Nightsongx Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 Hello, I'm a 13 year old girl and for the past year or so I've been labeling myself as asexual. But now I've started to consider that I may just be a "late bloomer." I read somewhere that the average age to begin feeling sexual attraction was 9-10 years old. After hearing that I wondered if something was wrong with me, until I discovered the term asexual and began to identify as it. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I am a bit young. Obviously I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone--no sexual feelings at all. I've never had the urge to masturbate, wanted to watch porn, found someone attractive, or been turned on. None of that at all. To be honest, I don't think I've ever had a true crush on anyone either. When I was much younger I was never "boy-crazy" like my friends were and couldn't understand why they ogled over boys all the time. I mean, I can tell when sometime is "cute" or whatever, and there are people I think that look really really pretty/handsome. The idea of a romantic relationship with either a girl or a guy (biromantic?) seems great but there's never been any fictional character/celebrity/real person that I've been head-over-heels, crazy in love with. Is this normal for someone my age? Sorry, I'm just a bit confused. I guess I should just be patient and see how my feelings develop but I will admit I'm feeling a little bit of pressure from society, which can't be avoided I suppose. But any advice would be appreciated! ^_^ (Just want to point out that I don't feel invalidated or anything. If I really am asexual, that's okay, but if not, that's okay, too!) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Knight of Cydonia Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 I think given you're only 13, my answer is just that "time will tell". You could definitely be a "late bloomer", which is totally fine, so don't focus on it so much. I know someone who thought they were asexual until they were in the 20's and then realized they weren't! I've never heard of that statistic about people developing sexual attraction at age 9-10... for all I know that could be correct but it seems really, really young to me. So yeah, I'd just say don't let it consume you, you are still young, and try not to compare yourself to everyone around you. Everyone moves at different speeds and I know you're not alone in how you're feeling. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Starfalcon Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 Everyone is different. I'm in my late 20s and I was convinced that I was a late bloomer, until about a year ago, when I had a better sense of what asexuality was and realized the label fit. If you're 13, then time will probably tell. I have also heard the statistic about 10 years old, but I think it refers to the first recognition of who they think is attractive. But it's also an average. There are people who do not develop those feelings until college, or later. Everyone is different. No need to make yourself fit the average. If you want to identify as asexual, there is no harm in doing that. Just because you decide that the label fits now, doesn't mean you can't change it later. But it's also perfectly fine to not label yourself yet and just live your life. If your friends are making you feel uncomfortable for your lack of interest in boys, you might want to tell them you'd rather talk about something else once in a while. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 I vote for option 3: everyone's different. The whole "late bloomer" thing is bullshit. I didn't fancy anyone or desire sex until very late in my teens, and I'm far from unusual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
touching-not-so-much Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 I've had four in my life: two somewhere in 3rd through 5th grade, another in 8th, and one when I was 25. I remember almost nothing about the first two, so I doubt they lasted more than a couple weeks. Only the 8th grade (and sorta the 25yr old one but it was long-distance and abstract) is what I would classify as a TRUE crush, an idea of wanting to be a life companion with someone, as bf/gf - still never had any sexual thoughts about it, only the weird euphoric feeling I got, thinking about her. I was about 15 I think in 8th grade (dropped out a couple times) when I really "discovered" the idea of true romance and girls - I know I had crushes before that but I can't explain it - they were transitory, like I somehow 'forgot' about girls after that for a few years, so for me, I'd put 15 years as my true first serious thoughts about "relationships", and honestly not really til I was 17 did I have a better handle on the more realistic considerations of them. I'd call that solidly "late bloomer" but I have heard of even later. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 13 years of age still sounds pretty much pre- or mid-bloom... it's not unusual not to have felt sexual or romantic attraction by then. Definitely no late blooming here :) (Nothing personal, but this makes me seriously wonder what kids/teens are expecting these days...) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Okane Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 It's totally normal to not feel any sexual desire when you're 13. You can call yourself asexual if you want to, it might or might not change. Just wait and see ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
timewarp Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Just adding my own experience here - compare to yourself as you see fit, I won't tell you what to make of it: Until age 30 I thought I'm a late bloomer, then I thought I'm simply straight with an increasing feeling of being "broken", from age 33 I was seriously convinced I have some kind of sexual dysfunction, at 34 I finally had my very own working definition of "it's not a bug, it's a feature", and when I was 37 years old (last year) I heard about asexuality and started realising that that's absolutely me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
henshin Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 I've never heard about 9-10 being average age for developing sexual feelings and would be interested if anyone can point to a link for that scientifically. From my understand the onset of puberty generally needs to start before sexual feelings develop and this happens around 11/12 (although does vary quite a bit person by person). However even if someone started physically developing at 9, I doubt they would be emotionally and cognitively mature enough to be interested in a sexual relationship in the same way as adults, even if they started exploring their own sexual response through masturbation. I believe that children at 9-10 can have crushes on people, although I never did, but it's my experience that when you're this age and your peer group is saying they fancy another person, they are more than likely playing it up either because of peer pressure or because they want to appear more adult than they really are. I have no doubt that this is the age at which a vague interest in the mechanics of sex and the world of adult relationships starts to be interesting in a way it hasn't before, but this is a different matter than actually experiencing adult sexual feelings. 13 does not seem in the least bit 'late' for showing interest in sex or romantic partners. I think statistically the average age for losing your virginity is 17. A lot of girls don't start menstruating till they're 13 and I imagine the same is true of boys producing sperm, so anyone who has experienced sexual feelings at age 9-10 is definitely a very early bloomer! I imagine that if your main source of information is your peer group, then they are likely exaggerating and pretending to appear cooler, more grown up, and more knowledgeable. So are you asexual? I would say its way too early to tell at the age of 13, but statistically its unlikely that you will be. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Posted in other topic which I just saw. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 I think if someone feels they are asexual right now that it's ok to use the label. If things change you can just change the label which is what I did. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Quinoa Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 What if you are a "late bloomer"? That doesn't change how you feel right now. If you think the label "asexual" is useful right now, you can use it. If you decide that it no longer fits you one day, you can stop using it. Identifying as asexual is not a contract. :)The truth is that any of us could technically be a "late bloomer," but I think part of my decision to identify as asexual was deciding that I would rather be okay with and talk about who I am now than wait and hope that I will some day be "normal."I think this goes without saying, but you are still welcome in this community regardless of what you decide. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
deactivated account Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 XD some people here are 60, some are 16 identifying as asexual. ^^ if there's someone hitting 17 and still not sexually attracted to anyone, that's not a usual thing, so i'd imagine them identifying as ace. then if they meet someone that turns the tables around. then they can still identify in that grey area, in the end, i guess it doesn't really matter they are just sort words to avoid a longer explanation of what someone is feeling now ^^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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