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Is this considered trans? TMI at times


MessedinMassachusetts

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MessedinMassachusetts

Hey! So I'm new to this site, like brand new and I'm not sure if this is where questions like these belong or not. Anyways, recently I had been questioning my gender and if it was really me. I was born a female and I have a rather feminine name. I never acted like a female though as a kid. Most of my childhood was spent following around my brothers and doing house work with my grandfather and father. Growing up Catholic, I found there was always something wrong with me. I had friends that were girls and boys, but I liked playing with guys more. If I got talked into playing house, I always played the husband. Anyways, fast forward a few years and I discovered that lesbian was a good way to explain what I was feeling. The only lesbian I ever knew growing up was the stereotypical short hair, vest, deep voice kind. And I was cool with that. But then I discovered that there was a thing called transgender and that blew my mind. But I'm not sure if that's me. I feel most comfortable in mens clothes. Womens underwear sections in stores bother me on a molecular level. I don't feel like I belong there and everyone knows it. I seriously dislike having breasts and I've started to bind them. I don't like having a vagina. When I get intimate with my girlfriend, I don't want her to touch me like that. It doesn't feel right. I want to have a penis instead. When I go pick her up from her house, I don't get the threat or the have her back by 10 speech from her dad and that really bugs me since he does it when her sisters boyfriend shows up. There are two things I have always wanted in life: 1) to pee standing up and 2) to walk around with my shirt off like my brothers did. All this makes me think maybe I am trans but what's keeping me back is the pronouns thing. I don't mind being referred to as she and her and I don't hate my name. I can't see myself being called anything else. Sometimes my friends will joke and call me a 'gentleman' or 'sir' or say that I 'look like a straight white boy' and I'm okay with that too. I don't get it. I need help, this much is obvious, but I have nobody to turn to. My friends aren't very good and my family is only barely okay with me being a lesbian. Even my girlfriend said when I bought my binder that she doesn't know if she could be with me if I was trans, and this is coming from a bisexual! Please help!

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bxcellent2eo

You can identify as male or female, or there's other gender identities that may define you better. Some identify as non-binary, gender fluid, genderqueer or androgynous. Perhaps you can speak with an LGBTQ therapist for some guidance, and determine if you should start a gender transition.

<3

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Lukaleidoscopic

You don't have to hate your name and pronouns to be trans :) although there are a lot of other genders you should look into first before finally deciding on what you truly think you are, a lot of what you described sounds like what I felt when I began questioning my gender, and I now identify as trans ftm!

If your girlfriend doesn't like the idea of you being trans, don't let that sway you. She's just a person, and despite how much you may like her, if her views mean you can't be yourself, then that's not okay. When you've figured yourself out, then you can start considering her thoughts, and explain to her how you've decided you feel. (Your thoughts on what you identify as might change over time, but I guess this is just for now)

Your family may accept your decision if it comes to you being trans, or they may not- you'll have to tackle that problem if it comes.

Sorry, I'm super opinionated and I've researched a lot on this myself so I thought I'd attempt to help...

you can message me or whatever you do on this (I'm new) if you want to talk but if not good luck

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Yah that's explicitly being trans; not wanting breasts, wanting a D...

Being pronoun indifferent doesn't mean you're not trans.

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I would say that wanting to act in a masculine way and be regarded as masculine by society is not trans, that's just being masculine which is not related to gender identity. Being uncomfortable with your genitals and breasts may be an indication of being trans though, as these things are more tied to your gender identity.

After reading your bit about wanting your girlfriend's dad to ask you to have her home by ten though, I was also wondering if your feelings were related to being envious of boys because they can more easily fulfil the masculine role you want to play? I mean I think it's problematic that a father tells some guy when to bring his daughter home as a) she is not his property, and b) has her own agency, and c) her father should not be handing her off to another man to be looked after for the evening, d) she can probably tell the time, and e) its all just gatekeeping women's sexuality and reinforcing the whore/virgin dichotomy.

So I would say hey, lets not mimic that unthinking patriarchal version of what it means to be a man because it's demeaning to women. And if you are soaked in a culture that automatically demeans women (and therefore in society's mind femininity) and admires men (thus in society's mind masculinity), then it is not at all weird for someone who is a woman to very much want to be treated like a man.

Anyway sorry this is getting long, but I would recommend thinking hard about what is it you actually want. If society changed around you so you could walk around topless and be treated as a masculine person without mockery then would you be ok? Perhaps your asexuality influences your comfort with your body? It's not all that unusual for women, especially lesbians, to not like penetration as a part of sex, and similarly some lesbians and non-binary people like to bind their breasts.

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I think that the difference that Henshin is getting at is the difference between physical and social dysphoria. Both are legitimate ways to be uncomfortable with your gender, or for your gender to cause you pain.

If you feel uncomfortable with your body, then it's worth thinking about how you would want to change it (ie would you like to get rid of your breasts, trade your vagina for a penis? Both? Neither? Facial hair? Muscle and fat distributions? Hips? etc). If you're uncomfortable with how people perceive you and how they treat you in a gendered way, that's also something you can work on changing (ie would you like to be treated like a man? You don't need a penis to be treated like a man; it's about perception and gender roles more than the body).

Some people experience one or the other, or both, or neither. It sounds like you experience at least one of those though, which can be indicative of not being cisgendered. But figuring out exactly what bothers you most will help a huge amount in figuring out what to do about it, to make it feel better. Alternatively, sometimes just finding a label is enough, or helps a lot. In which case, ask yourself how you feel about being referred to as a man (even just in your own head; you don't have to hate the feminine pronouns, just ask yourself how you feel about the word "man" or "boy" in relation to yourself).

If "man" or "boy" doesn't fit you, then check out the definitions masterlist, linked in my signature below and also pinned in this subforum. Scroll through the definitions, and just see if any resonate. It may be something you never even knew existed.

:cake:

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