romance

[binary suns]

i typed "define romance" into google and got -

ro·mance

noun

a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.

verb

court; woo.

this definition makes way more sense to me than anything else I've ever seen on aven.

is there any reason for me not to just determine my romantic orientation based off of this?

[RK800]

Personally I think you can determine your label anyway you choose, it's really not anyone else's business.

Romantic attraction is different for lots of folks. For me it's usually a combination of attachment, unpleasant nervousness, and varying degrees of infatuation.

[Snao Cone]

That definition makes a lot of sense. It doesn't exactly include the overall desire for steady partnership in a deep and intimate way, as that's quite boring and familiar, but it's still romantically orientated, most of the time.

[binary suns]

maybe oh, maybe it isn't that the definition is better than the alternatives, but that that definition in juxtaposition with the alternatives makes the alternatives suddenly make sense. that, people say an aromantic person doesn't feel romantic attraction. but what is romantic attraction?

so i guess then. what I am thinking is. that attraction that one gets excited over, and it has a mysterious element to it, where the mundane becomes fascinating and wonderful instead of boring or comforting or interesting or curious only. that would be what romantic attraction is.

but the question is, is that what could distinguish a crush from a squish? or does a squish contain that novelty and wonderment too? if we assume that the scale of interesting goes: {from Boring to Comforting to Interesting to Curious to Fascinating to Wonderful}. that a squish would be wonderful in some different way than a crush is. a squish finds wonder in the quirks just like a crush does, but a crush finds wonder in the mundane and a squish only makes the mundane between comfortable and curious? and then a squish makes the squish's friends and interests wonderful, while a crush makes friends and interests only comforting to curious. or something like that, IDK.

[HonoraryJedi]

Hey, an actual definition, I didn't think it possible^^ Usually the question 'what is romance?' turns into a weird circle of romantic attraction being the desire to do romantic things with a person, and 'romantic things' is defined by the individual.

An entier culture making millions of songs about the subject, and no one able to tell where the line goes between strong platonic affection and romantic love! (Personal pet peeve of mine, by my nature I want everything defined. It is not always possible or practical^^')

Also, hi, I'm new here *waves awkwardly*

[m4rble]

If excitement and mystery is all there is to it I don't see why I couldn't be a romantic. Oftentimes it seems like people describe more physical and emotional elements to it than that. Of course, romance can mean different things to different people, so no definition is the end ll be all. I think for a lot of people romance is kind of mixed up with sexual attraction(which I'm defining as a general allure not necessarily sexual desire, but it could be either, so who cares) so they don't seek romance outside their sexual orientation. I don't know, this is all sort of becoming word soup, I know I'm not romantic in an exactly typical which has made a lot of things people have said seem rather bizarre to me before I figured this out. I think cupioromantic is a good label for me because in your thread, "Romance is pursuing a relationship," it was made clear that people don't agree whether I'd qualify as romantic or aromantic. I think this is what the grey area is for.

[binary suns]

no, it isn't just excitement and mystery, well actually... to be specific, it is excitement and mystery that is in addition to to a thing. romance is when excitement and mystery layers upon preexisting emotions I guess?

first let's think about how looking out at a mountain or wandering alone in ancient ruins is called romantic. this isn't saying about people or attraction or none of that. it is just the atmosphere, the scene, the feelings we have in such a moment, taking in the beauty around them. it inspires awe, it almost brings upon a feeling of love, and that doesn't really make sense because we usually think of love as something we have for a close friend or family member. the scene is mysterious or exciting... and other similar things. and so the most efficient word we have for that is to say the scene is romantic.

so it is like that. attraction is attraction. attraction means to be drawn towards a person or thing, attraction is when we find our emotions of interest, pleasure, or liking towards something or someone evoked or inspired in us. this attraction wouldn't be romantic when we look at a cookie and think of its tastiness or our hunger. but romantic attraction would be when a person themselves, or our attraction in them, if either of those things have some curious additional layer of mystery and/or excitement. well that isn't the most specific way to say it... the most specific way to say it is to say that it is romantic hehe. but like... when we have a friend we get giddy when we're about to hang out for them for the first time. so in one sense that is a romantic element to the friendship... but romantic attraction is when that is persistent beyond just the explainable circumstances.

I'm gonna stop here because I'm pretty sure my explanation is going to get more complex... I don't have good words to put my thoughts onto the page... like, romantic attraction would be when the person elates you with their presence and there isn't really a good reason why. idk how to say it better than that.