Why do most asexuals / or aromantics hate romantic movies/songs so much?

[kaonek]

I've read many articles and comments written by asexuals and aromantics, and I've never came across an article or comment that speaks positively about romantic stuff, and I'm wondering why?

[Silk Bones]

I wouldn't say that most of us hate the type of music, but even sexuals and romantic people may feel a bit unhappy or not okay with it aswell. I would say that it all depends on what type of romantic music, heh. For instance, my friends are all sexual people and they agree over the statement that, in their opinion and my own, the really happy and cheesy type of romantic music is a bit cringy. However, that's just our stance and everybody is different.

Now when it comes to the romantic type of music where sex may be involved or wanting to undress the other in some form of way and "take things real slow" (This makes me laugh just typing it), That's possibly the type of music they're referring to that just isn't their cup of tea. However, everybody is different here and some may seem to like it, which is absolutely okay and there's nothing wrong with personal preference in music.

It can also be that the type of music may not identify well with them, just like how it's possible for rap music to not identify to the average person: what the specific song talks about may not be fitting for their personal taste or they may not find it relatable to their everyday situation or life situation(s). (this is just an example by the way, I am not making a generalized statement here.)

I'm personally okay with romantic songs such as Stephen Jerzak - Better than Better Could Ever Be Ft. Cady Groves or Cat Power - Sea of Love, but anything that sounds like it could be for a commercial or off a hallmark movie, it just doesn't interest me :lol: But as I've said before, everyone is different here and there are those who do like the type of music, and those who don't. It all just depends on the person.

[Beth SAA]

Obviously I can only speak for myself and not for all asexual and aromantic people. And as Arelyvor said, its mostly down to personal taste. I don't hate romantic songs or movies- sometimes I very much enjoy them- but I do dislike how saturated popular culture is with sex and romance. I dislike the fact that almost all pop songs are about romance or sex and that almost all movies and books seem to feel the need for a love interest, even if its unnecessary for the plot. I don't dislike romantic songs or films in themselves, but I do dislike the assumptions that they represent/perpetuate: the assumption that everyone is romantic and sexual.

I think romantic songs and movies can be seen as an example of how society and the media pushes the importance of sex and romance on to people. Romantic songs and films tend not to reflect the experience of asexual people, especially as they often imply that romantic love cannot exist without sex or that a person cannot really be complete/happy without a sexual romantic relationship. For this reason, it can be hard for asexuals or aromantics to relate to these songs and films. Often romantic movies encourage the viewer to identify with the main character and wish/imagine that they are in a romantic and sexual relationship with the protagonist's love interest. Since I don't really want a romantic/ sexual relationship, I find it harder to identify with this aspiration.

[ChairmenV]

I think romantic songs and movies can be seen as an example of how society and the media pushes the importance of sex and romance on to people.

Due to years of people trying to shove it in my face and trying to "restore my sexual urges" through romantic media I tend to associate romance with acephobia and view it in a more negative light(Don't get me wrong, romance stories can be good like in anime or music. But too much can be annoying). Perhaps something like this has happened to other asexuals which may be a reason why there's a correlation (possibly illusory correlation) between asexuality and negative views towards romance in the media. Or it might just be me.

[DragonflytotheMoon]

I'm a pan & demi romantic. I'm not a fan of romantic films or novels, overall. It depends on the story line & the characters. I do like more unconventional. When it comes to movies, it also depends on who is in it. As for songs, music has always meant a lot to me, ever since I was a kid. I respond in many ways to it. Some certainly evoke emotions in me. Some of those songs I connect with certain people.

[SkyWorld]

Personally, I'm pretty 50/50 with the whole romance movies/songs. Err, probably leaning more to disliking it and liking it. Either way, it's a hit or miss for me and greatly just simply depends.

When it comes to songs, even if I can't really relate, I can still like the beat and the melody, especially if the lyrics don't really bother me that much. Though it's kind of funny, because most of the romance songs I listen to are mostly about heartbreak... in which I still can't relate to.

When it comes to movies, yes, I do get pretty annoyed when romance is thrown in if it's not that relevant to the plot and just seems random. Or when it just seems completely unrealistic or shallow. I do think some romance movies are nice, but it's not exactly my cup of tea.

Really in general, I don't mind the romance genre, but I have several more favorable genres that I prefer.

[thatoneowl]

I'm a romantic at heart but even for me romantic songs/movies/books grow tiring after a while. I figure its normal if its a bit annoying/tiring for those that don't require romance.

The genre is fine and dandy but I feel like its lost its spark amidst all the cringy songs and badly written movies.

[Prufrock, but like, worse]

90% is the same and if you KNOW that you want something different it slowly grinds you down.

[EggplantWitch]

For the same reasons that someone who doesn't care about football would hate being forced to watch nothing but football on TV. Sometimes you think you get lucky and finally find something to watch which is unrelated to football, but then a few episodes in they start playing football and keep playing it on and off throughout the rest of the series.

OK, so maybe that wasn't the best metaphor, but it really does just boil down to 'I don't care about this' and having it everywhere gets tiring sometimes. A romantic plot has to be written very well for me to even tolerate it, let alone enjoy it, and it definitely cannot be the main focus of whatever piece of media it is I'm consuming. There is so, so much more to life than romance, and it can feel very lonely when it appears that no one feels the same way.

I'm not entirely convinced this is a strictly aro/ace thing, though. I've met plenty of non-aro/ace people who agree with me that they'd rather see a well-choreographed fight scene than a kissing scene... it's probably just more common in aro/ace people.

[RK800]

I don't hate them so perhaps I'm not the best one to ask (then again you didn't ask me directly per say so).

I'm going to go out on a presumptuous limb and say that perhaps it is because it makes them feel out of place? Humans are pack animals after all, it is ingrained into our very sense of being to want to "fit in". Maybe often seeing something that most enjoy and are interested in that you don't share the same feelings about could make them feel...wrong?

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

Consider some the following movies. Field of Dreams is about a farmer who builds a baseball stadium. Sideways is a movie about a bachelor party excursion into the wine country of California. If you have absolutely zero interest in American baseball (or sports in general), you can still enjoy Field of Dreams. And if you don't drink alcohol or just hate wine, you can still enjoy Sideways. However, you might not be interested in a major portion of these movies. You might "miss out" on the main point of the movie because you have no knowledge or interest in the topic.

Now imagine if every last movie was based on something you cared little about, like the game of chess. What starts out as an interesting sci-fi or fantasy movie boils down into the hero and villain matching wits in chess. Your goofy rom com ends up in a nail biting chess match. In the old westerns, cowboys settle their disputes through chess. And on and on (and on and on...).

That's what it's like for people who aren't interested in sex and/or romance. We can still enjoy watching these movies or shows, but it does get tiresome when they pull out that chess board yet again...

[scarletlatitude]

I think it's for the same reason that most adults don't like kid movies. You're just not interested.

[Tyger Songbird]

I describe myself as aromantic as well as an audiophile. I do like the melodies of love songs, but they seem to always reinforce the same thing over and over again. They want to say that a person is incomplete without a partner or without a mate. It is basically the pinnacle of human existence to them to find love or find sex. I guess that's why they portray those who don't have that as boring spinsters, losers, or awkward nerds. It's not the truth, but I just don't care for it. I feel out of place with those songs, and I take it as basically doing what it takes to sell. I just feel like further inundating the romance/sex mandate permeating society. My opinion.

[fuzzipueo]

While romcoms usually drive me up the wall, I do like a lot of romantic songs and will read romance books. I'm not a big fan of the overly cheesy (yes, I do like the Pina Colada song - if you want to talk cheesy* :P), but there are romantic songs which can be listened to and not be gag inducing. The more raunchy songs, on the other hand, the stuff in which a variety of innuendo and allusions are used to describe sex? No thanks.

*I admit to liking cheesy romantic songs. Who can resist singing along with Brian Adams' Everything I Do or Sting's Fields of Gold? Or Rod Stewart's Rhythm of My Heart? Admittedly, Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar On Me is pushing the line into the innuendo/allusions end of the spectrum, but it's still fun to sing along with. :D

[dayagime]

Whether someone feels those attractions or not, we are all conditioned to the presence of many romantic/sexual things in the entertainment area but it's different when you don't connect with it. Basically more than half of the songs are about romance or sex (it's a blessing to find a good song with no references to those) and we all know that if 10 movies/tv shows/etc are randomly choosen maybe 8/9 are going to have romance/sex in them. Even when it's not needed. It's not really hard to see where those asexuals and aromantics are coming from, it's all about if you like it or not and if you can handle it constantly or not.

For me, it really helped listening to songs from other languages since the only way to understand is reading the translations and even if they're english songs it's ironic how i usually find myself singing/shouting them with too much passion. When i listen to the lyrics i really just don't think they're totally romantic just more "it's one person singing about other" because many of them can also have other meanings.

[Hermit Advocate]

I think it's for the same reason that most adults don't like kid movies. You're just not interested.

Hey, I still love the Lion King.

But basically my issue is the repetitiveness and the predictability. After a while romance movies seem to all look the same in most cases.

[Tanzanite]

I don't hate (most) romantic stuff, but I do find most of them either cheesy, creepy, predictable, or a combination of all three. I do think some movies and songs can make it work (Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, Daft Punk- Digital Love, 311- Amber (I think that may be a love song), Nob Hill (if I remember correctly), Peking Opera Blues (though that's not th main focus of the story), etc.), but overall, I prefer horror and sci-fi movies and music that makes me feel alive *starts listening to Highlander by Lost Horizon*

[Callacan]

I enjoyed "What happens in Vegas". I'm not a huge fan of romance in movies but it's sometimes nice to see it happen and yes, sometimes I hope that one day I'll meet someone and have a hollywood style romance :)

[Tystie]

I like romcoms. Rather, I like some romcoms. I like stories that have the characters getting to know each other, probably with some complications or misunderstandings along the way. Sometimes, rather than watching something full of violence, angst and drama, I like to escape into worlds where people are actually nice to each other.

However, in order to like the film, I have to like the characters.

Romcoms that have one or other of the characters being unsympathetic or even unpleasant do nothing for me. (I detest My Best Friend's Wedding, for example, and I can't understand why anyone might like the main female character. I don't really like The Runaway Bride, either. By contrast, I like Notting Hill, The Holiday, and You've Got Mail. And I've seen them all several times.) For me, it is what makes the couple work on a friendship level that I'm interested in, rather than the 'lovers' aspect of the story.

In short, I like individual films rather than the whole romance genre. (Similarly, I like some superhero films, but by no means all. And I like some science fiction, but not all.)

I have read a few romance novels, but I tend to find them incredibly boring. Romantic subplots are okay, but the romance can't be the only plot.

As for music... If I like the melody, then I'll like the song. But I'm not that much of a popular music person, anyway.

Oh, and in case you're wondering...I'm pretty sure that I'm aromantic.

[Wut995]

I personally love that music cause it pretty much tells me how most people feel about people but movies and even people talking about it in regular form it makes me so God damn bored

[Homer]

I think it just comes down to not being able to relate.

 

Personally, I'm not into movies. At all. I don't care and I don't know a thing. So when "everyone" talks about the new Star Wars / Star Trek / Bond / blah movie, I just zone out because there's literally nothing I can contribute anyway. It happens on here as well. Sherlock / Dr Who / manga / anime talk means that I'll check if my scroll wheel does still work.

[gaogao]

I agree it's probably to do with not being able to relate, and personally it's also the fact that it's clear from a lot of romantic movies that audiences are expected to be able to relate.

 

I know a lot of non-ace queer people who feel this way about 'straight' romance movies and songs, but then also a lot of it is personal taste too and I'm thinking of my friends who like the same things as me.

 

 

It's kind of like how I'm a bit tired of American movies and settings, though. I don't generally relate (though I can relate more than some, since I did live in the US for a little while) but I really don't like that people always expect everyone to know America or American cultural references. It's a bit of a pet peeve.

[Telecaster68]

35 minutes ago, gaogao said:

I really don't like that people always expect everyone to know America or American cultural references. It's a bit of a pet peeve.

I know what you mean. But the sad thing is we do know them. It's soft imperialism - a bit like people here (UK) starting to say 'Can I get a coffee?', which is an Americanism. English English is 'Can I have a coffee?'. But this is another thread.

[Guest]

I'm not aromantic or asexual and I hate romantic songs/movies

[Telecaster68]

That's because you're cynical and embittered Ficto

[TheAP]

I like some romantic songs. I can even relate to some of them, if I connect them to a friend or crush/obsession rather than a romantic partner. As for romantic books and movies, meh, not a huge fan.

[knittinghistorian]

Here's my theory as to part of the problem.  Take, for example in a different subject matter, the overtly-Christian movie industry.  Many people love those movies ("The War Room", "God's Not Dead", "Fireproof", etc.) and think they're great, because they have a good message and because they're very Christian.  But, artistically speaking, they're often really terrible.  I think romance or sex in movies or on TV may be similar.  Most people have their own experiences and desires to smooth things over, whereas asexual and aromantic people are just left with "What?  That's so contrived.  The dialogue and acting are terrible.  That's such a stereotype.  Those people have zero chemistry.  They just met, how could they possibly be in love already, and at exactly the same time?  That makes no sense."  We don't have a cushion from any poor quality or tiresomeness there is, so we're less tolerant of it.

 

If a romance is well-done, where it grows over time and the characters have real chemistry, where you don't think that, objectively, that relationship would be totally doomed in real life, I don't mind it at all.  "You've Got Mail" is a romcom I quite enjoy, and have watched many times.  If a sex scene serves a purpose other than titillation or killing time, it's fine (though it may get fast-forwarded by me, as it makes me uncomfortable anyway).  But I don't happily accept anything just because "Sex!  Romance!  Yay!", any more than I accept badly-done movies just because "Christian themes!  Yay!"

[everywhere and nowhere]

First of all inability to relate to experiences shown, I guess... For example, I generally hate romantic comedies. I totally can't stand the mainstream ones, but I make an exception for queer romantic comedies because of my interest in queer culture. I don't think I'm aromantic, but I have never been in a relationship, don't want to have sex, I'm also certainly not heteroromantic... I just don't see anything interesting in mainstream romantic comedies.

As for my "queer exception", for example I like Jamie Babbit's "But I'm a Cheerleader" very much. And I have been able to relate to it in a very non-obvious way: the dominant paradox of the plot (how the protagonist discovers and embraces her lesbianism at a place where she was supposed to get "cured") psychologically reminded me of my own struggles with the "psychedelic temptation", that it, my desire to try psychedelic drugs (beginning at the age of 12, satisfied at the age of 30). I don't think I'd find that same strange feeling in straight romantic comedies because they don't speak of a love which is supposed to remain a terrifying secret.

[Éadweard]

I actually don’t hate them. I just realize the stories aren’t about me and enjoy them. I don’t have to be gay to enjoy a gay-themed movie. I don’t have to be African-American to enjoy a movie about them. I don’t have to be a superhero to enjoy a comic movie. Why does anyone feel they have to feel attraction to other people to enjoy romances?

[Larkaloke]

Speaking for myself, it's not so much that I hate them as that I generally find them boring and they're everywhere. I don't mind their existence. Every now and again, I actually enjoy a romantic song if it's particularly good, or a subplot in a book or film or show on the rare occasions where I actually like both characters involved and think it makes sense in character. Can't think of a time I've ever been anything but incredibly bored by a story that has romance as the central plot, and it does bother me every single story out there seems required to have a romance in it. I often find them uninteresting and/or unbelievable, and I'd like to have more stories available that just don't have them. I have a higher tolerance for romances that clearly advance the plot in an interesting fashion that could not be just as easily accomplished with a different type of relationship than I do for ones that just seem tossed in because "of course we need a romance".

 

It should also be said that of the several asexual people I know, I'm the only one who dislikes romantic stuff in general. Of course, I'm also the only one who's aromantic, but I think that's just a coincidence.