I don't really care about sex?'

[Inactive123]

Please. Stop. Arguing. >~<

You have been a great help, so let's please leave each other alone, we already got a warning. '^^

[Guest]

So your argument really is that asexuals have deeper love, then? Because if it's not, your #2 doesn't make sense.

#2 makes sense anyways because it is just a skeptical argument, the equality of these actions doesn't follow from their common source. I'm just arguing against these unfounded conclusions.

If you think that asexuals love better or deeper or whatever bullshit you've decided, well, there's really no need for us to continue the conversation.

Personally I don't think so but it is sad that the people that doesn't agree with you are excluded from your conversations.

The only conclusion I made is that asexuals and sexuals are both base. Not sure why you're attacking that... someone step on your toe or something today and you gotta make a fight out of nothing?

You can think it's sad if you want to. I don't. I have better things to do with my time than talk to people who believe they know the "one true way" to love. I've been on AVEN for 5+ years and it isn't at all sad that I refuse to participate in every single discussion about how much more pure asexual love is.

[Guest]

I can relate to certain things you've written. I did think that my lack of interest meant I was asexual, though.

Prior to meeting my partner I had absolutely no interest in romantic relationships or sex. I was happy with it, focused on my education and career blah blah blah...

Shortly after joining this forum, I realized I was not asexual. I'll never be a very sexual person, I have a lowish libido and if it came down to it, I could live without sex and be completely fine. I am only interested in sex with "the right person". I enjoy it when I'm having it, but rarely think about it when I'm not. I do believe sex is an important part of a relationship, though, and I see it as something that helps me feel closer to my partner.

Many of you will disagree on that, and that's fine, but I think there is very little intimacy in a sexless relationship compared to one with sex in it. A QPR (or whatever it's called) is no different than having a roommate, from where I stand.

To use an analogy, the difference between a sexless relationship and a relationship with sex in it is like having two friends, one you only meet for coffee and a chit-chat and the other you do cool stuff with (go on road trips/do adrenaline sports/travel etc). Which one is going to be closer to you, hm?

I can still love someone without touching them sexually

Yes, you can. If they're sexual, though, it's likely they're going to think you love them less...

I can see the whole sex and love issue worries you quite a bit. There's no point in stressing over it, though. Being in a relationship is something that's supposed to make you feel happy, if it doesn't then they're not the right person for you. When you get a girlfriend, just make sure she's with you for you, not for the amount of sex you have with her.

One of my closest friends is a gay man, he's a very monogamous person and has been with his boyfriend for 10+ years. He hates the fact that the LGBT community presents itself as a bunch of horny promiscuous people who only care about sex.

Screw what the LGBT community says and do things your way. ;)

I don't really believe it's the HIGHEST form of intimacy.

Out of curiosity, what is the highest form of intimacy for you?

Cant cut the quote down on my phone but I'm replying to

"Many of you will disagree on that, and that's fine, but I think there is very little intimacy in a sexless relationship compared to one with sex in it. A QPR (or whatever it's called) is no different than having a roommate, from where I stand.

To use an analogy, the difference between a sexless relationship and a relationship with sex in it is like having two friends, one you only meet for coffee and a chit-chat and the other you do cool stuff with (go on road trips/do adrenaline sports/travel etc). Which one is going to be closer to you, hm?"

Two romantic people in love can have just as much intimacy without smooshing their genitals together as others can while doing that. I'm on FetLife and even many sexual people there say a lot of the non-sexual/non-genital involving intimate things (ie adult breastfeeding) they do brings them closer together than sex ever did so yeah, it's not just an ace thing. Sex isn't the be all and end all of intimacy for lots of people (many, but not all) End of.

[Memento1]

To bring a bit of science to this off-topic argument, I would bring up the so-called "love hormone" oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone which drives a lot of human (and non-human) social bonding. It reinforces social bonds - not forming them, strengthening them. It gives us that sense of intimacy and closeness. It is well known that oxytocin is released into our body during many events: cuddling, hugging, and sex among them. Sex is not the only, or even the strongest, releaser of oxytocin. Childbirth and breastfeeding are incredibly strong releasers of oxytocin, which partially helps form the instant bond between mother and child. Yet I would never say a mother has more love or intimacy with her child than a father does. Fathers may not have that added boost of oxytocin from childbirth and breastfeeding, but the other activities they do with their child (even THINKING of them fondly) can release enough oxytocin to form just as strong a bond.

Similarly, I would argue a relationship with sex is helped along with bursts of sex-forged oxytocin to build intimacy, but a sexless relationship is not oxytocin and intimacy deprived - the oxytocin just needs to come from other sources.

[Medowsweet]

Kipkip,

Here is what I have done in my past relationships: Think of sex as a gift, and just do it anyway.

Think of it like this:

Would you do the dishes for your SO to show you care?

Would you cook them their favorite meal?

Would you go to a movie you were indifferent to because they really wanted to see it?

Would you buy them a "just because I care" gift?

Would you get off work early to fill the house with balloons and streamers to surprise them for their birthday?

Every good relationship is full of wonderful little things you do just because you love the other person and know they would appreciate it.

Obviously this isn't going to work for people who are repulsed by sex. But if you are indifferent then it shouldn't be a big deal to have a "normal" sex life as a gift to them (I am assuming "normal" is like once a week or so? If they wanted if every day it could quickly become taxing and laborous.)

[Telecaster68]

I would argue a relationship with sex is helped along with bursts of sex-forged oxytocin to build intimacy, but a sexless relationship is not oxytocin and intimacy deprived - the oxytocin just needs to come from other sources

It's not deprived of oxytocin, but it's deprived of the way the brain floods with it after sex and orgasm, and the way that's a mutual, shared experience. It's intense and elating, far nearer the buzz from exercise - my experience of the cuddling version is that it's more soothing, maybe more like the hit from a single whisky or a smooth joint.

That difference can be mitigated by managing expectations, I suppose, and (more science) neuroplasticity will probably get sexuals more used to making the most of what they can get. But the number of posts from distressed sexuals who aren't getting it would indicate that flooding is always missed.

[Tarfeather]

It's better than being single forever is what I'm saying. ;)

[Was here]

Good lord, I'm so sorry this innocent question has gone downhill. I don't have much advise and I'm not a lesbian, but I can relate. Being yourself is really all that matters. You're you, you know what you want and don't want, even if here's no exact word for it.

[TheAP]

Locked due to necromancy.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality co-mod