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Getting fed up with assumptions


Bambi2

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Now that I am single again, having become a widow last year, I find that if I so much as make eye contact with any man, he automatically thinks I'm flirting with him. It has gotten so that I walk down the street not even glancing at or meeting the eyes of passing men. I even still wear my wedding ring to discourage them but men, including handymen and male neighbors think I must be hard up for sex now that my husband is gone. They should only know that if I never had to have sex every again, I would be the happiest woman on earth. I just get so infuriated by the assumptions made about newly single again women, even older woman.

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Queen of Wonderland

I get the frustration you're feeling; it must be really difficult after losing someone to have to deal with things like this too. I don't think you should blame the people who're trying to flirt with you too much, because I suppose they see a single person they might like, they get interested. That's just how some people are. I also think that if its someone in your life who's doing this, then I would talk to them, let them know you're not interested in companionship right now. Anyone else, I don't know what to tell you; you can't control the thoughts of strangers.

Good luck with this, I hope you figure it out and find some peace :cake:

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Easier said than done, I'm afraid. One of the handymen in my building accuses me of having an affair with the handyman in the building next to mine and as much as said to me "Your husband is dead, right. You're all alone in there now?" His remarks made me very uncomfortable as to what he was implying. I complained to my landlord and will never allow this particular handyman to ever again do any work whatsoever in my apartment.

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Easier said than done, I'm afraid. One of the handymen in my building accuses me of having an affair with the handyman in the building next to mine and as much as said to me "Your husband is dead, right. You're all alone in there now?" His remarks made me very uncomfortable as to what he was implying. I complained to my landlord and will never allow this particular handyman to ever again do any work whatsoever in my apartment.

That would bother me too! THat seems like sexual harassment to me.
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Yes, that is the way it sounded to me, too. And that is why I reported it to my landlord so he will have it on record should this handyman make another move. In the meantime, I am staying far away from him and he was told not to talk to any of the tenants.

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Blue Phoenix Ace

That handyman is a complete ass. Nobody should talk to you like that.

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UncommonNonsense

What a *creep*. I hope that nasty jerk gets fired, and soon!

I'm a single-never-married, and I've gotten harassed too. It's awful, and it makes you feel vulnerable and somehow soiled... but you have to realize that this really has nothing to do with you. A creep like that would say his garbage to any female, married, single, widowed, whatever. His only way to feel like a big man is to bring someone else down. It doesn't matter who. He's a pathetic figure who is powerless and the only way he can trick himself into feeling like he has any power at all is to bully and harass women.

Document every time he has ever said or done anything that made you feel scared, vulnerable, upset, etc, and keep records of the date, time, and location of these events, as well as whether anyone else witnessed them and who that person was. Every time there is an incident, record it. Write it down or create a document on your computer/tablet/phone. Always keep a copy someplace safe, like on your workplace computer or your safe deposit box at your bank. If there are more incidents, tell your building's managers that you are keeping records of every negative interaction with him. Sometimes, knowing that a tenant is being proactive about detailing harassment by one of their employees can spur building managers to get rid of a problem employee faster - after all, they don't want a law suit brought against them for inaction, for failing to protect tenants from one of their own employees.

Also, does your building allow you to install your own locks? Do they keep a key to your door? If so, I'd advise installing a door chain lock and locking it whenever you are inside. http://f.tqn.com/y/homesecurity/1/L/m/0/-/-/128081125.jpg

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

Yes, seems an all too common problem. I've had this problem 4 times. First was a local builder who decided to invite himself to dinner after he did some work on my house. The next was the local barber who asked me out on a date even though he was married! When I declined, he got mad at me...next was the telephone engineer who fixed a fault on my line. This was a bad one, because he had my telephone number! I got nuisance calls from him for a month till I contacted his boss and outed him.

All of those were when I lived in London, but when I went to Skye, a local man stalked me for 4 years. It took the form of parking his car outside my house, tailgating me on my way to the shop, laying in wait for my car and trying to broadside me, watching inside and outside my house with binoculars....I could say more.

Terrible thing testosterone, isn't it?

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UncommonNonsense

I've been saying that testosterone has a lot to answer for for years! Man, GMTA.

I am amazed at what creepy guys think they can get away with doing. The sad thing is that in all too many cases they *can* get away with it. This is one reason I'm kind of glad that my work uniform includes steel toed shoes and that thanks to years of figure skating in my childhood and teen years, I can still kick like a horse.

I've faced some pretty awful and scary crap from guys too.. I've talked about some of it on AVEN before. Maybe because of having that in my past, I am very reactive to what I consider creepy behaviour and will shut that nonsense down in any way I can.

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The entitlement of some of the male half of our species never ceases to amaze me. I don't know if it is testosterone or how they are raised, but our society does seem to condone predatory behavior.

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