Demi lesbian?

[Killthelights]

I was going to put this in the introductory forum, but I realized people might gloss over it.

Anyway, hello everyone.

I'm what I like to call a demi lesbian. For those that aren't clear, I mean in both terms of attraction. I feel like I fit both demisexual and homosexual, while also being both demiromantic and homoromantic.

I guess it could be confusing to accept how someone could be demi both ways while only being attracted to one gender, but I guess the reason I know this is through my sexual/romantic fantasies. I don't like the idea of touching a penis, the 'aura' of high testosterone, male voices, any male physical trait. I'm creeped out by the idea of kissing, dating, or loving a guy and I don't feel it. But when I imagine sexual and romantic things with girls in general, it feels right.

But those are just my thoughts. In reality I've never really been attracted to any girl unless we've known each other for a long time. A few of my exes I had sparks for I had known for 2 years minimum, but they were long distance that didn't work out (They also didn't have real feelings for me in the end). I have had crushes on friends I've known for 5, 7 years, and they rejected me because of that. On the other hand, I have been friends with men, had deep emotional connections with them, but I had no attraction or spark with them. They could do everything the same as any woman I loved could, but still nothing. Their gender is the only barrier. So am I indeed demi and gay at the same time?

Eventually, I got tired of being alone and loveless, so I dated a girl and officially got with her. I think we only knew each other for a month. However, no sparks, no attraction, nothing. I could even realize she was physically attractive but felt nothing toward it, and it creeped me out when she said she was attracted to me and masturbated to me, even though it shouldn't. I guess I found out I was demiromantic from this situation and haven't been able to attempt dating again.

I feel alone. Once I looked up the demi labels they sounded like me. I don't know if I'm welcome on this site, but I guess all I wanted was a little validation like something what I'm going through exists and if anyone has similar experiences.

[Snao Cone]

I don't find it at all confusing for you to identify as both demi and lesbian. It sounds accurate based on your experiences. The purpose of using such labels is to communicate to others why you may or may not be attracted to them.

You are absolutely welcome on this site, by the way. We have people of all sorts of orientations and experiences here. I hope you find opportunities to learn more perspectives and experiences that can help you better understand yourself and others. You are also more than welcome to make friends on the Community forums. :)

[tucan2can]

I completely known what you mean. I'm like that, and it's the worst. I fall for all my best friends, and only my best friends. Dating anyone else feels like dating a statue. And the odds that my friends magically end up being into girls are just terrible. Ugh.

 

Thanks for writing that though. Makes me feel less alone.