you crush on female gendered people and wish to have an relationship with them.

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Abstaining till marriage is a bad move for many reasons, especially for asexual & sexual couples.

But to be clear, wanting sex but abstaining till marriage isn't asexual.

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davidwhiterock27

I guess that's it. heteroromantic asexual. It makes the most sense to me at the moment.

If not a combination of hetero sexual and hetero asexual. I would say I'm more hetero asexual tho.

And yes, remain virgin. Like i said I don't care for sex, not even if i was 100 years old. I like keeping to myself.

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AVEN #1 fan

Abstaining till marriage is a bad move for many reasons, especially for asexual & sexual couples.

But to be clear, wanting sex but abstaining till marriage isn't asexual.

That site should employee Star. X3
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I don't feel that way, nor seem to care for sex at anytime, often it never crosses my mind, until the unlikely occasion that is does and it's temporary. I don't lust or really have an attraction to females. The occurrence is more of a shared hobby. It's like I accept it at the moment but really don't bother with things like that. I hope this clears things up.

That's called being a normal heterosexual with responsive sexual desire, which consists of a majority of women and a minority of men.

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I guess i can sort of understand. I was hoping there would be a name for this behavior.

I was going to ask: what do you call a person who has no desire for sexual activity, a person who could care less for sex, but when aroused by the opposite gender then they become sexually active and in my case revert to abstinent sexual behavior.

Human sexuality is very diverse. No two people seem to experience it the same, but that doesn't make one of then asexual.

So sex isn't on your mind very often - that's absolutely normal. You need a trigger for arousal - that's responsive arousal, also absolutely normal.

There's really nothing wrong with being a regular human. Don't get dazzled by labels, just be content with being yourself, even if you're not quite the same as some of the people around you.

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davidwhiterock27

I agree dissolved, but compared to other guys who are hetero, I find myself more the kind of person that is hetero asexual. The way I associate myself with females is not the same as regular hetero sexual and the way i keep to myself isn't normal I would think for a heterosexual. I feel distant or unexistant when it comes to sexual elements, but in an occasion where there is sexuality I become hetero, I guess that makes me hetero i suppose right? Maybe an abstinent hetero sexual with no sexual drive until the occasion happens. Maybe this is what i am. How strange.

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I don't feel that way, nor seem to care for sex at anytime, often it never crosses my mind, until the unlikely occasion that is does and it's temporary. I don't lust or really have an attraction to females. The occurrence is more of a shared hobby. It's like I accept it at the moment but really don't bother with things like that. I hope this clears things up.

That's called being a normal heterosexual with responsive sexual desire, which consists of a majority of women and a minority of men.
Bingo.

David... Look up "responsive desire" and see if it sounds like you.

EDIT

Here's an article:

do you know when you want it?

This is the sort of thing I forget people dont know.

Female sexual response is typically characterized by responsive desire, while male sexual response is more likely characterized by spontaneous desire. (Im going for biological categories rather than social categories here because the research is based on male- and female-bodied people, without reference to social role.)

Responsive desire is when motivation to have sex begins AFTER sexual behavior has started. As in, youre doing something else when your partner comes over and starts kissin on ya, and you go, Oh yeah! Thats a good idea! Or you and your partner set aside Friday night as Sex Night, and then Sex Night gets here and youre like, Oh, Sex Night. But Im so tired But you made a deal, so you get started and before long youve forgotten you were tired.

This is contrasted with spontaneous desire, more typical of male sexuality, which works more like this: youre walking down the street and for no immediately obvious reason you think, Hm. Id like to have sex! Or youre taking a shower getting ready for bed and you think, Hm. Id like to have sex!

Regardless of what body or identity you have, if youre more of a responsive desire person you might have worried that your interest in sex was abnormally low worrying about how much we do or dont want sex is something weve been well-trained to do. Indeed, so many people have asked me how often theyre supposed to want sex, Ive started looking for a memorable, funny stock answer that gently illustrates the absurdity of the question.

Every 5 minutes.

At least twice a decade.

Sundays.

(Suggestions warmly welcomed.)

Okay so oy, I wonder how often Ill use the phrase pervasive and intractable bullshit on the blog. Ill use it again here:

The idea that functional sexual desire requires wanting sex out of the blue is bullshit pervasive and intractable bullshit, but bullshit nonetheless. Yet again were confronted with what is becoming the theme of the blog: when you use male standards to assess ALL sexuality, shit goes to hell. In this instance, when spontaneous, Hey, I think Id like to have sex! desire is the normative standard, anyone whose style that isnt suddenly becomes abnormal. Which is bullshit, however pervasive and intractable.

Its different for girls. Have we got that yet?

Problematic dynamics emerge when one or both partners in a relationship are responsive desire types. In a differential desire scenario, the spontaneous desire type partner may feel rejected and undesirable because they always have to initiate, and then the responsive person may start to feel pushed and will resist more. In a dual responsive desire relationship, you might end up hardly ever having sex because neither one of you wants to start. (This is a really good theory to explain the putative lesbian bed death.)

So looky here, suppose youre a responsive desire person. You now know that thats totally normal, youre not broken, and its really okay that it doesnt often occur to you to have sex. Excellent. But what do you do about the potential issues that may emerge? How do you untangle these knots?

Feminist lesbian sex therapist (who doesnt want THAT job title??) Suzanne Iasenza suggests reframing the issue from desire for sex to willingness to have sex. Were a highly social species, females in particular, and its totally legitimate to start sex because your partner is interested, even if youre not particularly horny. So first communicate with your partner that this is a characteristic of your sexuality, to help reassure them that you find them attractive. And then try setting a standard for yourself, like once a week youll initiate at a time when youre willing to have sex, even if your body isnt longing for it.

Another possibility is organizing nights when youre not allowed to have sex; youre only allowed to touch non-genitally, for mutual pleasure. This wakes up your sensations without creating undue pressure to want sex. (Pressure to want sex makes you not want sex, fyi.)

Finally, you can increase the amount of non-initiating physical affection in your relationship. Someday Ill talk about the mechanism that generates responsive desire, but the practical upshot is that if you have more physical affection, more trust, more caring, less worry and stress, and less performance pressure, youll actually start to respond more readily and have more instances of spontaneous desire.

Three suggestions. One of them may help. Untangling the knots of sexual dynamics in a relationship takes time, patience, and practice, but consistently using these strategies (which are based, by the way, on Sensate Focus sex therapy) will put you on the right track.

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I agree dissolved, but compared to other guys who are hetero, I find myself more the kind of person that is hetero asexual. The way I associate myself with females is not the same as regular hetero sexual and the way i keep to myself isn't normal I would think for a heterosexual. I feel distant or unexistant when it comes to sexual elements, but in an occasion where there is sexuality I become hetero, I guess that makes me hetero i suppose right? Maybe an abstinent hetero sexual with no sexual drive until the occasion happens. Maybe this is what i am. How strange.

I don't seem to experience sexuality the same way as other guys around me, but the only time I identified as asexual was when I absolutely no interest in anyone and had no interest in or desire for sex. Now that it's changed and all that stuff is directed at one person, it would be daft of me to continue telling myself I'm asexual. I don't experience spontaneous desire as other guys seem to so easily do, I'm not thinking about sex all the time (although I do have my moments :P)... I'm not like other guys. But I still like women (or one woman, should I say), therfore I'm a boring old heterosexual and loving every second of it.

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I agree dissolved, but compared to other guys who are hetero, I find myself more the kind of person that is hetero asexual. The way I associate myself with females is not the same as regular hetero sexual and the way i keep to myself isn't normal I would think for a heterosexual. I feel distant or unexistant when it comes to sexual elements, but in an occasion where there is sexuality I become hetero, I guess that makes me hetero i suppose right? Maybe an abstinent hetero sexual with no sexual drive until the occasion happens. Maybe this is what i am. How strange.

Yah, like i said, responsive desire in men is a minority, so of course you wouldn't be like most sexual men, but like Dissolved said, that doesn't make someone asexual. Desiring sex period means someone is sexual and definitely not asexual. As implied, if you want to include it just say "heterosexual with responsive desire".

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