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Randomchaos

Asexual Women

Recommended Posts

chandrakirti

Haha! @StormySky...aesthetically blind is a great description....it can be as bad as face blind in my case. I just started a new job and on the first morning I was going in by bus and got on the chat with a girl who got off at the same stop. I didn't mention where I was going and we went different directions . Later I went to the canteen for some lunch and evidently walked right past her! I'd been working in the same team all morning!:unsure:

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LVG

I told my friends this evening that I'm just not attracted to a lot of men. That's about as close as I'll get to telling them I'm ace.

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Autumn Season

My recent explanation was: I just think that relationships are very complicated ((for an ace)) and I don't really understand ((sexual)) people.

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Zoe42

I just kinda figured out I was asexual I think. Because as a teen I always assumed I was a late bloomer and would be interested in sex later on. But that never really happened. I do feel like because I was, and am still (just being honest), very insecure I wanted a relationship to validate me and make me feel wanted. I don't know if anyone else has felt like this but because we live in such an over sexualized culture I kinda am a little scared in a very very stupid way to "come out" because I feel like if I did I would have less value to people or they wouldn't want to be around me as much.  I know it's not true but I still don't really want to tell anybody. I also think in general it is nobody's business my sexuality is so I dont think I would every really "come out". 

      Another thing I am kinda going through is that I feel like I am really missing out on a big part of being a human and life in general for not really wanting a relationship. I know I don't want to be in a relationship but I still feel the pressure to be in one whether it's from society or just the fear of missing out. I would love to know if anyone else feels anything similar to this so I can feel less alone:)! 

Thanks

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Snao Cone

I relate to that a lot, @Zoe42, especially this part:

4 hours ago, Zoe42 said:

Because as a teen I always assumed I was a late bloomer and would be interested in sex later on. But that never really happened. I do feel like because I was, and am still (just being honest), very insecure I wanted a relationship to validate me and make me feel wanted

For me it was more about confidence in my own body rather than a matter of adolescent development, as I physically developed early and could mentally handle sexual topics. But as far as having sex, I wasn't very motivated to go far. I had so many excuses for that that I didn't consider I might be asexual until I was 30.

 

I've always known I wasn't into relationships, but I used to want to want more casual or informal sexual relationships. Maybe I was holding onto what I knew was less likely to happen as an excuse not to do anything about it.

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SaturnOOO
5 hours ago, Zoe42 said:

I do feel like because I was, and am still (just being honest), very insecure I wanted a relationship to validate me and make me feel wanted.

Oh definitely. Not now, I'm happy to say, but when I was a teen you betcha. So I was caught between this very typical need to be accepted and what I now understand was an atypical dislike of actually receiving the sexual attention I wanted so much. All I knew was if guys liked me it meant I was pretty/ popular enough, so that's what I wanted. Then when they expressed interest, I had no idea what to do with it. And generally became quite repulsed and even more uncomfortable in my own body. 

 

5 hours ago, Zoe42 said:

I also think in general it is nobody's business my sexuality is so I dont think I would every really "come out". 

ABSOLUTELY 

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Setsu_mei
1 hour ago, SaturnOOO said:

 And generally became quite repulsed and even more uncomfortable in my own body. 

THIS! Oh my god, THIS!!

The moment someone turns a conversation in a sexual way I feel so uncomfortable. And if I am the subject of that said conversation, all I wanna do is just disappear or just hit the other people until they disappear. Because it doesn't matter how many times I try to avoid this topic or ask the other person/people to drop it, they won't. And if they cannot even do such a simple thing as not talking about it, how will they grasp that I'm ace? Or that asexuality is a thing.

 

Concerning the pressure to have relationships which were discussed above I have a story I'd like to tell. If it is found out that two people in a relationship are not doing it, the relationship itself will be questioned. We have family friends where the woman and the man married, but later on turned out that they are not having sex because the woman did not want to (why would she, the first time they did it she got pregnant with twins...). Guess who was blamed for ruining the relationship? Yupp, the woman who did not want to have sex (at all or that often I don't know), and not the man for wanting to have it (from my point of view, that's ruining the relationship, duhh). And instead of trying to sort it out among themselves, it was shared with us- And this was the topic of some gatherings when the those people were not around.

And they seriously thought and still think something is wrong with her. And, people, that is the reason I'll probably never come out to my family and our family friends. Because I wouldn't be able to put with their bs trying to convince and force me into it. Or just trying to persuade me to try it. 

 

Anyways, what is your opinion about your parent's relationship and its possible influence on your repulsion to sex? Did it influence you in any way?

I'm asking because I'm sure mine did have. My family wasn't always, well, calm. My dad cheated on my mom because of sex (tbh I didn't even want to know this... pfff), and he was not really a good father figure (whatever I did was always inferior to basically ANYONE, he though I was fat [well, I wasn't slim but thinking back I wasn't fat either], he was nice to other kids but not me, etc.). I suppose I cannot deal with guys and their approaches (even in a non-sexual way), because he was an ass. We never really had a close relationship, though he is kinda okay now. He always deemed sex important, still does. Only good thing is he does not force this topic with me, because that would be the point where I would dig a hole and bury myself in it. But I do think that his way of treating our family is the reason I never want to be in one, even if I was not ace.

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SaturnOOO

I don't mind talking about sex at all actually... Even my own sexual experiences I don't mind sharing. I just don't like being on the receiving end of sexual or romantic intentions. To this day that makes me really uncomfortable and makes all my confidence fly out the window. Luckily it hasn't been happening often lately. 

 

I don't really think my family dynamic influenced my orientation. My parents were always very encouraging of my independent nature, so for a long time I didn't even grasp how different I was from my peers. I always liked to do things my way and my parents to treated that as normal, so I was never raised with the idea that there was anything wrong with not being into dating. I generally just chalked it up to being the bookish type who wasn't very into boys.

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:)(:

I wish I could be you and just chill with that. My friends were talking and they said something about being pregnant. And cuz people usually don’t get pregnant without sex. I kinda flipped and was really uncomfortable-mad for a full 15 min after.

 

On the other hand sex is fascinating to me (without me in the picture) Ithink it’s the trust/love/bond/togetherness thing that I think is really cool.

 

I hope to have that without all the sex...

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LVG

I still can't decide whether I'm 100% ace or if my aversion to doing the deed out of fear of pain keeps me from having sex. Sometimes I just feel like a headcase.  

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:)(:
7 minutes ago, LVG said:

I still can't decide whether I'm 100% ace or if my aversion to doing the deed out of fear of pain keeps me from having sex. Sometimes I just feel like a headcase.  

I looked up asexual on wiki and part of the definition is...( its long but helpful)

 

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) defines an asexual as "someone who does not experience sexual attraction" and stated, "[a]nother small minority will think of themselves as asexual for a brief period of time while exploring and questioning their own sexuality" and that "[t]here is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity – at its core, it's just a word that people use to help figure themselves out.

 

If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so."

 

          This def helps me plus even if you suddenly decide not to be asexual  their is no asexual police that will arrest you. 

 

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SaturnOOO

Damn, I really wish I had gone into police work just so I could say it's me. I'm the asexual police. 

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borkfork

I was sort of confused after my recent experience with my ex, but in the end sex still isn't a motivator for me. I've always craved romantic companionship, but in my head it was more "wholesome" than what most people want. Seeing someone who isn't pushing sex after a few months is nice and relaxing in a way. 

 

I really felt pressured in college to get involved with meaningless sex, but I knew it wasn't for me. Art students pride themselves on being libertines like those at the nearby normal university weren't doing the same thing.:rolleyes: I had to play pretend and it had negative impact on me and my friendships. I didn't really feel free to be myself until I let go of the toxic relationship I had with my best friend who was super sexual and just could not shut up about it. I'm in the kink community, which I had to keep from her nosey ass, and I think she talked about sex too much. 

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SaturnOOO
On 2017-12-03 at 8:31 PM, :)(: said:

I wish I had an asexual sense you know and you could just tell.

Like l-ace-r vision? :blush:

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:)(:
1 minute ago, SaturnOOO said:

Like l-ace-r vision? :blush:

Or use aseXual-ray vision 

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SaturnOOO

Maybe just asex-ray vision. "I can see you... With all your clothes on." 

 

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:)(:
45 minutes ago, SaturnOOO said:

Maybe just asex-ray vision. "I can see you... With all your clothes on." 

Think of all the endless possibilities!

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LVG
7 hours ago, borkfork said:

I was sort of confused after my recent experience with my ex, but in the end sex still isn't a motivator for me. I've always craved romantic companionship, but in my head it was more "wholesome" than what most people want. Seeing someone who isn't pushing sex after a few months is nice and relaxing in a way. 

I feel exactly the same. I'd like to be in a relationship again, but chances are it'll never happen given my circumstances.  I honestly get really depressed if I think about for too long. 

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Autumn Season
8 hours ago, SaturnOOO said:

Damn, I really wish I had gone into police work just so I could say it's me. I'm the asexual police. 

:D:D

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Lostandalone

Okay, so, this is probably too much information, but I literally have no one else to validate this. 

I'm 21 and had my first pap yesterday and it was extremely uncomfortable. I'm a virgin as well, so I've never really had anything inside me, besides the occasional tampon. Now, about 24 hours after, I still feel way weird and uncomfortable about the idea of anything being in me. Is this just a normal thing amongst all women (sexuals and asexuals), or is it just an asexual thing?

I can't decide if I'm dwelling on it too much because I'm asexual, or if it's normal to be concerned about it like this for anyone.

 

I'm open to anything!

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borkfork

@Lostandalone Welcome! First of all, I want to give you a cookie for being proactive about your health! (and not making false assumptions, but I digress)

 

It's normal for a pap to be uncomfortable and you may even feel a little weird hours later. That's OK. Just don't fixate on it. It's normal medical exam, not anything sexual. You did what you needed to do to and got it over with. You probably won't have to do it again for another few years. 

 

It's a regular part of taking care of yourself and that's the important part. 

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Autumn Season

I don't know how common this is, but I also feel extremely uncomfortable with anything in that part of me. It feels so wrong.

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Galactic Turtle
On 12/10/2017 at 3:37 PM, LVG said:

I still can't decide whether I'm 100% ace or if my aversion to doing the deed out of fear of pain keeps me from having sex. Sometimes I just feel like a headcase.  

True. Kinda maybe similar to me I'm not sure if I'm ace because I've never actually been interested in anyone. But at the same time I'm not interested in looking for anyone to be interested in. But like if I was would I want to have sex with them? No idea. I feel like romantic ace people might better know those answers but as an (I'm pretty sure) aro-ace person, I'm just like "I don't get what any of this is and the thought of involving myself seems massively unappealing." 

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Snao Cone
1 hour ago, Lostandalone said:

Okay, so, this is probably too much information, but I literally have no one else to validate this. 

I'm 21 and had my first pap yesterday and it was extremely uncomfortable. I'm a virgin as well, so I've never really had anything inside me, besides the occasional tampon. Now, about 24 hours after, I still feel way weird and uncomfortable about the idea of anything being in me. Is this just a normal thing amongst all women (sexuals and asexuals), or is it just an asexual thing?

I can't decide if I'm dwelling on it too much because I'm asexual, or if it's normal to be concerned about it like this for anyone.

 

I'm open to anything!

Hi and welcome! :cake: I hear you on the discomfort of the pap. I had one a couple weeks ago. I knew what was coming, as I've had a few before, and still...ugh. Sex has been uncomfortable for me, but not as much as having a speculum in there. <_< Pretty much all of my friends who have had these have been very uncomfortable. It ranges from "the worst thing ever" to "I just want to get it over with". It's definitely not just you or just an asexual thing. :) 

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Shadow007

I agree with @Snao Cone, @Lostandalone. It seems to be something uncomfortable for everyone, and those speculum things are the worst in my opinion. So, you're definitely not alone with this one...

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SaturnOOO

Sorry @Lostandalone... No fun! I remember after the first time I had sex feeling really "weird and uncomfortable" even the next day... It is really uncomfortable having your vagina stretched in that way! In Canada we don't do paps/ routine speculum exams on people who have never had intercourse. 

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borkfork
11 hours ago, Autumn Season said:

I don't know how common this is, but I also feel extremely uncomfortable with anything in that part of me. It feels so wrong.

Speculums and tampons are uncomfortable, but they're foreign objects. Not really natural or mimicking something natural that's designed to go there. I've referred to tampons as corks several times. 

 

edit: it would also be weird and creepy and assault if a doctor did prep you for insertion the old-fashioned way.

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:)(:
36 minutes ago, SaturnOOO said:

In Canada we don't do paps/ routine speculum exams on people who have never had intercourse. 

Need to move to Canada when older...

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borkfork
3 hours ago, :)(: said:

Need to move to Canada when older...

Sounds like a cost cutting measure to me. STIs aren't the sole cause of cancer and other problems with reproductive organs. Getting a well woman exam is just part of being an adult and taking care of yourself. 

 

(Getting those with vaginas to get exams has been discussed at asexual summit type meetings, but I've yet to see any effort getting information out.)

 

There's plenty of great reasons to move to Canada, like hockey and a lower drinking age.

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LVG

And no Donald Trump.

 

As for pelvic exams, I hate them with a passion. They're always painful, but I get them done because of health. I can deal with a few minutes of discomfort if it means potentially saving myself from getting caner. 

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