Jump to content

Going through trans phase


Emery.

Recommended Posts

Hey there

I was wondering... if anyone had a phase when they considered they might be trans and it went away? How did you end up then? Did that phase change something in your life, teach you something? What conclusions did you have?

I think that this is happening to me. I mean that... whatever that is, it doesn't go away. For sure, I'm far less worried about being a "proper female" (or a "proper male") and about what people think. I'm so completely not sorry about who I am. And I don't need to explain myself. That's what I learnt. I have no idea why that all is as it is. There are many possibilities, and maybe I'm just another random fluctuation on the matrix of humankind. In the end, I think I found my mold somewhere in the middle grounds, where I approximetely take on a stereotpically masculine role, I've got no idea what gender is apart from a lens through which others see me, judge me and impose expectations on me, and will be whoever I want to be - on my own terms, and I don't owe an explanation. If I want to - I can marry a woman, have kids with her, be the breadwinner, wear ties, fix leaking fawcetts, play football with kids, give a hard time to anyone who messes with my family, and go out drink beer with guy friends. And I can be a girl whenever I want and however I want - too. Be cutesy, sexy, pretty, sensual, feminine, wear dresses, make-up and the such, shave my body, like my boobs and do other girly things. Am I trans? No idea. I'd say yes. There is something, and it won't ever go away, because that's who I am. Judge that for yorself. I identify as trans, because that's a word to call it, and I identify as genderqueer and as a trans guy, and as many different other things. I'm the complicated one. So it didn't go away per say, it came true, not ending in transition in the medical or legal sense. Whatever that is. I would be considered cis because of that by many people.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien

Other people can't decide who you are. If they consider you cis, they simply don't understand.

Being trans isn't a phase.

It's like being left handed. You might not realize at first, you can try to use your right hand, you can think well maybe you're ambidextrous or there's something wrong with your right hand... But you will always have that left handed dominance. There ARE people who change their mind about transitioning or figure out they're closer to a different label. It doesn't change who they were - they just didn't know at the time.

Then there's genderfluid, which I understand to be exactly what it sounds like. (Though not literally... It has nothing to do with liquids.)

So really, I don't think gender can ever be described as a phase. It is complicated though. Can't say I understand the concept of gender much.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm feeling the same, Emery. Thanks for putting it into words.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I had a friend who thought he was trans for 2 years. I met him after this time period and the funny thing was even though he was living as a man, i kept using she/her pronouns for him. Before I knew he had been trans for 2 years. I had to force myself to stop, because every time I saw him I thought woman, just because of the way he acted.

He said he had a long week end with his step dad, who talked to him about accepting himself, and apparently he was just a really feminine guy. He was very happy when I saw him and he accepted trans people, just said that he wasn't one. And oh man could he rock a dress, :).

Link to post
Share on other sites

Emery there is only one thing i would like to say to you: Just be yourself and follow your dreams! Noone can define for you if you are trans or not, thats up to you alone so keep on trying, searching and asking and im sure your answer will be out there somewhere.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I was writing some completely rambly post in the beginning and then deleted like three quarters of it...

When I was writing this, I had in mind the information that 70% of adolecsents with gender dysphoria grow out of it without transitioning in a way that is somehow documented.

And I really started to solidly feel like a woman, which feels strange. But in a completely different way than I used to see myself as a woman. In a " I am a woman and don't owe an explanation. period ! Even when I use he pronouns" way. That was a very bizzare way to come to this identity, but here we go. Not that I suddenly started feeling spiritual kinship with other females or started being girly, in fact, completely the opposite, we just have a common interest and have some common traits, like giving birth instead of producing sperm or being read as female. And that's about it. Otherwise, well, I believe I will never stop feeling like a guy on a level of what I do and how I live and who I get on with. I dunno if I don't count as a masculine woman though, as gender nonconforming. Well. Nuff said. I'm just confused. What's going on in Aven is definitely different from my not-so-progressive reality where it's hard to even get birth control. I was completely baffled with how easily they put people on hormones for no reason in UK. Well, I might be soaked with the Catholic faith even when I'm an atheist myself, but that seems just crazy as Brave New World to me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I was writing some completely rambly post in the beginning and then deleted like three quarters of it...

When I was writing this, I had in mind the information that 70% of adolecsents with gender dysphoria grow out of it without transitioning in a way that is somehow documented.

I'd like to know your source for this.. It sounds very much like something that was cooked up years ago by as anti-trans rhetoric by a doctor here in the US.. In actuality, the desistance theory has been proven null and void with regard to children who are persistent and insistent on their gender identity.

While I am glad you have become comfortable with your own identity, your starting to throw around dangerous opinions on the ease of transitioning. In the UK, there are long waiting times to get treatment through NHS and a proscribed gate keeping process. In the US, there are some clinics that are informed consent, but most places still require letters to get hormones.

Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I didnt mean transitioning, just birth control. They were like, dont take painkillers even though they work and everything, take birth control. What da heck... Brave New World, that's my only explanation. I dont claim any knowledge on transitioning medically there.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Other people can't decide who you are. If they consider you cis, they simply don't understand.

Being trans isn't a phase.

It's like being left handed. You might not realize at first, you can try to use your right hand, you can think well maybe you're ambidextrous or there's something wrong with your right hand... But you will always have that left handed dominance. There ARE people who change their mind about transitioning or figure out they're closer to a different label. It doesn't change who they were - they just didn't know at the time.

Then there's genderfluid, which I understand to be exactly what it sounds like. (Though not literally... It has nothing to do with liquids.)

So really, I don't think gender can ever be described as a phase. It is complicated though. Can't say I understand the concept of gender much.

That's not what I had in mind.

I've been dwelling on this for years. I do understand gender through social issues and down to neuroscience. I understand many things most people don't understand. One thing I don't understand is how people think about gender and names they ascribe to different things.

I had a friend who thought he was trans for 2 years. I met him after this time period and the funny thing was even though he was living as a man, i kept using she/her pronouns for him. Before I knew he had been trans for 2 years. I had to force myself to stop, because every time I saw him I thought woman, just because of the way he acted.

He said he had a long week end with his step dad, who talked to him about accepting himself, and apparently he was just a really feminine guy. He was very happy when I saw him and he accepted trans people, just said that he wasn't one. And oh man could he rock a dress, :).

Could you explain?

Emery there is only one thing i would like to say to you: Just be yourself and follow your dreams! Noone can define for you if you are trans or not, thats up to you alone so keep on trying, searching and asking and im sure your answer will be out there somewhere.

I sometimes just strive to talk about my thoughts. I enjoy seeing things from different perspectives. I enjoy debating.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I had a friend who thought he was trans for 2 years. I met him after this time period and the funny thing was even though he was living as a man, i kept using she/her pronouns for him. Before I knew he had been trans for 2 years. I had to force myself to stop, because every time I saw him I thought woman, just because of the way he acted.

He said he had a long week end with his step dad, who talked to him about accepting himself, and apparently he was just a really feminine guy. He was very happy when I saw him and he accepted trans people, just said that he wasn't one. And oh man could he rock a dress, :).

Could you explain?

All he told me was that , he had lived life as a woman for two years, he was out to people around him. Different pronouns, everything. Then he had several conversations with his step dad, about who he was and how he felt, and he decided that he wasn't trans after all, that he was just a really feminine guy. When I knew him, he lived life as a man, he was AMAB.

He was very feminine, when I met him I talked about him as a woman, even though he dressed as a man. It was all in his actions and words. He was always happy when I saw him, he also never corrected me when I slipped up on his pronouns. For him, I think it was like a two year experiment in discovering who he is.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien

(Did you mean to quote me, Evren?)

Link to post
Share on other sites

(Did you mean to quote me, Evren?)

No srry, I couldn't get it to go away :(

Link to post
Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien

(Did you mean to quote me, Evren?)

No srry, I couldn't get it to go away :(

That's okay :) I just wasn't sure if you had quoted by accident or accidentally deleted the quote.

Link to post
Share on other sites

All he told me was that , he had lived life as a woman for two years, he was out to people around him. Different pronouns, everything. Then he had several conversations with his step dad, about who he was and how he felt, and he decided that he wasn't trans after all, that he was just a really feminine guy. When I knew him, he lived life as a man, he was AMAB.

He was very feminine, when I met him I talked about him as a woman, even though he dressed as a man. It was all in his actions and words. He was always happy when I saw him, he also never corrected me when I slipped up on his pronouns. For him, I think it was like a two year experiment in discovering who he is.

Aaah, okey, I was confused because I thought he was FAAB

Link to post
Share on other sites

All he told me was that , he had lived life as a woman for two years, he was out to people around him. Different pronouns, everything. Then he had several conversations with his step dad, about who he was and how he felt, and he decided that he wasn't trans after all, that he was just a really feminine guy. When I knew him, he lived life as a man, he was AMAB.

He was very feminine, when I met him I talked about him as a woman, even though he dressed as a man. It was all in his actions and words. He was always happy when I saw him, he also never corrected me when I slipped up on his pronouns. For him, I think it was like a two year experiment in discovering who he is.

Aaah, okey, I was confused because I thought he was FAAB

Link to post
Share on other sites

I wrote a super long response as I usually do, but I got off track... as I usually do... so I'll just say yeah, I've known people who had a "trans phase" or moreso a period of time where they questioned their gender, and I think that happens the more everyone becomes aware that trans people exist and aren't as uncommon as they were told. It's less that most of these phases consist of actually identifying as trans and more that people are pondering the possibility. Do I know anyone that went gung-ho into transition, changed their name and legal documents, threw a baby shower to come out, and then detransitioned soon after? Nope. If that happens, it's rare. Do I know people who tested the waters with new pronouns online, started dressing differently, and tried on a handful of labels before returning to the one they were designated at birth? Yeah. I can't say the thoughts and feelings that made them consider that they were trans went away entirely, but they stopped acting on those feelings as far as I know.

From what most of those people have said, they didn't really have any huge realizations or awakenings, but they learned to be more comfortable as they are after observing transgender and cisgender people alike breaking gender roles and such. That being said, I know of MORE trans people who also learned to be more comfortable as they are- aka trans just as they'd assumed. It's no biggie either way, you don't have to think you're a fake or anything like that.

I can't say whether you're one of the gender-nonconforming cis people or equally gender-nonconforming trans people, but I have known people in similar situations- psh, I am one of those people- and it's nothing you should feel weird about. Good luck, Emery, keep us updated as things (hopefully) become clearer for you!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey there

I was wondering... if anyone had a phase when they considered they might be trans and it went away? How did you end up then? Did that phase change something in your life, teach you something? What conclusions did you have?

I think that this is happening to me. I mean that... whatever that is, it doesn't go away. For sure, I'm far less worried about being a "proper female" (or a "proper male") and about what people think. I'm so completely not sorry about who I am. And I don't need to explain myself. That's what I learnt. I have no idea why that all is as it is. There are many possibilities, and maybe I'm just another random fluctuation on the matrix of humankind. In the end, I think I found my mold somewhere in the middle grounds, where I approximetely take on a stereotpically masculine role, I've got no idea what gender is apart from a lens through which others see me, judge me and impose expectations on me, and will be whoever I want to be - on my own terms, and I don't owe an explanation. If I want to - I can marry a woman, have kids with her, be the breadwinner, wear ties, fix leaking fawcetts, play football with kids, give a hard time to anyone who messes with my family, and go out drink beer with guy friends. And I can be a girl whenever I want and however I want - too. Be cutesy, sexy, pretty, sensual, feminine, wear dresses, make-up and the such, shave my body, like my boobs and do other girly things. Am I trans? No idea. I'd say yes. There is something, and it won't ever go away, because that's who I am. Judge that for yorself. I identify as trans, because that's a word to call it, and I identify as genderqueer and as a trans guy, and as many different other things. I'm the complicated one. So it didn't go away per say, it came true, not ending in transition in the medical or legal sense. Whatever that is. I would be considered cis because of that by many people.

Re. the bits I bolded. You can do all of those things and just be a girl or all of those things and just be a guy. If you were only ever determining transness as wanting to engage in gender non-conforming behaviour then I can see that it could be a phase while you unlearn societal conditional and realise that your genitals have fuck all to do with whether you prefer to wear a skirt or trousers.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, yeah, but you know, it can go very far and cause enormous damage to the psyche and quality of life, it can make you feel as if your skin is not yours if you are constantly put into a rigid box. And it has nothing to do with skirts and trousers but whatever is considered appropriate or inappropriate, or normal and abnormal.

Nevertheless, genitals have fuck to do with anything, including a self-concept.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Do I know people who tested the waters with new pronouns online, started dressing differently, and tried on a handful of labels before returning to the one they were designated at birth? Yeah. I can't say the thoughts and feelings that made them consider that they were trans went away entirely, but they stopped acting on those feelings as far as I know.

That's me :D But I don't particularily feel like I stopped acting on it

And thank you :)

(Sorry for multiple posting)

And... Yeah, for now I'm going with just "I'm a female - whatever!"

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...