CobaltRose96 Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Hi everyone. This might be a long one, so bear with me! I'm a 20 year old female who has recently begun to suspect that I may be asexual. I've been curious about sex, but never, ever felt a strong desire to have it. Initially, I thought this 'meh' attitude to sex was simply because I'm still a virgin, and therefore didn't know what I was missing, so to speak. Or, I thought that I simply hadn't met the right person. I identify as heterosexual, and can certainly be aesthetically attracted to men. I can look at a guy and think he's handsome, but the desire to have sex with him simply isn't there. I'm not disgusted or repulsed by sex, and I'm not a prude (I laugh at raunchy jokes and even crack a few myself), but I feel no desire to engage in it myself. Sex is something other people do. I watch porn and masturbate occasionally, but it's VERY occasional. I can go without doing both for several months and be perfectly content. I do fantasise, but the fantasies NEVER involve me. They always involve fictional characters. If I try to imagine myself in a character's place, it either feels weird or embarrassing, or I don't feel anything at all. I'm not 'meh' with all physcial contact. In fact, I love hugging, putting my arms around, and being tactile with my friends and family members. People who know me say I'm quite affectionate and friendly. It's just sex or any kind of sexual contact that holds no appeal for me. I 'get' that sex can be fun and feel good to other people, but I don't understand the fuss or big deal people make about it. I can honestly say that if I lived the rest of my life and died without ever having had sex, I'd be perfectly happy. I don't feel I'm missing out on anything. I can and have felt romantic attraction, so I know I'm not aromatic. But asexual? I think I might be. Then again, I don't know if this blasé attitude to sex is simply because I'm still a virgin, or because I just haven't met the right guy yet. Ugh, I'm so confused! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks! :) Hannah Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Nothing that you said is mutually exclusive with asexuality. If it's asexual that feels right and comfortable, then that's great! You can look into it again in the future if things change. If you go with what you feel right now, you aren't misidentifying yourself. I haven't desired sex before but I have no idea if I will in the future. I can't know what the future brings. If I have to label myself, it's asexual, but I'm not 100% confident about it despite the fact that it has felt the closest for a while and I've done introspection. So you don't have to be sure to identify with something about yourself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RainedMeadow Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 I think you have to decide this for yourself. You can investigate medically if there is something to help if you want, or you can explore a new identity. Agreed - nothing you said makes you "asexual" or "non-asexual." I think "being" asexual is often both nature and nurture to a degree since it's on a spectrum. You can always learn new things and go a different direction as you get older and more experienced. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Seeing as not every sexual person experiences this magical "sexual attraction" business (whatever that is), that's a really stupid way of differentiating between asexual and sexual folk. But desire for sex, now that's the perfect way to differentiate. So, having a low/non-existent sex drive is basically asexuality. That is the distinction between sexual and asexual. There is a difference in how sexual people experience sex drive: some get the desire for sex directed at very specific people, and others get a more general desire for sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Queen of Wonderland Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 This sounds like asexuality to me, but I think your opinion is more important than anyone else's, so here're my thoughts to do with as you please. The whole aesthetic attraction thing doesn't mean you aren't asexual; you can think things look nice even if you don't feel anything sexual towards them, like pictures or colors or pretty trees or whatever else. The liking physical contact thing also doesn't mean you aren't asexual; that's sensual, not sexual, and lots of ace people like hugging and cuddling and etc. You obviously don't have sexual desire towards men you meet, and fantasizing, but not about yourself, is something else ace people tend to do. So to me, you sound ace. Good luck figuring things out. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Nothing in your account is definitive one way or another. Some people have had similar experiences and turned out to be asexual. Others have had similar experiences and turned out to be sexual. You say you have romantic feelings. Is dating something that interests you? If so, see what happens when you get as far as making out with someone you have feelings for. If making out is unpleasant or you never develop the desire to go further that would be a much stronger indication that you're asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jammer68 Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 This is a very interesting thread. The OP reminds me of me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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