aceghost Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Obligatory TMI warning. :P I've been trying to parse out various the terms that I've seen bandied about on here, and trying to figure out where I sit. I have zero problem with other people having sex. Two (or more) enthusiastically consenting adults, whatever you want, go for it. I believe this makes me "sex positive"(?) in regards to other people, though I would call it more like "sex neutral" since I don't particularly want to see it done in front of me, nor hear any of the gory details afterward. :) But I don't view sex as inherently disgusting, and recognize that some people obviously really enjoy it, and it logically needs to exist to perpetuate the species. For myself, though, it's a bit confusing. I've seen sex repulsed people who blank out the word "s*x" and can't stand to look at themselves in the mirror naked, etc. And I don't identify with those things at all. And yet... I've only had one sexual partner, and she was before I figured out I was ace. We would have sex, though not frequently, and never initiated by me. I would do things to her, and that actually felt nice, in that I was making my partner happy, and I felt very close to her while that was going on, like I was taking care of her in a special way. When she tried to reciprocate though, I would need to spend at least 15-20 minutes mentally preparing, and even then usually my body would straight-up shut that shit down. Like, painful muscle cramping down below, my torso would leap like 10 feet into the air if things ever approached going "inside", etc. :\ I don't remember ever being sexually abused, which might be one possible explanation for this. (This doesn't seem specific to sex, though, more about the general region... I almost broke a speculum while getting the one and only pap smear I've ever had, too. :P ) I also masturbate, and have since I was very young (like 3-4). Not too often, mostly around my period in a "take care of that annoying itch" sort of way. When doing that I stay on the outside, and it's mostly about friction, and it's over in a few mins and feels nice and then I can move onto other things. But yet, if another person tries to repeat the same thing my body is still like "UH, NO." (The one and only time that didn't happen was when I had had a couple of drinks, and it was a really gross feeling of my brain and body being out of sync with one another. :\) So, I'm not sure. It feels like "mentally" I am only sex averse, like it's not something I'd ever seek out, but I'm ok with the concept, and will even do it for someone I love. But "physically" I'm totally, utterly repulsed as hell. Does this weird disconnect happen to anyone else, or am I just "special"? :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 It's neither sex repulsed nor sex averse. Just a physiological reaction. Honestly with that being the case I'm not even certain you're asexual.. I wouldn't want to be touched either if it made me feel like that! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aceghost Posted July 18, 2016 Author Share Posted July 18, 2016 Well, but I still don't feel sexual attraction despite physiology. Like I have never had a crush, no idea if people are "hot" and that kind of thing. So I'm pretty sure I'm still asexual, but yes, I'm complex. :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 I think maybe instead of being sex repulsed maybe you're just not into sex which (before I joined AVEN) is what I assumed asexual meant. :P Obviously there are many attitudes about sex around here but perhaps the way you think about sex is somewhat normal (perhaps... sex neutral?) for ace people? Maybe? Idk. I'm one of the crazy ones who can't look at myself naked so don't mind me. XD Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Well, but I still don't feel sexual attraction despite physiology. Like I have never had a crush, no idea if people are "hot" and that kind of thing. So I'm pretty sure I'm still asexual, but yes, I'm complex. :D Mm.. that's not strictly asexuality (or so I hear), but apparently "something else". But yeah, my girlfriend is just like that, too. Honestly, kinda wish we had a word for that. I think it's a completely different condition from asexuals who can find someone aesthetically attractive, but just don't desire sex as a result. I mean, there's "aromantic", but that just doesn't seem to cut it, because people like you and my partner can very much desire romantic relationships. They just don't experience crushes. It's strange. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aceghost Posted July 23, 2016 Author Share Posted July 23, 2016 I guess I do experience crushes (whoops), but only on people I know well enough to find their personality attractive, if that makes sense. A movie star I can tell is aesthetically attractive, but I know zero things about them so could never picture us holding hands and walking into the sunset, ergo no crush. I definitely do not think I'm aromantic, though. I mean. I suck at romantic gestures, but I still have romantic feelings nonetheless. :) Anyway, it sounds like the OP is just my deal and not the typical experience of other aces, so I'll file that under "Hmmm." :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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