Asexual Women Musings

[Hermit Advocate]

@drjohnhwatson Apparently there is a French study that not wearing a bra actually help your breasts retain their elasticity. I haven't read it though so I may be wrong. 

[drjohnhwatson]

11 minutes ago, Hey you in the corner said:

@drjohnhwatson Apparently there is a French study that not wearing a bra actually help your breasts retain their elasticity. I haven't read it though so I may be wrong. 

I read about that as well.  I told my mom and she said it was patent poppycock, but in a little more colourful terminology.  I'd LIKE it to be true as that means I'm doing as I should .

[Hermit Advocate]

By the way @drjohnhwatson, is your profile picture a picture of Hugh Laurie?

[drjohnhwatson]

9 minutes ago, Hey you in the corner said:

By the way @drjohnhwatson, is your profile picture a picture of Hugh Laurie?

YES, haha.  It's a screencap I nabbed from one of the Jeeves and Wooster episodes when he's dealing with An Aunt (I love the stories and I like people to imagine that his facial expression is mine whenever I pen a post ).

[Hermit Advocate]

It's a great expression.

[butterflydreams]

42 minutes ago, drjohnhwatson said:

SAME.  My mom chastises me about it "your breasts are gonna sag!"  I don't even care at this point they're just sacks of fat, haha.  It's SO comfortable and so freeing to be in a comfy shirt and pyjamas.

It feels good the minute I take things off and get into more comfy stuff, but I'm still...kind of growing, so any movement results in soreness if things aren't held in place.

 

Incidentally, since we're talking about clothes and stuff, I'm wondering if there are any options for bottoms this summer, knowing that I'm not really a fan of shorts. I'll typically wear skirts when it's hot, but sometimes that's not practical. I have these yoga pants capris, but it's awfully nerve wracking to wear them because of the tightness, and my...*sigh* defect. Does anybody here have any suggestions for other clothes, or how to make the capris work? I mean, I like them otherwise.

[Hermit Advocate]

You could try wearing basketball shorts? I'll have to think on this. 

[borkfork]

1 hour ago, Hadley167 said:

It feels good the minute I take things off and get into more comfy stuff, but I'm still...kind of growing, so any movement results in soreness if things aren't held in place.

 

Incidentally, since we're talking about clothes and stuff, I'm wondering if there are any options for bottoms this summer, knowing that I'm not really a fan of shorts. I'll typically wear skirts when it's hot, but sometimes that's not practical. I have these yoga pants capris, but it's awfully nerve wracking to wear them because of the tightness, and my...*sigh* defect. Does anybody here have any suggestions for other clothes, or how to make the capris work? I mean, I like them otherwise.

I know linen is popular because it breathes. Almost everything these days is made from sweat inducing synthetic so look for natural fibers like cotton and linen. Linen pants are rarely clingy. 

[Snao Cone]

Regarding low cut tops, I think my boobs are higher up my chest than average, as I find many shirts cut too low. Camisoles are my saviour for this, and many other things. I wear a camisole or tank top under almost every outfit.

[Autumn Season]

3 hours ago, Hey you in the corner said:

I've stopped wearing a bra when I'm at home, it's much more comfortable to go without one. 

 

Cannot agree. The weight hurts. And my bras are actually comfortable. Wireless rules!

[Hermit Advocate]

Just now, Autumn Season said:

 

Cannot agree. The weight hurts. And my bras are actually comfortable. Wireless rules!

Ah well, I'm fairly small so I don't have that issue. All of my friends are much larger than me and they always tell me how jealous they are. 

[UnicornQueen]

I feel like I'm in the minority but I do like wearing a bra, it makes my breasts look better and I feel more secure. I was quite shocked when my friends told me they often take off bras after coming home. Then I realised many women do that and I have completely no idea why.

[Snao Cone]

When I had to take regular baths to soothe my knee, I sometimes wore a bra in the bath. I didn't sink down into it (as then my knee wouldn't be under water), so it didn't get wet. I just didn't like the feeling of skin touching skin when it wasn't necessary.

[borkfork]

1 hour ago, UnicornQueen said:

I feel like I'm in the minority but I do like wearing a bra, it makes my breasts look better and I feel more secure. I was quite shocked when my friends told me they often take off bras after coming home. Then I realised many women do that and I have completely no idea why.

I take my bra off when it's time to change into my pajamas. Maybe a little earlier, but it's not on my list of priorities when I get home.

 

I change into "house pants" when I get home though, either track pants or pajama pants. People call me to go out and I'm like "hold on, I gotta put on some real pants."

[drjohnhwatson]

2 hours ago, Autumn Season said:

 

Cannot agree. The weight hurts. And my bras are actually comfortable. Wireless rules!

Ohhh.  See, I didn't used to mind wearing bras whenever mine could be wireless.  Now the wireframe digs and is a constant reminder, yanno?  I even used to wear sports bras and would sometimes have to feel the strap to go "wait, did I remember to put on a bra?!" because they were so comfortable.  .

[butterflydreams]

5 hours ago, Snow Cone said:

Camisoles are my saviour for this, and many other things. I wear a camisole or tank top under almost every outfit.

Well, and they just look awesome, are comfortable, and are super versatile for putting an outfit/look together  Mmmm, I need to get more this summer...

[Hermit Advocate]

4 hours ago, borkfork said:

I change into "house pants" when I get home though, either track pants or pajama pants. People call me to go out and I'm like "hold on, I gotta put on some real pants."

I do the same thing.

[Snao Cone]

2 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

Well, and they just look awesome, are comfortable, and are super versatile for putting an outfit/look together  Mmmm, I need to get more this summer...

They are the best. I've been wearing them regularly for about 6 years now. Same with wearing tights under pants most of the time. I just feel so snug and secure!

 

 

Regarding underwires: I've found three bras that are comfortable despite having underwires. They help keep my boobs in place, so I like them for that reason. I also need a thick cup because my boobs can be very sensitive, so I want them thoroughly protected.

[nanogretchen4]

I often take my bra off when I'm home alone as long as I'm wearing a comfortable T-shirt with no scratchy writing or pictures. I wear a fitted T-shirt under white shirts because otherwise they are see through, and under button down shirts of any color in case they gap open at the bustline when I move my arms.

[Snao Cone]

My solution to white shirts is to not wear them. I do have a couple of them, and I wear camisoles underneath, but I don't wear them often. I spill too much.

[Cimmerian]

I love white shirts although I don't have a lot of them. Part of me just wants to find a comfy sports bra, regardless of how thin it is, and a white shirt and tell anyone who looks at me funny to shut up and deal with it and that if they don't want to have to see nipples they should have women's shirts made as thickly as men's.

---

I've never had much of a problem with underwire beyond the oddity bra that has wire issues at the top edges near the armpit (in which case, Ouch!). I like the thinness of sports bras though, there's something nice about the flat cloth ones that you don't have to clip (although they're a pain to take on and off sometimes). However the thinness is also exactly why I can't wear them for anything beyond lazing around or working out. xP

----

@Hadley167, you might try looking through work out sections for some summer pants or capris. I have a pair from that area that's just slightly loose/baggy near the top and thigh area and tightens to an elastic capri at the calf or knee level. It avoids clinging in uncomfortable locations and is great for when you might get too hot and is dark enough to go with just about whatever top you need. Otherwise you can occasionally find thin sweatpants with the bottom elastic that are breathable enough for lower summer temperatures (some of the 80s). I'll try to remember to post if I see anything else that I think will be helpful. Summer clothing is just difficult. >.>

[borkfork]

4 hours ago, Snow Cone said:

My solution to white shirts is to not wear them. I do have a couple of them, and I wear camisoles underneath, but I don't wear them often. I spill too much.

I think I have one white shirt and my parents bought it in Panama. I stopped wearing white after my first year of college. Though I was actually pretty good about paint and glue and all of that. It was my roommate who used to make vodka and cranberry juice. 

[PHOENIX97]

My mother keeps talking about how I'm going to bring a guy home and get married and blah blah blah. I told her I was asexual twice and that I don't want to be married. Marriage and sex is not something I see for myself. The fact that she keeps bringing it up is irritating. If the guy was asexual and shared my point of view then fine I would consider marriage. I'm tired of having this conversation with her

[butterflydreams]

7 hours ago, Cimmerian said:

Summer clothing is just difficult. >.>

Hehehe, glad I'm not the only one who thinks so

 

I actually did some adult dodgeball this winter. I did the capris and a t-shirt for that. I was super concerned about the capris, but actually, it turned out fine. So maybe if I'm being active no one will care. Also, it's not my responsibility to make sure people aren't scrutinizing my body. If you're looking that closely and you see something you don't want to see, that's your fault, not mine.

 

3 hours ago, Evo41 said:

I'm tired of having this conversation with her

Well, you don't have to. Just do your thing She'll catch on sooner or later. If she brings it up on her own, you can also mess with her. I did that with my mom a lot. If she says you're going to bring a guy home, you could say, "well, I actually kind of have a thing for my friend Sarah." Doesn't have to be that exactly, but if you can think of something that would throw her off, she might be more wary of pushing you in the future. Sometimes giving people more information than they want is the best way to get them to stop pestering you.

[Snao Cone]

1 hour ago, Hadley167 said:

Also, it's not my responsibility to make sure people aren't scrutinizing my body. If you're looking that closely and you see something you don't want to see, that's your fault, not mine.

I try to convince myself of this logical point whenever I get insecure. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I find that over the past 4-5 years or so I've become much more relaxed with my body, in that if people think anything about it is offensive they're obsessing over something that doesn't concern them. This is part of why my 30s has been an overall happier period of my life so far. Maturity rules.

[butterflydreams]

20 hours ago, Snow Cone said:

I try to convince myself of this logical point whenever I get insecure. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I find that over the past 4-5 years or so I've become much more relaxed with my body, in that if people think anything about it is offensive they're obsessing over something that doesn't concern them. This is part of why my 30s has been an overall happier period of my life so far. Maturity rules.

Yeah, I try to tell myself this too, but it rarely works. Maybe because I'm already distressed by it myself. Plus, I dunno. I feel like on me, if someone sees something they're not expecting, it could get ugly. And despite outward appearances, I'm a pretty weak and fragile person.

[kanchipuramsaree]

I'm really lucky that the majority of my friends and family and coworkers have not asked or pried or suggested or (outwardly) judged me on the sex/dating front, but I'm also aware that this can change at any moment. The next person I meet might aggressively believe everyone needs to be paired up. People I already know might bring up something that's been silently on their mind.

http://kanjeevaramsilks.in

[Snao Cone]

Same, @kanchipuramsaree. It is especially risky at work where I can't so simply choose not to interact with someone like that. Luckily I work with someone else who doesn't have a coupled lifestyle - she's in her 50s and lives with her mother and her nephew, in an alternative family arrangement that works for her. She only ever talks about marrying for money, jokingly. I'm really glad I'm not the only person who doesn't fit the relationship paradigm here.

[butterflydreams]

I was showing my coworker my new car last week, and I happen to have an asexual flag vinyl on one of the back windows. I don't really know why I have it. I think I just thought maybe it would help draw other asexual people out of the woodwork. Anyway, he asked me what it was and I panicked  I made some joke about it being "this whole thing" and he dropped it. So I'm not really sure how I feel about people knowing what my deal is. Despite being the only single person in the entire office, maybe the only one in the whole company, nobody really gets too nosey about it. On the one hand, I'm thankful, but on the other hand, if a cool coworker who I liked knew, and wanted to kind of take me under their wing to meet people (not opposed to meeting people romantically) I'd be ok with that. God only knows if they think I'm straight, or gay, or what.

 

So umm, random question...I think I'd like to try finding some kind of "mother" figure to help basically guide me along as I get my life going. My mom pretty much wants nothing to do with me. Is this a thing? Would someone feel like I was imposing if I asked?

[Snao Cone]

2 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

So umm, random question...I think I'd like to try finding some kind of "mother" figure to help basically guide me along as I get my life going. My mom pretty much wants nothing to do with me. Is this a thing? Would someone feel like I was imposing if I asked?

Do you mean like a mentor of sorts? I think there might be programs for women supporting women if you want to find someone new to meet who might have a fresh perspective for you. Would it matter if she were trans or cis?