Urchin Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 This question is for any on the asexual and or aromantic spectrum. I personally, am a aromantic asexual who is the complete opposite of the us being cold stereotype. If anything I'm too loving towards people. However I'm very afraid of living alone for the rest of my life. Me also being an Aspie (so much A's) means I have trouble making friends, let alone being in a relationship. To make things worse I want a QP which doesn't include sex or kissing when I'm old enough. It will most likely be very hard for me to find a guy who would be okay with this and be able to deal with all the complications caused by my ASD. I'm almost 100% I'll die alone :/ Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Oi, chin up there friend. There are plenty of guys out there who aren't interested in kissing or sex, myself included. Now to answer your question...I'm not sure. I mean I don't think about it too much to be honest, I'd say likely no though. My p-doc always says I gotta think positive afterall. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 I've been picturing me dying alone for many years, it doesn't bother me, that's just the way it will be. I will be living alone, if I die after I have retired no one will be looking for me for quite some time. The only thing it makes me think about is that I will have to get better at cleaning, and that I should dress nicely all the time (comfy clothes should also look nice), because I don't want to die and have people walk in on a mess, or see me dead in ugly clothes, would be embarrassing, it's enough to just be dead. Link to post Share on other sites
Ricki Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 The problem is, it'll be neigh on impossible to convince you that you won't until someone comes along and you don't. However I can say that it may seem hopeless now, but that doesn't mean it always will be. Just stick doing your thing and people will come into your life. If you try to search for them, all it does it make you feel worse :) Link to post Share on other sites
cavyX Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 There's a lot of asexuals out there that are in happy, fulfilling relationships. So don't loose hope completely. However on that note, yeah, I feel you. I'm romantic but super asexual and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die alone. It's just not something I see in my future, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. It's when you stop looking, you usually find the things you need. Link to post Share on other sites
touching-not-so-much Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 I imagine I'll probably die alone, relationship wise, likely never having had one. It's okay, no different than it is now, except without a tomorrow. I got a little family and two cats - something like that is enough to see my out the door, far as I'm concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
Altroid Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 You'd be surprised what some people are willing to compromise on. For some people the intimacy isn't so much the physical stuff so try not to resign yourself to being alone or consenting to anything you don't want. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Okay so this is gonna be some kind of insight from someone who nearly died alone. Spoilered because you never know. I had pneumonial embolism 18 months ago, a condition where the air that you breathe hardly reaches your lungs. It's a disease a lot of people don't survive and I still have no idea why I did :D anyways, I went to the hospital on my own and while I was laying there, waiting to be treated, something blocked the path to my lungs almost completely. I thought "Okay, if this is it, I'd have liked to say goodbye to... *imagines three specific people*." (Next thought: "Dying mid-season actually sucks." It's strange what kind of thoughts cross your mind in situations like that :D) The next day, I found myself actually happy not to have had anyone around. Yes, the goodbye part would have been nice, theoretically at least, but as I suck at letting go I would just have messed up. A lot of people underestimate the impact these last times have. This would have been the image that my loved ones carried with them for the rest of their lives, unable to do anything! This would definitely not have been the image I would have wanted them to carry. Definitely not appealing. Not at all. Long story short: Dying on your own is not as bad as one might think. Link to post Share on other sites
Urchin Posted July 21, 2016 Author Share Posted July 21, 2016 Okay so this is gonna be some kind of insight from someone who nearly died alone. Spoilered because you never know. I had pneumonial embolism 18 months ago, a condition where the air that you breathe hardly reaches your lungs. It's a disease a lot of people don't survive and I still have no idea why I did :D anyways, I went to the hospital on my own and while I was laying there, waiting to be treated, something blocked the path to my lungs almost completely. I thought "Okay, if this is it, I'd have liked to say goodbye to... *imagines three specific people*." (Next thought: "Dying mid-season actually sucks." It's strange what kind of thoughts cross your mind in situations like that :D) The next day, I found myself actually happy not to have had anyone around. Yes, the goodbye part would have been nice, theoretically at least, but as I suck at letting go I would just have messed up. A lot of people underestimate the impact these last times have. This would have been the image that my loved ones carried with them for the rest of their lives, unable to do anything! This would definitely not have been the image I would have wanted them to carry. Definitely not appealing. Not at all. Long story short: Dying on your own is not as bad as one might think. Wow, it's amazing you're around. It's sort of comforting to know if I'm by myself when I die t won't be as horrible as I envisaged. Link to post Share on other sites
Urchin Posted July 21, 2016 Author Share Posted July 21, 2016 You'd be surprised what some people are willing to compromise on. For some people the intimacy isn't so much the physical stuff so try not to resign yourself to being alone or consenting to anything you don't want. That surprises me. Maybe because I'm young I do not have many examples of that to look to. Hopefully when I'm older people will be more knowledgeable and this will be easier for me to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
KDK Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 I definitely feel that way. I am also an aspie which, like you said, further complicates things. It feels hopeless somedays. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 I believe I can say with certainty that I will die alone. Its not something that bothers me really. Alot of people have told me that you cant go through life alone and that everybody needs someone but I disagree with that ideal. I find that many of the "reasons" people have for a life with others are rather self centered or fear based. "You need to have someone to take care of you" said who? I can take care of myself just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Altroid Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 You'd be surprised what some people are willing to compromise on. For some people the intimacy isn't so much the physical stuff so try not to resign yourself to being alone or consenting to anything you don't want. That surprises me. Maybe because I'm young I do not have many examples of that to look to. Hopefully when I'm older people will be more knowledgeable and this will be easier for me to deal with. Probably so. It's really not uncommon for people to not have relationships until later in their life. It just feels like you're obligated to find someone while you're young. Media and everyone you know probably puts a lot of emphasis on it. I've known people who waited more than 40 years before marrying once. Not unsurprising they seem the most happy with their relationships. Patience is definitely a virtue. Personally the biggest trouble for me was and still is the feelings of inadequacy irregardless of whatever reassurance I got for it. As for the circumstances of being ace or aromatic well this site is full of similar minded people so I imagine it's very doable even if you can't find someone who would compromise. Maybe you don't need to compromise even. Link to post Share on other sites
starry-night-sky Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 I feel the same sometimes. But I can't change the way I am, so I'm trying to accept the situation the way it is. I'm not going to lie, aces and aros have it harder to find a relationship but it's certainly not impossible. There are success stories. Link to post Share on other sites
Mocha Jo Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 Being older, and having been in 2 failed relationships, I am sure I will die alone. I don't mind I suppose, but increasingly I find myself wondering what I am doing in the mean time. Link to post Share on other sites
Garin Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 Why is dying alone a problem? When one's contentment always relies on external forces and agency then truly one shall never be content. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 I probably will die alone, and I see no problem with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 My only advice is, don't own a cat [redacted]. You don't have to sell me on cats, I'm already a fan! Link to post Share on other sites
cheyenneLS Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 I certainly fear of being alone all my life. I hate it. I don't think many of the posters on this thread realize that there will be times in life when you depend on someone. In my line of work I have a bit to do with sick people, injured etc and I see the support many have and that some don't have and it breaks my heart. I worry that if I don't ever find someone, have a family etc then one day I will be old, I will have no partner or family to look after me when I'm sick or disabled, and die a horrible lonely death. Ive seen it happen many times, mainly to those without children and a spouse passed on. One lovely old bachelor never had any family, had some nieces and nephews on the other side of the world though, battled and died a slow death from cancer, NO family at any stage and didn't even have a funeral. Such a sad waste. Hell even now if I ended up in hospital for any reason, broke my arms or legs or whatever, no one would notice and certainly have no one to look after me, help dress me, drive me. I don't like that idea much at all ! Link to post Share on other sites
beatlefan Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 It's definitely a question I've pondered. I'm still learning about myself, but I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic. It's difficult finding a potential life partner when society is geared toward romance, sex, and everything that goes with them. While I won't compromise who I am, I'm somehow able to have connections that mean a great deal to me and make me hopeful. I've always been an introvert by nature, so a lot of these have been built by "my friend X, who knows Y, who introduces me to Z." I'm very lucky to have built a circle of friends, though I see only a small handful frequently. Still, at some point, I'd love to have a relationship that's slightly more than just a bud but within my "no sex, no romance" comfort zone. It may take weeks, months, or years--or it may never happen. But I'm going to be myself while making myself a bit vulnerable in my honesty sometimes and see how it turns out. Link to post Share on other sites
coyote55 Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 I'm not particularly afraid of dying alone; I've been pretty happy with my life overall. Being older, I've been present at the deaths of more than one family member and dealt with the passing of several friends. The idea of my death bothers me far less than the fear of having lived a meaningless life, and while I could have done better in many ways, I think I've done OK. This may sound cold, but it isn't intended to be: To some degree, we all die alone. We may have family and friends around us when the time comes, and they can be of great comfort, but at that point we've begun a journey that they can't follow. I've been with terminally ill people who understand that and are at peace with it... and others who have been terrified. I tend to believe we will be reunited with loved ones after we die, which I hope will buoy me up when the time comes. Link to post Share on other sites
The Emerald Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I wouldn't mind dying alone to be honest. It's not scary for me to think about it, especially since I'm kind of a loner anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
MissTM Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I get what you mean... Like I'm asexual but I have sensual attractions. I like to get cuddles and (platonic) kisses. I like to have companionship now and then... But I have struggled so much with finding a partner who will be accepting of me, purely because I can't give them what they tell me is the "ultimate symbol of love"... My current boyfriend is trying extremely hard to be understanding. We had the talk. I told him everything I think/feel and that it's no reflection on him at all, it's everyone. He has a high libido... I can see this going south because although he is trying and he says he understands, I know I can't give him what he desires and I won't compromise because I've done that before and hated myself and my partner afterwards. Maybe I should invest in a cat! LOL ;) Link to post Share on other sites
_Need_Advice765 Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I´m scared too, and have been almost 100% sure that i´ll die alone too. I develop romantic feelings but have anxiety, i´m ace and don´t like kisses and stuff like that. However I definitely would want someone to live with and have children (adopted). I don´t want to die alone, but I think it is difficult and I´m afraid I won´t find someone. Link to post Share on other sites
indigorose Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I feel the same sometimes. But I can't change the way I am, so I'm trying to accept the situation the way it is. I'm not going to lie, aces and aros have it harder to find a relationship but it's certainly not impossible. There are success stories. I find it so hard to accept the situation. I think about it all the time, and I am wondering if I can ever stop thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
_Need_Advice765 Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I feel the same sometimes. But I can't change the way I am, so I'm trying to accept the situation the way it is. I'm not going to lie, aces and aros have it harder to find a relationship but it's certainly not impossible. There are success stories. I find it so hard to accept the situation. I think about it all the time, and I am wondering if I can ever stop thinking about it. Same. It feels so unfair? And I don´t like it. I wish it was easier. Link to post Share on other sites
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