Is your Gender Important to You?

[All the little Lights]

Hi everyone

Recently I've started to question my gender identity. Can you help me by answering this question?

Is your gender important to you? If yes, in what ways? Do you feel empowered when someone includes your gender?

I'm bio-female and I don't really find much importance in it. The mostly portraid way of (binary) gender around me is just heterocentric or based on stereotypes. Because I like neither of these, I wanted to ask you guys about it.

So, has anyone a view on gender that could help me?

[Tanzanite]

To be honest, it's not really important to me either. I focus way too much on my personality and self discovery to really care. This even extends to my fashion sense: I can picture myself wearing so many different things, including 2 dresses and a tuxedo (complete with a top hat and tail coat). My tastes have such a wide range that I stopped thinking about gender and just thought of what I think I'd look good in.

[LenaLuthor]

I am happier when people accept my gender identity. That is very important to me.

[Emery.]

My gender is an aspect of who I am in this world, it's as important for me as for everyone else, and as important as any other identity of mine - like as a STEM person.

[SirEl]

My body is important to me. How I see myself is important to me. How other people see me is important to me.

Labels are a tool to explain who I am and what I want to be. I just am bigender and that's apart of me and affects how I see myself and other people. Without my gender identity I'd probably be a fairly different person who's made different choices in life, so all in all my gender identity is very important to me.

[Guest]

I don't usually think about it consciously. But as a cis female, I think I would feel dysphoria if tomorrow I was a biological male instead. I relate to being female - I feel that I belong to the same group with those who identify as such. If I had children, being called mother would feel right. It's hard to explain why this is exactly.

[fiѕh]

I never really cared about it, just cause I can't really relate to either being male or female. I just never really felt like it had much to do with me, for no real reason at all. It's fun to play around with it, and it's not like I got anything against gender stereotypes or stuff. But I was born male, my ID says male, people are gonna refer to me as that, and to me personally my gender is really nothing more than those facts.

As for acceptance, it's sorta annoying when you have to explain that you're not gonna have any body parts cut off just because you don't exactly "identify" as male. But people not bugging me with any BS is really all the acceptance I need. Someone not getting it is fine, I could really come up with a whole lot of more important problems than that. (My ex was really annoyed at me doing things like painting my nails for some reason lol... I always waved it in his face, we both laughed about it, everything fine.)

[butterflydreams]

I don't think "important" is the right word. It's important that I allow myself to be my authentic self. But is my gender important to me? Not really I don't think. I always remind myself that I define myself, not my gender. From a trans perspective, I just want to assert myself to the world and to myself as female, that's it. That's kind of why I'm not really a fan of the term "gender identity". It seems more intrinsic than an identity. I just am.

[Busrider]

Do you feel empowered when someone includes your gender?

???

The politician addressing a crowd "Dear Tumblr Snowflakes" instead of "Ladies & Gentlemen" gets your vote? - I'd consider them cool for sure.

[Grumpy Alien]

I don't really understand gender. It's important to me that people don't see me as masculine.

[Muledeer]

I don't really think about my gender very much. I am glad I am a male and I identify as such.

[Jea]

I feel totally like you Marie, I started using the lablel demigirl to describe my gender (so half girl, half agender) but I don't really care much about it. They don't have a neutral pronoun where I live so it's not relevant, but in general I don't care whether people use 'she' or 'they' pronouns for me. I always wondered if not caring about one's gender means the person is not binary. I'm pretty confused as well xD

[Chardog]

Yes, it's VERY important.. Considering I still present as my birth gender, people constantly expect me to "act female" and I can't. I've been trying to my whole life and I just get treated like a defective outcast because I can't fit myself into other people's expectations.

[ChillaKilla]

It's important to me... I feel like I had to journey through the valley of death just to find out what the damn thing is, so it better be important!

[deltaX]

I don't think gender is very important to me personally. I know it is to a lot of other people and I do my best to respect that, but I'm not really bothered with how people see my gender. I'm bio-female and identify as cis kind of by default. I have a mix of feminine and masculine personality traits, and never really felt the need to present as overly feminine. If someone sees me as male by mistake, I don't really care.

[Rising Sun]

Yes and no. Yes because it's a part of me, no because I don't understand much the social expression of it, and gender roles as well. Which is why I often do what I can to fit in (should I play and fake femininity), and consider fitting in as a priority for my wellbeing, although I wouldn't recommend choosing such a life path to others.

[UncommonNonsense]

I'm very conflicted about the gender I was assigned at birth. I don't feel female or identify as female.

I am agender, and that is what feels right to me. Because it feels right, it has become fairly important to me. I am not totally 'out' about it the way I am about being ace, given that only a few members of my family know and I haven't told the most important person in my life yet, and it isn't something I introduce myself to new people with (there's no "hi! I'm {my name}. I'm asexual and agender!" with me). If I get to be close with someone, I may or may not tell them. My boss and a couple of my coworkers know.

The fact that most people still read me as cis-female sometimes bothers me. When someone 'mistakes' me for male I feel a lot better. If someone would identify me as agender straight away, without being told, I would feel **awesome**!

[Dodecahedron314]

I feel like that sense of importance kind of comes and goes for me, for multiple reasons (dysphoria, mental health, possible genderflux weirdness, etc.). It's always kind of in the back of my mind, because I don't pass and I'm not out at work so I get misgendered a lot there, and some days that bothers me a lot more than others. On the flip side, I still get really happy whenever someone uses my pronouns (or really any pronouns that aren't she/her, honestly), or when I see an agender/nonbinary pride thing on the internet, or when I come across a nonbinary (or especially agender!) character in something. But on the other hand, gender as a whole is a super weird concept to me because I don't have one--it's so nebulous and subjective that nobody can even agree on what it is and what it means to be a certain gender, so the strong psychological effect that it can have is actually kind of bizarre if you think about it, because what is it even based on???--so I suppose it's just kind of the recognition of that fact that makes me happy. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not denying anybody's gender or dysphoria or anything, I just personally think that it's really odd how this strange psychological parameter exists in the human brain.)

[RK800]

Hm.

It's important in a fleeting sort of sense. I mean I am a boy, and like many folks when others treat me as a boy, refer to me as male, etc...well, it makes me feel nice. I like being seen for who I am not what I just happen to look like.

[Guest]

I don't think gender is very important to me personally. I know it is to a lot of other people and I do my best to respect that, but I'm not really bothered with how people see my gender. I'm bio-female and identify as cis kind of by default. I have a mix of feminine and masculine personality traits, and never really felt the need to present as overly feminine. If someone sees me as male by mistake, I don't really care.

This, but the male version here.

[Toothlesss]

Gender, honestly most of my life so far, I never really bothered thinking about it. It's more about being me, rather than comforting to outdated societal constructs. I'm comfortable in my own body though- so basically if I wound up in a male body tomorrow- I'd feel like a small part of me is missing somewhere and I'd feel annoyed by the extra piece of machinery.

That being said- I only dress feminine for super special occasions like weddings etc- because wearing a dress occasionally doesn't bother me.

[Emery.]

If I woke up bodily male tomorrow I would feel wierd and awkward. I used to feel like wanting it to happen, but now... Not so much. I like being me, even if I'm the strangest woman under the sun.

[Starfalcon]

You could say my relationship with gender is complicated, but it's not complicated in the sense that I think a lot about it or am uncomfortable with how I am. I don't feel particularly female or feminine, but I still mostly identify as a woman. I like dresses and skirts just as much as I like jeans and t-shirts, but I never wear make up and rarely bother to shave my legs. I have really long hair and have never seriously considered cutting it, but I don't personally see long hair as gendered and find it as attractive on a man as on a woman.

I get don't get offended when people accidentally call me "sir", although I have gotten very confused depending on how I'm dressed or how well the person addressing me that way is able to see me. When people who didn't know me as a kid see pictures of me from before I started growing my hair out at 7, they sometimes mistake me for a boy, and I find that more funny than anything. I don't see it as either good or bad. I wouldn't want anyone to call me "he" except as an occasional mistake/slip of the tongue, though, and I would probably feel disphoria if I was born into a male body. I probably am somewhere between female and agender, but I don't personally like "they" as a singular pronoun. I recently figured out why I didn't like it (and the main reason is not related to grammar, although I'd rather not get into it) and I have no problem with other people being called they, but I would be uncomfortable with someone using it to refer to me. That said, if English had gender neutral pronoun that didn't imply plurality or being an inanimate object, I'd be perfectly happy to be called by that. In fact, I really wish there was such a pronoun that we could agree on. But since there isn't, I have no problem being called "she." And even if there was such a pronoun, I'd probably go by the feminine one more often than not.

[Nylocke]

I feel that my gender identity is important, its just as important as anyone elses. There is a thing called respect for others that tends to lack in this present day. For there seem to be many who just think and call people like me a "special snowflake syndrome" case. The fact that I am on the autism spectrum helps even less because while autistics are generally known for straying away or not entirely adhering to gender normative behavior the fact that I have an "atypical neurotype" makes my identity less significant to others.

[Okane]

I don't understand why people are making such a big deal of genders these days.

A lot of girls actually never wear make-up, never shave, etc and are still cis female. I see a lot of people saying that they're gender-neutral just because they aren't stereotypical girls/boys. For example, genderfluid enforce gender roles, as if wearing jeans make you a boy and wearing a dress make you a girl.

It feels like most of non-dysphoric people who changes their gender are people who wants to be special. Or maybe they're just teens going through puberty and questioning their identity, which happens a lot. They either want to stand out of the majority, or be part of a group, with people who are different than the norm.

But again, I cannot judge, since I've never been through dysphoria or have questioned my gender. This is simply my opinion, and it's completely fine if you don't agree with it.

[Another One]

In a perfect world I would not care about my gender because nobody would, I wish I just could keep living my life without even thinking about gender. In the real world, most people expect me to behave in a certain way because of their gender expectations, and it's important for me to explain them it's not going to work.

In fact, the less I care about my gender, the more others do. When I was wearing something obviously feminine, most strangers didn't even look at me. When I'm dressed in an androgynous way, most people at least stare at me, and less polite folks approach to have a close look or even ask me if I'm a boy or a girl. If I'm doing a work or enjoying a hobby that is perceived masculine, and I don't think it's gendered at all, there are always others to drive my attention to its gendered side.

So yes, it's (sadly) important to me.

[Nylocke]

I don't understand why people are making such a big deal of genders these days.

A lot of girls actually never wear make-up, never shave, etc and are still cis female. I see a lot of people saying that they're gender-neutral just because they aren't stereotypical girls/boys. For example, genderfluid enforce gender roles, as if wearing jeans make you a boy and wearing a dress make you a girl.

It feels like most of non-dysphoric people who changes their gender are people who wants to be special. Or maybe they're just teens going through puberty and questioning their identity, which happens a lot. They either want to stand out of the majority, or be part of a group, with people who are different than the norm.

But again, I cannot judge, since I've never been through dysphoria or have questioned my gender. This is simply my opinion, and it's completely fine if you don't agree with it.

Yea ... maybe you should sit this one out, ehh buddy??? I didn't learn the truth of my gender identity till I was 22 so how's that for a phase and a half??? Now granted I waited it out a few years to see if it actually was a phase because everyone knows the brain doesn't reach full maturity until age 25. At age 26 I am yet still a genderqueer person who claims neither and both genders at the same time and I'll be 27 in the fall.

[R_1]

If I woke up bodily male tomorrow I would feel wierd and awkward. I used to feel like wanting it to happen, but now... Not so much. I like being me, even if I'm the strangest woman under the sun.

If I woke up as female, the first thing I would feel is violated because someone touched my body without my permission.

[Guest]

I think gender, in the sense of whether your outward presentation matches your internal feelings, is incredibly important for mental health. I think that gendered things (aka: masculinity and femininity and cultural standards for each) are highly irrelevant and I mostly try to pretend they don't exist.

If I woke up bodily male tomorrow I would feel wierd and awkward. I used to feel like wanting it to happen, but now... Not so much. I like being me, even if I'm the strangest woman under the sun.

If I woke up as female, the first thing I would feel is violated because someone touched my body without my permission.

LOL... I'd probably commit myself to a mental institution: "I swear, I SWEAR, yesterday I had boobs!"

[butterflydreams]

I think gender, in the sense of whether your outward presentation matches your internal feelings, is incredibly important for mental health.

This I can 1000% agree with. While I don't doubt there are people out there who would genuinely be happy and fine with any body/presentation they woke up with, I think for the majority of people, it's very important that it stays in line. And living a lifetime without them in alignment feels like putting on glasses for the first time when you start to correct it.

Relatively speaking, I've been able to get on top of correcting things very early in my life, but that doesn't mean I don't feel a lot of sadness for all the years that were harder than they should've been.