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Should Sexual People Want Sex?


Zargos

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Thats why I said likely. You were with a bisexual women who sought out opposite gender secondary partners, which strikes me as not the same situation as say, for instance, a heterosexual male seeking women as sexual partners while they have another person as a primary.

Bottom line: compromises almost never make both parties %100 happy, and tend to erode the relationship over time. Polyamory is not always going to be an option. Both those problems are irrelevant if both parties are sexually compatible

While I can agree to all of that.. I consider "100% happiness" in a relationship a completely unattainable goal. If one is searching for that, it's better to just stay single for life - every relationship is just about guaranteed to be a disappointment, regardless of how compatible you are. Humans just aren't good enough for it, in general - and I have never yet seen a single specimen of the species whom I'd rate as an exception to that general rule.

Relationships can only ever give a reasonable amount of happiness, quite a lot below 100% - and if that isn't enough for someone, my advice to them will always be to just stay celibate, and find happiness within themselves alone. It's not worth the hassle and frustration to seek it in others. (No, not even for romantic sexuals - lifetime abstinence is still easier and more promising of success, even in that case.)

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OutsideObserver

Thats why I said likely. You were with a bisexual women who sought out opposite gender secondary partners, which strikes me as not the same situation as say, for instance, a heterosexual male seeking women as sexual partners while they have another person as a primary.

Bottom line: compromises almost never make both parties %100 happy, and tend to erode the relationship over time. Polyamory is not always going to be an option. Both those problems are irrelevant if both parties are sexually compatible

While I can agree to all of that.. I consider "100% happiness" in a relationship a completely unattainable goal. If one is searching for that, it's better to just stay single for life - every relationship is just about guaranteed to be a disappointment, regardless of how compatible you are. Humans just aren't good enough for it, in general - and I have never yet seen a single specimen of the species whom I'd rate as an exception to that general rule.

Relationships can only ever give a reasonable amount of happiness, quite a lot below 100% - and if that isn't enough for someone, my advice to them will always be to just stay celibate, and find happiness within themselves alone. It's not worth the hassle and frustration to seek it in others. (No, not even for romantic sexuals - lifetime abstinence is still easier and more promising of success, even in that case.)

Quite right. Perhaps a better statement is that compromises already start the relationship with a source of strain, one that gets worse, not better, as time passes.

And obviously, other factors between two people might outway sexual incompatibility, but that'd have to be a rare and special connection.

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I see the incompatibility more as a way to exercise letting go and leave your entitlement behind, rather than as a source of strain.

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I see the incompatibility more as a way to exercise letting go and leave your entitlement behind, rather than as a source of strain.

These two aspects go hand in hand together, IMO. If letting go of entitlement wasn't stressful, we'd surely have managed to completely do so long time ago... making child's play of growing up, basically.

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binary suns

But it's not vital to asexuals, and to some or even many of them it is repugnant.

Do you think asexuals should only have relationships with asexuals once they realise they are asexual.

unfortunately, this is often the case. it is not really much different from a homosexual/heterosexual relationship right?

I mean with either mixed relationships do happen... so it isn't really a hopeless thing. but they are rough and usually end, and are commonly advised to just not try. it is a significant incompatibility. but, it is certainly up to the individual.

I don't think I would say "should" personally. but I would not really oppose anyone who did say so... because it is an oppinion I guess, and has validity in its claim.

essentially... if you like a person and want to try for the relationship, don't be afraid to. but if you are trying to figure out ways to find partners, it is smart to lean towards methods that focus on compatibility instead of incompatibility

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