Jump to content

Bisexual people - How do you "pick your target"? [likely TMI ahead]


Homer

Recommended Posts

Okay so this is something I've wondered about for a while. (I know a few bi women but I'm nowhere close enough to any of them to talk about bedroom stuff.)

Let's say you're "in the mood". What makes you choose to go for one or the other gender? Are there "phases" where you are more into the one than the other? Is it about the things/techniques you'd like to do in this particular situation? Or maybe the partner's gender doesn't matter at all?

Link to post
Share on other sites

My Mother is pretty openly bisexual.

She's been in a steady relationship with one guy for a few years now, she plans to marry him one day. Anywho; she says it's more about who she's around (when she's single, that is). If she's around girls she thinks are attractive she'll lean more that way, if she's around guys who are attractive she'll lean more that way, ya dig?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Granted I only know half a dozen openly bisexual people, but, like pansexual folk, they don't seem to give a toss about biological sex/gender/whatever. They can find people attractive regardless of their body - it's just whoever floats their boat, personality wise, at any given time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan

Well, i'm panromantic and i crush on all genders and just like many people i have preferences, in my case i'm most of time dreamin' with transguys, nonbinaries and cisgirls but depending on the moment i get more into girls, guys, transgirls, nonbinaries, etc, however i still have my preferences.

Normally i don't go after people, i'm shy and usually they're not into nonbinaries.

When i dream, i think of things i only could do with a specific gender. Like there's things girls are fine with and others that boys are fine with.

Also, when i'm into masculine people i feel more masculine, when i'm with feminine people i feel more fwminine and when i'm with nonbinary people i feel more androgynous.

I think my preferences over transguys, cisgirls and nonbinaries are due to the freedom and comfort i feel around those genders. Also guys and transgirls usually are not after nonbinary people, so it's kinda hard finding a partner like that. Also being asexual doesn't help grabbing men or transladies.

Also i like people bc their personality and their gender/sex features, there are 2 kinds of pan people, the ones that like like all genders like i do, and the ones that don't care about their partners' genders.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, there are target fluctuations in a bi person's attraction or sexual desire. Sometimes they also feel attraction for one gender more intensely than the other. As for who they choose to have sex with when attraction isn't present, it's really no different from hetero and homosexual people. They can choose someone because they look good, they think they'd be good in bed, etc.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think "choose" is a misnomer here. Bisexual people don't choose any more than straight people do. You're struck by the love bug, you don't pick someone first and then force yourself to fall for them second.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan

I think "choose" is a misnomer here. Bisexual people don't choose any more than straight people do. You're struck by the love bug, you don't pick someone first and then force yourself to fall for them second.

Oh well, not really, people have preferences, like, for example, i pay more attention on my crushes for boys than i pay for my crushes for girls. But even though preferences exist, love is blind and you can't do anything after Cupid struck you.
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, I might have screwed up the wording right there but then again, I'm clueless :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan

Yeah, I might have screwed up the wording right there but then again, I'm clueless :D

I thought Homer married Margie. Lol

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is something I'm really struggling with at the moment as with things like online dating I honestly don't know where to start. I'm at the age now where I should probably be thinking of starting a family and it seems like that should be with a man, although right now I seem to be more attracted to women. So yes you can't really choose who you are attracted to unfortunately.

I'm attracted to different qualities of men and women, it's a bit of a mind f**k sometimes...

Link to post
Share on other sites

I would imagine that for immediate needs to be served by casual hookups, it would vary depending on what the person was in the mood for. Sometimes people have a specific itch that needs to be scratched, for a particular sexual act, in a particular direction.

For long-term relationships, I'd imagine the gender of the partner matters much less in this regard, but it can still factor in just based on the differences in averages for genders. If there are specific goals tied to finding a partner, that will influence the choices they make. Somebody wanting to settle down with a traditional family might be more inclined to go for the opposite sex. Somebody wanting a partner who supports their community involvement and shares their values in the important of LGBT+ advocacy and activism might find that support in a same sex partner.

I disagree that nobody can choose a factor that will determine who they partner up with. Somebody doesn't need to fall so deeply in love in such a short period of time for the relationship to be valid. Some very loving relationships are built over time, based on compatible values and lifestyles rather than some mysterious factor of metaphysical love.

Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams

I suspect it varies based on the individual in question. I'm sure some people go through "phases" of one over the other. Or maybe that's just how the cookie crumbles for some period of time in terms of people they come across. I'm sure others just go for "whomever they like" as some people here have suggested.

Personally? I've never been with anyone romantically/sexually, but I have my particular likes and dislikes. I actually thought of myself as a "broken bisexual" before I really understood what asexuality was. Sometimes I just sort of "glom" onto someone, and during that time, they have my trust (not given lightly) and unwavering friendship. It's happened with a few friends in the past. But with some friends, even very good friends, it doesn't happen. So I don't really know.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...