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On 08/02/2017 at 6:41 PM, Rhyme said:

...and he asked if I had high standards. 

People have told me to 'lower my standards if I want to get a boyfriend' :lol:

 

If I even have any standards they are set at a normal level or fairly low, but hey :P not everyone has the same priorities ;)

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I hate being told you need to put yourself out there.  Right, because it hasn't worked for the last large chunk of years, but it will now? 

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3 hours ago, SpaceDustbin said:

People have told me to 'lower my standards if I want to get a boyfriend' :lol:

 

If I even have any standards they are set at a normal level or fairly low, but hey :P not everyone has the same priorities ;)

 

I've never understood why people like to say that single people are too picky. Let's say that I have only one "demand": I want the guy to be childfree. That makes me incompatible with... what? 95% of men, maybe? Probably more (at least where I live). Wanting someone who doesn't have/want kids doesn't make my standards "too high", but it definitely makes it harder to find a partner. So, people usually start telling me that I don't have the right to want the things that I want (especially if it's different from what they want), or something like that. I think they're just scared to admit that finding (and keeping) a good, compatible partner is something that's almost completely out of everyone's control (most of the time, at least).

 

When I used to identify as asexual, I hated it when people implied that I could just choose to stop being single. They didn't know I was ace (as I thought), and I couldn't tell them, so I just wanted to snap at them and ask why they think that dating is as easy for me as it is for them. I stopped considering myself asexual not so long ago, but it still annoys the crap out of me. There are a few important things that makes me different from "normal" people, which makes dating much harder. But they just don't get it. That's why I don't bother talking to straight people about sex and relationships anymore. <_<

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@Randomchaos in response to your " If someone has a better topic title please let me know :D " what about AsexuGALS? idk sounds kinda stupid and corny but I'm a sucker for puns

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Any sort of pregnancy related questions. 

1.Got shingles when I was 17 and my male nurse insisted I had an STD. When I said no, he said "Are you sure? Because people start having sex around your age." I was irritated that he didn't believe me, because I hadn't even kissed anyone yet. He was implying I was sleeping around, when in reality I was so stressed from studying that my immune system was compromised.

 

2.Whenever I go to the doctors and they ask if you're pregnant and they ask again "Are you sure?" I just wanna be like "YES, I'M SURE, I'M A VIRGIN! And don't intend on that changing."

 

3.This week on my first day of work, my coworker asked if I was pregnant because we were going to use a machine that released toxic fumes. When I said no, he launched into this whole diatribe about how toxic fumes are bad for pregnant women and fetuses. I stopped him in the middle saying "anywayssss...." because I was uncomfortable having only known him for a couple hours but he kept talking! The whole time, I was thinking, if only he knew how irrelevant this information is to me.

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On 2/15/2017 at 6:17 PM, Visenya said:

 When I used to identify as asexual, I hated it when people implied that I could just choose to stop being single. They didn't know I was ace (as I thought), and I couldn't tell them, so I just wanted to snap at them and ask why they think that dating is as easy for me as it is for them. I stopped considering myself asexual not so long ago, but it still annoys the crap out of me. 

 

I hate it how it's implied that anyone can just to stop being single. I've heard people say "I think I want a boyfriend/girlfriend now." (these aren't the kind of people who know something like agender exists) Or being asked "Why are you still single?" Because I'm not a banana. They make it sound like it's as easy as going down an aisle in the grocery store and picking someone out. 

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3 minutes ago, borkfork said:

 

I hate it how it's implied that anyone can just to stop being single. I've heard people say "I think I want a boyfriend/girlfriend now." (these aren't the kind of people who know something like agender exists) Or being asked "Why are you still single?" Because I'm not a banana. They make it sound like it's as easy as going down an aisle in the grocery store and picking someone out. 

 

Hahahahaha... Exactly! :lol:

 

"Why are you still single?", "why don't you get a job?", "why don't you buy a car?", "why are you still living with your parents instead of getting your own place?", "why don't you travel to other countries?", "why don't you just relax instead of being anxious all the time?"... These are the kind of questions that make me wonder how much easier other people's lives must be, compared to mine. :huh: At least that's the impression they give. I mean, if I'm not doing something I really want (like moving to Germany), it's because I *can't*. That's how life works, but some people talk as if everything is so easy, and you're just choosing to sabotage yourself, or something.

 

Dealing with people like that is not frustrating at all. [/sarcasm] <_<

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42 minutes ago, borkfork said:

I've heard people say "I think I want a boyfriend/girlfriend now."

I've known people who have said stuff like this and then actually gone out and done it like they were shopping for a car. Like, just go on some dates. Eventually you'll find someone who's cute and who gets along with you. Maybe the only reason I question whether I'm aro is because I'm significantly harder to get along with than most people? :lol:

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13 minutes ago, SaturnOOO said:

I've known people who have said stuff like this and then actually gone out and done it like they were shopping for a car. Like, just go on some dates. Eventually you'll find someone who's cute and who gets along with you. Maybe the only reason I question whether I'm aro is because I'm significantly harder to get along with than most people? :lol:

People who find partners like they're shopping for a car must be very happy with factory default settings then. :P I mean, I guess if somebody falls so squarely in the common territory for suitable partners, they can get along with a good chunk of the population. I just think that would be boring.

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11 minutes ago, SaturnOOO said:

I've known people who have said stuff like this and then actually gone out and done it like they were shopping for a car. Like, just go on some dates. Eventually you'll find someone who's cute and who gets along with you. Maybe the only reason I question whether I'm aro is because I'm significantly harder to get along with than most people? :lol:

I know a few people who do that. They're so codependent that they don't care if they're really compatible so long as they have someone. Most sexual people I know are at least sort of like me. They might go through long periods of time of being single. I don't know everyone's individual reasons, but I know some that date and date and it just takes years to find a keeper. 

 

I don't know how average it is to go for years and not feel romantic towards anyone. The fact I refuse to play those games like "wait 3 days to text" probably doesn't do me any favors. I'm too old for that shit. 

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1 minute ago, Snow Cone said:

People who find partners like they're shopping for a car must be very happy with factory default settings then. :P I mean, I guess if somebody falls so squarely in the common territory for suitable partners, they can get along with a good chunk of the population. I just think that would be boring.

I have a friend who decided 2015 was the year she was going to get a nice boyfriend (she usually dated assholes) and settle down. That was her New Years resolution! She was successful at it too. I can't help but think this kind of thing has to be a factory default type situation too, but then again I don't want to imply that their relationship isn't deep and meaningful and what have you. He's sweet and they seem to be really happy together; I just...don't get it.

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That reminds me of someone I knew who was in therapy and having panic attacks because she was almost 30 and not married. Would it really have been that bad to get married at 31 or 33? I know it had to do with how she was raised, but one would think by late 20s she'd be capable of independent thought.

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It's the kind of thing that is planted so deeply in how you're raised that rational thought can't uproot it, I think.

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It was when I turned 30 that I actually got sensitized to the amount of pressure some women do still feel to pair off and settle down. I definitely had a few friends who went through that (OK, not necessarily to the point of therapy.) I sort of always scoffed at it, but one of my friends was telling me about how she dreaded being talked about within her extended family the way everyone talked about her older single cousin. I agree with the above-- seems like for some people it's already pretty entrenched by the time they're actually able to have independent thought.

Edited by SaturnOOO
Autocorrect
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It's one of those things I just don't get, probably because that's not how I was raised. I was the great hope because my brother is as dumb as a box of hair. :lol: But we both had to learn to take care of ourselves. Me being a wife and mommy never came up. It was school, school, work, school.

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My sister was somewhat the same way, only, she was more obsessed about her "biological clock" running down than actually getting married. I thought it very weird.

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Scintillatriste

AFAB agender asexual. I'm sure this has been said before in this thread, but here I go. It is so difficult and so isolating when friends talk about other people being sexy, or about sexual experiences they have, or their sex drive, or sex preferences, or kinks, or how often they masturbate. My friends seem to all have very high sex drives, and it seems to be almost all of what they talk and think about. And worst of all is that I think they see me as a prude, or as sexually repressed, or shy or immature or naive or childish because I just can't engage in that kind of talk the way they do, despite being in the closet and trying to sort of pass as a sexual female--as the socially accepted idea of what a female should be. I mean, they know I'm different, everybody does. Even though I'm not out, I stick out like a sore thumb in their world. My looks are boyish, my discomfort palpable; my appearance free of all the frills eagerly adopted by those who want to be seen in a sexual way. I've just never been able to fit in since we all hit puberty and I became a stranger in my own skin. There was never even a sub culture for me: not gay, not straight, not man nor woman, neither celibate nor promiscuous, not religious nor rebellious. I didn't even know asexuality or agender were options when I was growing up, I just thought I was broken. And it's been hard as hell to shake that feeling.

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butterflydreams
22 hours ago, Snow Cone said:

People who find partners like they're shopping for a car must be very happy with factory default settings then.

hahahaha :lol: can confirm. I know a few people in my life like this. I guess I've got like a stage-2 tune. Most stuff is not stock. ;)

 

21 hours ago, fuzzipueo said:

My sister was somewhat the same way, only, she was more obsessed about her "biological clock" running down than actually getting married. I thought it very weird.

I understand it, but it always makes me so nervous to hear people talking about this. Like, isn't that going to be the cause of some poor decisions? Rushing that kind of thing never seems like a good idea.

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3 hours ago, Hadley167 said:
On 2/18/2017 at 8:03 PM, fuzzipueo said:

My sister was somewhat the same way, only, she was more obsessed about her "biological clock" running down than actually getting married. I thought it very weird.

I understand it, but it always makes me so nervous to hear people talking about this. Like, isn't that going to be the cause of some poor decisions? Rushing that kind of thing never seems like a good idea.

Yeppers. My sister married a guy who, though not a bad guy, really is not a good match for her in all the ways that matter and she knows and admits it too, but feels that staying with him is her best option right at the moment. Maybe when the kiddo is 18 that will change. I don't know.

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SithAzathoth WinterDragon

I'm happy for who I am as a woman, never been sexual I'm in my late 20s and plan on never becoming sexual. I'm tired of people saying "You're just not ready yet, you'll want kids" I'm to the point I want to say "what makes you think that, why don't you go hug a cactus and see how you like it" I'll never want to change who I am just because others assume I "will change my mind." Honestly if I wanted to try sex I probably would have back in high school and I've been out for a long time. Others would say" why are you not dating yet, you'll want to at some point. Look at all your friends!" This is why some friends wonder why I'm extremely introvert and stay to myself. I rarely talk to anyone I do not know when out and about. All my close friend are in fact women and I ask them questions if I need advise sometimes. 

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10 hours ago, Shieldmaiden WinterDragon said:

hug a cactus

This is a polite version of what I usually hear :D

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butterflydreams
8 hours ago, Snow Cone said:

This is a polite version of what I usually hear :D

I dunno, I had a pet cactus when I was little. I named it "Joe" and i loved having it on my desk. Then one day I noticed it was shriveling up. Joe didn't make it. I actually cried. Cacti can be pretty lovable.

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11 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

I dunno, I had a pet cactus when I was little. I named it "Joe" and i loved having it on my desk. Then one day I noticed it was shriveling up. Joe didn't make it. I actually cried. Cacti can be pretty lovable.

Poor Joe :( Cacti are lovable. They're cute, like tiny little spiky humans who don't talk or move. I'd much rather have a cactus than a baby.

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Yesss ace women! Has anyone else tried online dating and been super frustrated by it? I hate to bring romance into the equation since I realize some people in the community are aromantic, but for those of us who are romantically inclined, how has your experience been on online dating sites if you've tried it, and if you haven't, why haven't you?

For me, I've had to weed through so many guys who wanted to meet just for hookups (even though I express that I'm not interested in my bios). And even the ones that made it to second or third dates ended up not working out because of my demisexuality. it's frustrating and very disheartening. And, as a demisexual, I also get guys who are kind of willing to work with me because I'll "have sex eventually", but that just makes me feel more uncomfortable with them...idk if I'm making sense haha. I am very curious about y'alls experience and input on this. 

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10 minutes ago, absolutelyme said:

Yesss ace women! Has anyone else tried online dating and been super frustrated by it? I hate to bring romance into the equation since I realize some people in the community are aromantic, but for those of us who are romantically inclined, how has your experience been on online dating sites if you've tried it, and if you haven't, why haven't you?

For me, I've had to weed through so many guys who wanted to meet just for hookups (even though I express that I'm not interested in my bios). And even the ones that made it to second or third dates ended up not working out because of my demisexuality. it's frustrating and very disheartening. And, as a demisexual, I also get guys who are kind of willing to work with me because I'll "have sex eventually", but that just makes me feel more uncomfortable with them...idk if I'm making sense haha. I am very curious about y'alls experience and input on this. 

@absolutelyme I had a lot of luck by specifying in my bio that I wasn't interested in hook-ups. I met people through Tinder as friends first, and I enjoyed an app called The Test which is less physical-based--you answer questions and try to guess what the other person put. I was very strict with my messaging criteria, and so I luckily only met decent guys. I'm still friends with them all too :)

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Just now, PeridotStar said:

@absolutelyme I had a lot of luck by specifying in my bio that I wasn't interested in hook-ups. I met people through Tinder as friends first, and I enjoyed an app called The Test which is less physical-based--you answer questions and try to guess what the other person put. I was very strict with my messaging criteria, and so I luckily only met decent guys. I'm still friends with them all too :)

I've had the opposite effect even though I specified I'm not dtf or looking for hookups. :/ a lot of people came in my messages trying to convince me otherwise which was rude haha. But I'm glad it worked out for you!

 

that site sounds cool! Thank you for the tip ^^

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On December 29, 2016 at 9:26 PM, Spiritus55 said:

 I always felt weird when I did have sex. There was none of that magical emotional connection that I was told is the norm. It felt to me like I was just using someone's body to mastubate with.

I grok this so hard. I've been trying to explain to my S/O about why sex just doesn't do it for me and you put it perfectly right here. Though, when I tell him this, he'll probably say he doesn't mind. Well, I mind, it's weird!

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One thing that I got a lot more in high school, but that I really hated, was the line "you're such a tease". It's like they were using the fact that I like to be personable and outgoing as a way to shame me for not trying to 'preform' for them..

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