How Much Does Aesthetic Attraction Matter To You?

[Trashcancrab]

I'm curious about how others on the asexuality spectrum feel about aesthetic attraction. Do you find it's important for a romantic relationship, and how much so?

Thanks to anyone who makes the effort to comment :)

[Lana Overland]

A certain amount, I mean I have problems feeling attracted to people I find completely... well ugly, but as for just spotting an attractive person I don't tend to automatically go to attraction (sexual or romantic). I think that's how most people feel though, even in the sexual world, even if they all say they want the hottest person they really want someone that they like who is hot enough.

[Janus the Fox]

Aesthetics don't at all to me.

[alien_ariel]

Really, ever since I can remember I've never been interested in how someone looks. As a kid I simply didn't understand that love was "supposed" to come from aesthetic attraction; my mom and brother would often try to correct me by steadfastly reasoning that some attraction had to be involved. I mean otherwise, "how would you know you like them?"

To me, it's not important to the point that it's not even relevant. When I do find something aesthetically attractive, it kind of tends to be non normative anyway.

[Rising Sun]

Not really. There are people I find unattractive, especially if they don't take care of themselves, if they're outside of my preferred age or if they're feminine (because I'm attracted to men). And I can identify beauty. But I don't experience aesthetic attraction itself. I'm totally unable to feel that somebody is attractive.

[Star Bit]

1) Do people find aestheric attraction is needed for a good romantic relationship? No, and that's for sexuals and asexuals, though it's always a plus. But i think what you're really trying to ask is if someone being good looking is important to peoples romantic relationships, which is not aeshtetic attraction, but i will say it commonly is. Aesthetic attraction is not recognizing someone is good looking, it is the pull to look at someone due to their looks and/or mannerisms. But interestingly enough, a study of 3,000 couples proved that people who found a partners looks important were 40% more likely to get divorce and people who found a partner's wealth important were 18% more likely. Gender wise, men were 50% more likely to end up divorced when they said looks were important, and women were 60% more likely to end up divorced when they cared about wealth (compared to people who cared about neither).

2) Eventhough asexual/aromantic spectrum is a common phrase it's actually inaccurate and has caused some big problems, so it really needs to be replaced; possibly with subsexual/subromantic spectrum. For one, the term itself doesn't actually refer to asexuality or aromanticism being a spectrum but just things in that vicinity (i.e. asexuality/aromanticism and the gray umbrella).

[Ennis]

There are people that I love for who they are, and I usually find them pretty because I like them.

And there's people that I find aesthetically attractive, that I love to look at, and that make me kind of nervous. I'm not interested in any kind of relationship with those people. I like the feeling of attraction towards them, though.

[TophBeiFong]

I do not find people aesthetically attractive unless I appreciate their personality. I then become overwhelmed by their aesthetic beauty. I do not think I would consider a relationship with anyone that I do not feel this way about.

[AVEN #1 fan]

Oh well, all i care about is for not being grossed to kiss my love interest, i don't care if they're attractive or not, but being cute or sexy helps a bit. But seriously i won't date someone just bc how they look, people are more than that, specially when we talk about non-cis and disabled people.

I'm pan-aesthetic though and i prefer cute over sexy.

[ShyFeather]

☆*･゜ﾟ･* I don't have aesthetic attraction *･゜ﾟ･*☆

Which I know people think that somehow makes my view of people more idealistic because I don't dwell on looks, but I would like to know what it's like to see beauty in people's appearance. To me everyone just has slightly different meat sacks and if it's shaped a certain way others will be enamored by their looks. And I'm over here like 'It's still a meat sack'. I'd like to know what other people see but oh well.

[One Winged Angel]

I think that all people are beautiful in their own way. By trying to acheive some kind of song sheet ideal of beauty is to cover up what you makes you unique. Of course, I am Aromantic as well as Asexual, and so I do not desire a relationship with anybody, no matter what they looked like.

It must be said though that people can be beautiful on the outside but extremely ugly on the inside. If we only see the outside, we are seeing the car but not the driver. It is fine to want a nice looking and clean car, but you must also be able to drive it.

This analogy is similar to how I see aesthetic attraction. Unlike the above poster, I do not see our bodies as 'meat sacks', but as vehicles that we use to explore the world. Our vehicles should look like who we are. A sleek celebrity would be fine driving a snazzy, shiny sports car. But a builder needs a rough and tumble JCB, and it's supposed to have mud on it and scratches here and there. In other words, we should be proud to express how we are, and to look in ways that work for us.

As an Asexual Aromantic, I do still have own idea of what looks good and what does not. It is not connected with any desire to form relationships with the person, but is simply a matter of my own taste. However, your taste might be different, and we must never lose sight of that in order to try to look like something we are not.

[Philip027]

It doesn't matter to me at all. Incidentally, I don't even really feel it toward people I'm not already close to, and if I'm close to someone I'm already more likely to think they are good looking anyway, regardless of how they look objectively.

[Grumpy Alien]

I'm a little shallow in that they do matter to me. They don't have to be a model but I can't see myself being with someone I don't find aesthetically attractive.

[Busrider]

I believe there are two fields of aesthetics.

To me the variable one, where taste manners and cultural standpoint are expressed matters somehow.

[King Al]

Lumberjacks... I like lumberjacks.

But in all honesty, what someone looks like doesn't really bother me, I'm definitely more interested in what the person is like personality wise rather than what they look like.

[Éadweard]

First of all I'm asexual and I don't want a romantic relationship. However, it is important to me even when it comes to friendship. Personality is most important but I also like how a person looks. Just like I wouldn't hang out with certain personalities I also wouldn't hang out with certain people who have no basic pride in their looks. May sound bitchy and superficial but at least I'm being honest.

[Gloomy]

If I ever get into a romantic relationship with anyone I'll have to be aesthetically attracted to them. Their personality would also matter to me of course, but I'd be lying if I said I'd be willing to date someone I'm not aesthetically attracted to.

[dayagime]

I don't really have any interest in a romantic relationship but i suppose it would matter almost as personality does since aesthetic attraction is what makes sensual attraction happen in my case.

[AceOfShovels]

to me, it's not the be all and end all of romantic attraction. In saying that, you're going to have to look at this person a lot if you're in a relationship so it's better if they look nice.

[Medowsweet]

Okay, there are three different categories here:

1) friends and family

2) strangers

3) fictional characters

1) With FRIENDS AND FAMILY:

They are ALL beautiful, ALL of them. Let's say I meet you and I hate your nose but am too nice to ever say so. As we get to know eachother you are super fun and nice and we share a lot of good times. I start actively LIKING your nose. It is distinctive and different. It reminds me of YOU. I start to like it so much I objectively like it on other people because they also remind me of you.

I will date anyone with any physical appearance and they will be beautiful to me if I already love them.

2) With STRANGERS:

The "look" that makes me "want to get to know you better" is either "simmilar to me" or "unusual" coupled with something like "an easy smile", "expressive eyes", and an over all look/demeanor of friendliness.

Extra points for a fandom or geek shirt

What turns me off would be

"Too traditionally attractive": scary/dangerous

"Frowny/scowly"

"Too 'gangsta'/tough guy"

"Too "ripped"."

For women:

"Too made up"

"Mean girl"

"Too fashionista"

"Tries too hard"

3) MOVIE CHARACTERS:

First and foremost I have a few "fetishy" type things (scenarios, like a magic person being human and struggling with this, a vampire trying not to bite, a warewolf trying not to change, emotion based magic a little out of control, feeling sorry for them, wanting to fix/help them, someone who despretly needs friends.... etc)

In stories/fanfics/roleplay I will come along side these people and be their best friend/girlfriend/adopted child whatever depends on the specifics.

Looks matter very little as long as you have one of my "things".

That said expression and expressiveness are important.

[Peachyy]

There are just too many aesthetics that I like for me to think of it as a bad thing. I'm aesthetically "attracted" to almost every body type, clothing style, haircut, and sound of speech. I've found a way to enjoy how someone looks no matter what they look like, to be completely honest with you. And it does have something to do with how it makes me feel to be around them, because there are some strangers that I feel fuzzy when I talk & look at, and there are some that I feel absolutely nothing for. At work, customers come and go all day and I size every single one of them up based on how they look and speak to me (what else do I have to do?) and some of them I feel "attracted" to, as that, i enjoy looking at them and interacting with them based on what I could see the first few seconds of meeting. Some can be very obviously aesthetically attractive, and some are only so because they remind me of something I like. But the level of attraction is the same.

But on average I tend to feel most comfortable around people with a little bit of extra weight on them, but only after how they speak to me (which is the real deciding factor).

[Homer]

In the highly unlikely event of meeting someone weird enough to put up with my weirdness without totally weirding me out in return ( :D)... I'd still look for someone who I like the apprearance of. Personality is a far, far more important subject but If I'd ever throw myself into something like a relationship again, it might well be without compromises.

[dissolved]

I rarely find someone aesthetically attractive but if I do, it's bundled up with all the other attractions. It's not separate, nor can I really differentiate between that and romantic or whatever. I'm just... attracted to someone, and that's about as much thought as it needs.

[deltaX]

I'm aromantic and not really looking for a relationship, but in my experience aesthetic attraction isn't super important to me. It's kind of it's own separate thing, and as far as I can tell, it doesn't really influence my perception of the person too much.

[Jenna Nicole]

Aesthetic attraction means absolutely nothing to me. What the person is like on the inside is more important than how they look on the outside.

I'm biromantic asexual, so aesthetics do come into play.

I would totally date a person who wasn't totally aesthetically appealing but who had an amazing personality.

I wouldn't date a person who was aesthetically appealing but who had a horrible personality.

But if they're aesthetically appealing and have a wonderful personality, then great! :)

[Ricki]

I think initially then aesthetics can effect it, however as corny as it sounds then personality does tend to trump aesthetics. Though I guess even so I have strangely specific 'types' so I tend not to like anyone anyway :D

[WhenSummersGone]

I mostly like to date someone who looks ok/cute or even hot. Looks plays into romance for me but those guys with lots of muscle or even most models aren't my type.

[Medowsweet]

Wrong window

[Ricki]

I mostly like to date someone who looks ok/cute or even hot.

You should come to England! All the guys are hot. And by that, I mean they're melting from the sun the last 2 days xD

[thefreethinkingace]

I don't have to have aesthetic attraction/find them "cute" to form a bond with someone. I'm all about the insides (excuse the strange phrasing). My mother on the other hand is really into attractiveness. It's actually annoying just how obsessed/important it is to her. That's the first thing she judges a person by, which I think is wrong (but that may just be me). "But they're not even cute!" Gross, I can hear her saying it. And everyone has different tastes, so like...what's the deal?

That's just my two cents on the matter!