What do you call your queerplatonic?

[Guest]

Meow! :3

Probably this has been discussed, but I couldn't really find a topic like this.. (Maybe too old to find it)

For the people in a QPR themselves, or even the people who had given it a thought..

What do you call/introduce your queerplatonic partner towards your family?

What do you call/introduce your queerplatonic partner around your friends?

What do you call/introduce your queerplatonic partner around others?

It all depends on the situation though. The closer the person is towards me, the more I'm willing to put the effort in to what our relationship is like.

So for others, I'd start with girlfriend. It's easy, so that they know she's important to me.. But that assumes amatonormativity, and at the slightest hint of sexual/romantic remarks. I'll just shrug it off if it doesn't get much more further than just that one remark.

I don't have many friends, just 2-3 or so. They know me pretty well over the course of 5 to 19+ years. Suffice it to say, they will stay friends forever with me. So there's no need to be "hiding". Because I know they're open-minded. Because I can hardly become friends with people who are close-minded. I'll just introduce her as my partner and moreover my bestest friend. They get the full blown explanation if they ask or... if wanted to tell them anyways.

My family is a whole different matter... My mom, open-minded, she knows already. My dad, a bit more close-minded, but usually leaves me be for what I am until discussions then we disagree sometimes. So I'm more hesitant to tell him what's going on, and probably will stick towards how I would go over it towards others.

For the rest of my family like uncles/nieces ect... Depends on the closeness, and yet again. But probably will start off with girlfriend.

Anytime that "friends with benefits" thoughts comes into question, I'd correct their views though.

Like to hear your thoughts!

[SpeedinThroughSpace]

I don't have a partner and can't say I'm looking for one, but I haven't entirely ruled out the idea for the future. I think I'd just go with girlfriend or life partner (probably depending on stage and seriousness of the relationship... If two people live together for years and support each other and all that, I find it kind of silly to use the same terms that highschool kids use for their first crush, especially if the partners are well out of adolescence). Either way, girlfriend and life partner are both easy to comprehend, people will associate it with the partnership idea, etc. What forms of intimacy are practised in the relationship is not of any outsider's concern anyway (and that goes for all couples IMO). I don't really care if people would assume there is sex and kissing behind closed doors when there wouldn't be. I don't care what others do behind their closed doors either.

[Chihiro]

When it comes to couple, either they are in committed or non-committed relationship. That's the only information people in general are interested in, at the time of introduction. No one cares about relationship dynamics. I would imagine only researchers/counselors/asexuals would be really interested.

So, if the relationship is committed then use words like boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other/life partner/husband/wife/soulmate etc. These words indicate commitment. If there is no commitment I would use best/close friend/casual boyfriend/casual girlfriend. Ofcourse, the couple will have to decide which word they want to use.

Personally, I would get suspicious if people introduced their partner using any uncommon word. I would be like, A) you are acting as though your relationship is special and needs a special word. All relationships are special to the people involved, so you are being obnoxious. B) commitment information isn't clear. I have seen people use this technique to sound committed and then flirt with other people.

(I don't mind what they call their partner while joking, they can call partner monkey-feet or whatever LOL).

Lastly, the label QPR is for you and your partner.It helps you understand your relationship with partner and where to set the boundaries. I don't know why would people outside the relationship would care. I suggest taking sexual or romantic remarks as a joke. People do it for amusement and they wouldn't expect you to respond seriously (I make such remarks on asexuals singles/couples LOL). Even if you were to tell them A-Z of your relationship, it is again entertainment for them.

[Snao Cone]

I very much agree with Chihiro. There are circumstances where I can see it being misleading to call a QPR a girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/life partner if the QPR is essentially lifelong roommates. Best friend might suit that better. But as far as how you publicly identify, the QPR distinction doesn't matter to most other people, and they aren't required to treat your relationship with your QPR any differently from other relationships. So I think it's best to avoid confusion.

In my job, we keep record of employees' relationship status to determine if their partners are eligible for coverage under their benefit plans. If someone is in a committed QPR, we don't care if it's romantic or sexual in nature. If you declare your partner as cohabiting for more than one year, they may qualify as a common-law spouse. Nobody's going to visit your house to test if you're "in love" or meet any other criteria. I can certainly understand aromantic people in committed relationships wanting to dismantle the assumption that the only way relationships are valid is if they're about "love" but rarely are outside people going to challenge the legitimacy if you call your partner any of the words that are used in romantic relationships. It just doesn't concern them.

[Guest]

Yea, you guys are right. It doesn't really concern them...I'd probably not be using terms or special words than the common known ones.

I think I'm just an too open person sometimes, when I should keep things to myself :S.

If something would arise where my QPR would be needing help, ex. drive to hospital. I'd probably say 'my partner' to my employer to make it easy to understand the importance to me.

Oh, and Snow, that's nice of your job place. I hadn't even begin to think about that... yet..

I think here it's only if you have a marriage or registered partnership...

Meh, something to research in the future... :)

[Scottthespy]

If I'm understanding 'queerplatonic' correctly, I call mine 'mom'.

And also 'soul mate'. It fixes the 'how do you introduce them' question and confuses the 'how do they react when they find out its not what they thought' question. My mother and I have always had an especially strong bond, often saying we 'grew up together', since I've been more mature than her in most areas since I was nine (by her count). People are fine with 'this is my mother/this is my daughter', but then if we don't tell people they sometimes assume we're sisters...with me being the older. Mom's a party girl (within reason), and an extrovert, which people often misconstrue as immature. I am an introvert, bordering on antisocial, which prompts most of mom's friends to call me 'an old stick in the mud'.

We act like 'girlfriends' in one of those movies with two best female friends who aren't romantically interested but practically act like they are, and when people notice how much we need to be near each other, the songs we sing together, the way we're almost always holding hands, meeting each others eyes, literally finishing each others sentences...it causes whole new problems with people finding the relationship utterly inappropriate, because they of course leap to romantic love and even lust as an explanation for what we have. Try to explain that 'soul mate just means souls that will always find each other' and you really confuse people.

But...for those who AREN'T in an unusually powerful friendship with an immediate family member, I've heard a few terms that others might like. One of my favorites is "umer", as in "This is my um...er...". Those times when you struggle to find the right word. I heard that one from an older person too, so it might be a term people from the fifties back understand. I've also heard people say "Ours is a relationship that falls between the cracks", and leave it at that.