PixieCat Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Hi! So here's the situation: I've been doing some research lately and I think that I'm asexual, but I'm still sort of confused? There's a lot of conflicting information. Like, some places say asexuality is just not being interested in sex and others say it is a lack of sexual attraction but not neccessarily sexual desire, and there's a lot of difficulty for me as a teenager to figure out if I'm ace or demi or just straight and haven't gotten the hormone rush of sexual attraction yet? I have no interest or desire for sex and have never been sexually attracted to someone but have been romantically loads of times, so I'm still sort of unsure. People keep saying they were the same way and I should give it time which makes me feel like I'm maybe not ace and just a late bloomer, help?? Signed, A very confused probably asexual maybe? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WinterWanderer Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 A lot of what you said makes you sound ace. I definitely hadn't felt sexual desire as a teenager, and still don't. But like you said, you could also just be a late bloomer. I hate to give a disappointing answer, but I think giving yourself time is the best way to figure it out. See if your feelings change over time, and if they don't, then you're probably asexual. Also, it doesn't hurt to use the asexual label for now, even if you're not sure. Try it out for a while and see whether it feels like it fits you or not. And honestly, labels aren't all that important. So if you can't figure out your label, that's okay too. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PixieCat Posted July 22, 2016 Author Share Posted July 22, 2016 Thanks for the answer :) I agree, I guess the best way to find out is to probably wait and see what happens:P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 The places saying asexuality is lack of sexual attraction but not necessarily lack of sexual desire are wrong; having just the latter is just a normal sexual person consisting of half of the sexual population. And this misconception exists in the first place because of AVEN's inaccurate definition/some cultures defining orientations by attraction (and use attraction to mean many things it doesn't). And if you're 16 or younger then your orientation could still be developing. Rarely it's also as late as 18. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PixieCat Posted July 23, 2016 Author Share Posted July 23, 2016 Thanks for the clarification, Star Bit. :) As for the last bit, I actually am 17, so that's why I'm majorly conflicted about the late-bloomer thing :/ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 If you're not sure at this point, you might want to consider identifying as ace-questioning - if not for your own sake, then to explain to others. It's a good way to introduce the concept to those not familiar with it, while also deflecting the "Oh, you'll meet someone some day" responses you might get. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PixieCat Posted July 24, 2016 Author Share Posted July 24, 2016 Hey, Snow Cone! That's actually a really great suggestion, thank you so much. It actually feels a lot better to me, since I'm not quite sure yet :3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 AVEN is a great resource to help you figure yourself out while you're still unsure, so I hope you stick around, as we're very happy to help you figure yourself out. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
indigorose Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 17 is not that late really a "late, late bloomer" This might help http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2015/07/guest-post-26-year-old-virgin/ Also could look into something like demisexuality. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Why exactly are you suggesting demisexual? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
indigorose Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Why exactly are you suggesting demisexual? I'm not sure if this question is directed at me, but from my understanding is you can feel sexual attraction after one has an have an emotional bond. It doesn't sound like the OP has a chance to experience a strong emotional bond yet (I might be wrong), and if she hasn't then I would keep an"open mind" that sexual attraction could form with a strong emotional bond in the future with someone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Yah, but by suggesting it it sounds like it's a suggested orientation not "something to keep an open mind for" which should've been said. I said what i did because many people theorize they'll be ok with sex after a bond when that may never happen and leave a partner waiting for something that will never come. It also means desiring sex and not just being ok with consenting, which people also often mistake if for. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
indigorose Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Yah, but by suggesting it it sounds like it's a suggested orientation not "something to keep an open mind for" which should've been said. I said what i did because many people theorize they'll be ok with sex after a bond when that may never happen and leave a partner waiting for something that will never come. It also means desiring sex and not just being ok with consenting, which people also often mistake if for. I'm sorry you felt that I meant that and I can understand that it could have been construed the wrong way. People do sometimes make frudian slips with writing online or articulate things perfectly. But to be honest I have seen countless post on this forum telling people what they "sound like", without suggesting them to explore more. I try my up most not not to that, because I feel it's quite harmful to suggest what a person is and that they should rather explore and research different ideas. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 I'm not telling you you were wrong for including it, just that that disclosure of "being demisexual could happen if you've never had a strong bond" just needs to be said because, as i said, alot of the time people misinterpret/misuse the term demisexual. It was just a needed precaution with that specific orientation because it can be a dangerous term if the person turns out to not be it. I just hate reading stories where the person identified as demisexual and ended up not being it and the partner was pissed and/or they broke up (whether the person was already sexually compromising or not). Also, with your link, while i will agree that being a late bloomer and still being a virgin are more common than people may think (which are two different things), and it needs more exposure as being a norm, but being someone who hasn't "bloomed"/desired sex yet in their 20s isn't, and that's a statistical fact (can't recall the study...). In fact, i bet a good amount of the people she was insisting on knowing that hadn't "bloomed" yet were ace; we're 1 or 2 in 100 and who knows about the Gray-sexual percentage, so the odds are in her favor for meeting someone like us eventually. And i would say her late realization was due to herself and not her brain "blooming" late. She uses late bloomer very broadly (i.e. seems to include virginity in it which the term doesn't actually include), so who knows what she meant by it when referring to other people. She just forced herself to date whoever without asking herself what she was attracted to. Most women also need a bond and foreplay to desire sex, so no wonder she was late to that as well. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PixieCat Posted July 24, 2016 Author Share Posted July 24, 2016 Oh my goodness, thanks for all the information! I have looked into demi-sexuality, and I hadn't ruled it out as a possibility, so right now I'm mostly going with 'wait and see'. Also, about the link, that's a very similar scenario I've heard from a lot of people, and it's the main reason I was so shaky about identifying as asexual, even though I feel it fits what I'm feeling right now. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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