Explore4more Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 Anyone else in the same boat? I really like several TV characters and I have sexual fantasies abut them, and I even masturbate thinking about them. I have relationships with them in my head. But I don't really feel anything towards real people ever. I used to have crushes on my professors I thought, but I'd never do anything with it, and always got really embarrassed because I would blush and was scared they liked me. Problem is, I can't really tell what's going on with my sexuality because I also have lots of problems that could lead to low libido or just plain fear. I have a chronic illness (so I'm always tired), have anxiety, have very low self esteem, and I had a bad sexual experience (or whatever it would be called) when I was younger. I have no clue how to go about figuring anything out. I've tried dating sites, but every time someone seems interested in me I freak out because I am terrified of someone coming on to me or hurting me (raping me). I've always been confused about my sexuality. I just wish I knew what to do to figure it out. There's always more questions than answers. Anyone else feel the same? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tirnanog Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 Hey, fellow newbie! I don't have sexual fantasies much (or ever) but I do have romantic ones (imagining cute situations, hugging, kissing, etc). But I do get the questioning, y'know, 'can I identify as asexual if such-and-such is true'? I'm pretty young so I'm figuring things out, how my life is going to go. All I wanted to say is, you're not alone. I've never had a chronic illness or bad sexual experience, and I'm sorry that you have to deal with the aftermath of both. Probably the most encouraging thing I've heard is this, from Rantasmo of 'Needs More Gay' (which helps me learn about more general LGBT issues and depictions in media). His description was about a scale of true hetero- to true homosexuality, but I think it applies to asexuality too. If someone was at a far end towards the 'true' asexual spectrum, even if they only experienced sexual desire a few times in their life or only in a very specific context, they're not lying to define themselves as 'asexual' or 'gray-sexual' or whatever they chose. These terms are useful, but they are just words in the end. So don't worry if you might not fall into exact definitions (we don't label on this site for a reason). I don't know if that helps you, but it helps me. ^_^ We're all in this together, buddy. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Explore4more Posted July 15, 2016 Author Share Posted July 15, 2016 Hey, fellow newbie! I don't have sexual fantasies much (or ever) but I do have romantic ones (imagining cute situations, hugging, kissing, etc). But I do get the questioning, y'know, 'can I identify as asexual if such-and-such is true'? I'm pretty young so I'm figuring things out, how my life is going to go. All I wanted to say is, you're not alone. I've never had a chronic illness or bad sexual experience, and I'm sorry that you have to deal with the aftermath of both. Probably the most encouraging thing I've heard is this, from Rantasmo of 'Needs More Gay' (which helps me learn about more general LGBT issues and depictions in media). His description was about a scale of true hetero- to true homosexuality, but I think it applies to asexuality too. If someone was at a far end towards the 'true' asexual spectrum, even if they only experienced sexual desire a few times in their life or only in a very specific context, they're not lying to define themselves as 'asexual' or 'gray-sexual' or whatever they chose. These terms are useful, but they are just words in the end. So don't worry if you might not fall into exact definitions (we don't label on this site for a reason). I don't know if that helps you, but it helps me. ^_^ We're all in this together, buddy. Thank you so much for replying to my post! I really appreciate it. Having someone say that I'm not alone is really helpful and honestly pretty comforting for me because I often feel alone in all the confusion while it looks like everyone is sure about who they are in terms of sexuality already, and even if they aren't open about it with other people, they still know the truth themselves. So it's so nice to know I'm not by myself in this. Thank you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
One Winged Angel Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 With fantasies you can let your imagination run free, but in the starkness of reality things take on a different light. We all fantasise about many things, not just sexual. We may imagine going somewhere or doing something, but when it comes to actually going for real, we freak out and wish we'd stayed at home. To see ourselves doing something in our minds is very different from desiring it to happen in real life. It is very sensible to be cautious with people, and if you do not feel comfortable it always advisable to follow your gut instinct. This is even more true when you do not know the person, for example on these dating sites. They could be anyone and it shows a great level of common sense to remain wary about them. The labels of sexuality are such a burden for some people that they forget to simply be themselves. These words and phrases are just that - words. They represent how a person feels but are not set in stone. I would suggest not fretting too much about which label is right or wrong, as it could be that in the end, no label is going to express everything about how you feel. If you do not feel comfortable with dating sites or relationships, you do not have to continue with it. In fact, you don't have to do anything you feel uncomfortable with. Reach instead for a better feeling thought, a better feeling place to be. This can sometimes make you unpopular with herd constraints who claim you "need" to do XYZ, but truly you should only do what is right for you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alamoraine Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 I saw the title and couldn't click on this fast enough. XD My crushes were almost exclusively TV characters before I met my husband, and even now I still have a few (he understands they're platonic so he doesn't mind). I think it might stem from my TV viewing being restricted to the umpteenth when I was little. I was always 'too young' for those shows that involved kissing and boys and things like that, so 'here, have some Disney and be young forever!' As a result, when I started getting old enough to be interested, all I knew in the way of desirable beings were TV characters. Like Tirnanog, mine are exclusively romantic: I have tons of fun imagining taking Grell Sutcliff on a girl's night out kind of date, but any thought of post-date bedroom shenanigans makes my mind go 'NopeNopeNopeNope'! There's nothing wrong with taking things slow and taking the time to figure things out. Love can be a very important part of someone's life, and it pays to make sure you know just what you want beforehand so you don't rush headlong into something you'll regret later. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Medowsweet Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 I have also only ever crushed on fictional characters! And -usually- (tho not exclusively) cartoon or book characters. Live action feels a little.... mmm... I don't know... but not comfortable or easy. I usually don't imagine having actual sex with them (or my character having sex with them). Usually it is a scenario based around one of my fetishes. Or we (in my head, in stories, or in RP) chat, go on adventures, and have some form of close emotional connection. Sometimes we fight. I interact with "imaginary people" in one way or another nearly every day. (Drawing, head talking, online RP, writing etc). And this does not exclude fantasizing. I am so happy to find other people who crush exclusively with fictional characters!!! And even talk to them in their head! Squeee!!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alamoraine Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 I have also only ever crushed on fictional characters! And -usually- (tho not exclusively) cartoon or book characters. Live action feels a little.... mmm... I don't know... but not comfortable or easy. I usually don't imagine having actual sex with them (or my character having sex with them). Usually it is a scenario based around one of my fetishes. Or we (in my head, in stories, or in RP) chat, go on adventures, and have some form of close emotional connection. Sometimes we fight. I interact with "imaginary people" in one way or another nearly every day. (Drawing, head talking, online RP, writing etc). And this does not exclude fantasizing. I am so happy to find other people who crush exclusively with fictional characters!!! And even talk to them in their head! Squeee!!!! Oh mannnnn, I do that all the time! I imagine doing things with them, like stuff they normally do and just me tagging along, or I imagine they're with me doing the things I usually do and reacting appropriately. Like being with me at work and bored out of their minds. XD Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Medowsweet Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 At work bored: Yes yes yes!!!! Putting up with/tolerating being there (at my work with me) Hahaha! For sure! All the time! Like an imaginary friend who you can talk to in your head whenever you're bored! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alamoraine Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 At work bored: Yes yes yes!!!! Putting up with/tolerating being there (at my work with me) Hahaha! For sure! All the time! Like an imaginary friend who you can talk to in your head whenever you're bored! Exactly! ^_^ And then Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends said in the first episode that people who create their friends out of existing characters have nooooooooo imagination. Well I have Supreme Kai as mine, so go soak your butt. :twisted: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Medowsweet Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 I have a mix! I hang out with both cannon and original characters. What would Fosters say if you have 20 original imaginary bffs which you hang out with and even the old "forgotten" ones you talk to every so often, but you ALSO hang out with cannon TV/Book/Movie indiscriminately? And at Christmas you have a huge group of cannon and original characters all decorationing the tree together and not nessesarily getting along too well? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Medowsweet Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 Have you done this all your life? We're you into Disney afternoon as a kid? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alamoraine Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 Have you done this all your life? We're you into Disney afternoon as a kid? I do something similar as well; aside from the ones already created by someone, I have a whole zoo full of OCs that run around constantly. My mind is a huge beehive buzzing with a million different sounds and voices all at once. It's why meditation for me is absolutely impossible. As long as I can remember, and YES, I loved the Disney Afternoon! I was brought up on Disney for the longest time, until they made Gargoyles and announced that they supported gays; then my mom didn't like them anymore. <_< (And I liked them EVEN more XD) I have OCs for almost every show they had. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Medowsweet Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 Squee! Imma friend you! Let's see, my best friend used to play his game (she got deep into internet rp recently and so irl rp less often! Sniff.) But we took the whole fearsome five (four actually) to Disneyland a few years ago! My friend and I took turns being them and reacting to various rides and trying to keep them out of trouble! (And we were about 30 At the time!!!!) I recently talked to Bushroot in my head about Clorophyll and gardening. I invited Belle and Rumplestiltskin and Nick and Judy over while cooking the other day. I went through an anime phase years ago but haven't seen any LATELY. Used to hang out with haunted junction, slayers, and fishing yuugi. Also Harry Potter. P.s. I am weirdly loyal to my imaginary friends Quote Link to post Share on other sites
thatoneowl Posted July 17, 2016 Share Posted July 17, 2016 Yeah I was like that too. For me it changed when I saw this one girl (short jet black hair, leather jacket, cute as can be) and kinda fell pretty hard for her during my freshman year. She moved a semester later (unfortunately), but I realized that I'm pretty picky when it comes to who I like. Its easier with fictional characters because you get to know them on a level you can't with most people, and honestly most people aren't as interesting as the ones on screen. You might find someone you like in real life someday, you might not. Either way you're perfectly fine :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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