Confused-laura Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Hello everyone I am not sure if I'm asexual or not I'm quite confused When a teenager and in my early 20s I had a extremely low Sex drive. I got with partner after partner who used me and I don't know if it added to it but I never want Sex now I love my husband and I'm attracted to him but I just don't want to it... I force myself to have it with him because we barely have Sex once a month and it takes its tole on him He always asks if Im sure I want it as we start but I think to myself no not really but hey... I had a baby in Aug 15 and it's made it worse because now it hurts to have Sex too which the Dr's just say is because I need to have it regularly to sort it I occasionally feel like masturbating but never Sex. I am attracted to people and of course my husband but never think of sexual things I want to do to them... Im bisexual and am just so confused as to whats wrong with me I didn't enjoy Sex with other partners and mostly did it so they wouldn't leave me My husband knows how I feel and tries not to push it I keep trying to explain it's not him how am attracted to him but i never want sex What he dosnt know is only sometimes during Sex I enjoy it but most of the time I'm hoping he finishes quickly He would go without Sex but I do it to keep him happy But sometimes I do feel pressured into it I feel so guilty that I don't want Sex and can't give it to him more and as normal people do... I wish I could have sexual feelings and want it but just don't It doesn't help that I'm tired from looking after a baby either lol I just don't know of I'm asexual? Or what's wrong with me... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Well, you sound like an regular biromantic asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
simplyalex Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Hello everyone I am not sure if I'm asexual or not I'm quite confused When a teenager and in my early 20s I had a extremely low Sex drive. I got with partner after partner who used me and I don't know if it added to it but I never want Sex now I love my husband and I'm attracted to him but I just don't want to it... I force myself to have it with him because we barely have Sex once a month and it takes its tole on him He always asks if Im sure I want it as we start but I think to myself no not really but hey... I had a baby in Aug 15 and it's made it worse because now it hurts to have Sex too which the Dr's just say is because I need to have it regularly to sort it I occasionally feel like masturbating but never Sex. I am attracted to people and of course my husband but never think of sexual things I want to do to them... Im bisexual and am just so confused as to whats wrong with me I didn't enjoy Sex with other partners and mostly did it so they wouldn't leave me My husband knows how I feel and tries not to push it I keep trying to explain it's not him how am attracted to him but i never want sex What he dosnt know is only sometimes during Sex I enjoy it but most of the time I'm hoping he finishes quickly He would go without Sex but I do it to keep him happy But sometimes I do feel pressured into it I feel so guilty that I don't want Sex and can't give it to him more and as normal people do... I wish I could have sexual feelings and want it but just don't It doesn't help that I'm tired from looking after a baby either lol I just don't know of I'm asexual? Or what's wrong with me... I understand your confusion, my dear, and I would suggest that you spend some time reading about the different kinds of asexuality that exist. Hopefully, one of them fits you. But please, don't feel bad for not wanting to have sex with your husband. Invite him to read some of the articles. You can also consult with a marriage counselor or with a priest. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Really? Some doctors are saying that having more sex will help with vaginl pain during sex? I'm obviously no Dr but i smell BS. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Confused-laura Posted July 24, 2016 Author Share Posted July 24, 2016 Really? Some doctors are saying that having more sex will help with vaginl pain during. I'm obviously no Dr but i smell BS. The Dr said the more I have Sex the more I should relax as there is nothing physically wrong with my vagina I didn't tell him about the non existent Sex drive I came here for help so please don't be rude... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Queen of Wonderland Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Well I don't think Star Bit's being overly rude, they just seem skeptical that repeating the action causing you pain will relieve that pain. It doesn't really sound that logical. In any case, if the attraction you experience is just aesthetic attraction, as in you think he looks nice and that's all, then you're pretty obviously a sex repulsed ace person. If not, you're a sex repulsed bisexual. Either way, you're probably also biromantic. And, if I might add, I don't think its good for you to force yourself to have sex, it honestly sounds like it might end up putting a strain on your relationship. If I were you, I would stop forcing yourself and try to find another solution or compromise. Good luck figuring it out Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 I wasn't insulting you, i was insulting the Dr. It sounds more like you've developed vaginismus, which can be psychological (which means you may need to calm down, but repetedly doing what you don't want that's also causing you pain most likely isn't going to fix that) or biological (and just means that's how your body reacts to it now). So vaginal sex needs to be off the menu, but that isn't the only type of sex. Please look up wiki's page on non-penetrative sex. And if your partner is ok with trying a sexless relationship then try taking him up on his offer and see how it goes. You really need to talk to him in depth about this and how both of you feel. Comunication is key in keeping any functional relationship. If he's honestly ok with it then there's absalutely no need to guilt trip yourself. And don't concentrate on "being a normal sexual wife", just be you. Not to mention there are many people in the world just like you in just the same situation. Also, for some sexual people having zero sex instead of too little sex is actually better on them, so it could end up working great for you two. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Uh, actually looking it up, yah, you have vaginismus and it can be caused by childbirth. But it's not a commonly known condition, even to gynecologists (which is sad), eventhough the people suffering from it are increasing. And what uninformed Drs try to treat it with can end up being horrible or uneventful (in fact, continuing to have sex can make it worse), so it's really something more Drs need to know about. You should enlighten your Dr about it. Link to article on it Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.