demi or not in love

[pscf89]

Hello, so I'm a woman and I've been in a relationship with another woman for a years and a few months for now. I've always had since the beginning of the relationship a higher sex drive. execpt that on the past I've discovered that she masturbated alot while watching loads of porn like 4 hours a day. so when comparing those times she watched porn It made look like I had the lower libido. she moved for a few months and we didn't see eachother and when she can back in 5 months, not matter what I try, I can never make her have an orgasm like she used to have before she moved. I asked her: do you love? do find me attractive? do you still disire me? and she answered: I do, all, to all three. And justified that it were those stupid drugs she was taking (the antidepressants and stuff).

I can accept all that I do take anti depressants too, but my libido didnt go away, I understand it might go away in some individuals but I feel so frustated, I feel like I never want to have anything intimated with her again, like its one sided. like i'm ugly or something. I still disire her , one example she never does oral sex on me but I do it to her or I try to make a converstation about it to see if she wants me to do it. otherwise we never get to stuff like that. I just feel jealous of the girls in the porn industry she payed so much attention to before she met me :( Before she moved she used to to be different andwe used to have fun but she acted crazy with me the same way she acted while watching porn. I spoke to her the other night about this and she told me to forget this that this wasnt important cause there was many way to love a person but I feel like shit. what do you guys think? some person told me she might be demi or not like me that much. what do you think?

[Snao Cone]

If she used to show more enthusiasm towards sexual activity with you, there could be a couple reasons: 1) she is sexual, but anti-depressants are changing that; or 2) she is asexual, but at the beginning of the relationship she was so excited to be with you that she put a lot of effort into behaving sexually.

That she watches porn doesn't necessarily change either of these. Sometimes people (including asexuals) watch porn because it produces physiological reactions or sensations without having to be a part of it. It's unlikely she desires the people or the activity in the porn. It just somehow gets her in the place she needs to be to get physiological release.

I don't really have suggestions on how you can improve this, aside from expressing your concerns in a manner that does not imply blame or failure. She probably means what she says about love and attraction and wanting to be with you. She just may not want sex to be a part of that if it doesn't have to be. Let her know what's important to you, and ask her what's important to her.

[Autumn Season]

Right. And she would be demi if she needed time to fall in love/ develop sexual feelings. In other words she doesn't sound demi.

[kshinae]

It doesn't sound like she's demi, rather it seems to me more of a one-sided relationship. From what you said, it sounds like she's one of those people that gets a high at the beginning of a relationship, but once things get serious all that energy burns down. This is very tiring for people who want to have long term relationships, so you just gotta find someone who is as committed as you are. She was most likely jumping into something she wasn't ready for which is forgivable until she starts messing with your feelings. I say break it off because she obviously isn't as serious about this as you are, but at the end of the day it is your decision. Talk to her about it. Be direct. Don't just try to sneak it into the conversation. Tell her exactly what it is that's on your mind (which is easier said than done). So take some time to figure out what you wanna say and go for it. Communication is key. :)