new to asexual relationship. just found out

[wonky123]

hi, im looking for some help. been in a relationship for a while now. and recently learned my partner in crime in asexual. lately ive been doing alot more research and some of it makes sense and some of it does not. for example in the beggining we had sex not as often (long distance) and after moving in together decent but after college started up and sense little to none, down to maybe once a month. going over alot of things and recently being told this i asked if anything i can do to get her in the mood and so on.(at this point i realised we havent been really ever having sex due to something always seeming to be going on etc..) she gave me ideas but i only seem pushy it seems. looking more and more into it seems like an open relationship for peerely sex / not monogamy is a possibility but i hate the idea. havent m/entioned it to her and dont really want to. due to long distance relationship i have been flat out flirted with and engadged at times. im open to try it but would rather not. but the idea of no sex essentially the rest of my life has been killing me the last few weeks. any help for new to asexual relationships

[(A Clever Name)]

Now, I'm far from an expert in this area, since I only discovered asexuality recently as well, but it is the rule in any relationship: You have to talk to her.

It may be awkward and difficult, but if you are unhappy in your relationship because you feel that your needs are not being met, you have to talk to your partner about it. Do not blame her for making you unhappy, attempt to guilt her into getting in bed with you, or demand that she look after your needs above her own. Keep in mind that as terrifying/uncomfortable/unbearable as the idea of a life without sex is for you, the idea of a life with it may be the same for her (it varies between individuals, and you won't know unless you ask). So ask her for ideas and together try to talk out a way that both of you can get what you want/need out of your relationship. If you want to be subtle about bringing up the topic of polygamy (not monogamy), try telling her that you read about it online and asking her opinion.

I don't have any detailed suggestions for working out your relationship, but your partner will definitely appreciate the emotional trust/connection of you being honest about your feelings and making an effort to talk things out together.

[touching-not-so-much]

If she's truly asexual, there is no "mood" to "get in" - asexuals do not like having sex, for the act itself. It tends to be done as a known obligatory part of a relationship for the other person or sometimes if they feel it is the only way they feel their partner "opens up" to them for closeness. On the other hand, some asexuals are still romantic or somesuch, and enjoy cuddling and making out and some even like the foreplay itself, or even masturbation. It isn't ideal for you, but maybe you all could compromise on a mutual spot of that or something, etc.

Asexuals having sex is like taking antibiotics or allergy or pain pills - you don't just LOVE taking pills for the sake of swallowing a small, smooth rock, or even because the pill itself gives you pleasure. It's because it does something in the body that has a positive, beneficial effect to fix or maintain a weakened immune system, body part, etc.