I'm doubting myself left right and center

[Jamba]

I found out about Asexuality around the start of the year, and since then I've been questioning myself quite a lot. At first, before I found out about Asexuality, I just assumed I was Heterosexual. When I found out about it I thought I was Asexual and that it was a more comfortable fit if you will. Now, I'm torn between the two, I don't know if I'm Asexual or Heterosexual and its bugging me a lot. Now, a lot of people would probably just forget about it, but, I have quite an obsessive personality and I just can't shake this until I get an answer. I understand none of you can truly answer the question, but I'm hoping for some guidance.

The reason I thought I was Asexual is because I have never actually thought sexually of someone, and if I'm being honest I don't recall having sexual thoughts in the slightest. On top of this, I don't care much for relationships and honestly think that if I went my life without ever having sex, I would be 100% OK with it. I'm also an introvert and as much as I don't want to admit it, I'm quite emotionally "stale" if you will. I'm not one for mushy emotional connections and having them make me uncomfortable, because of this I feel like my views towards sex and relationships are more because of the way I am and not what I want.

I also question myself because I can get aroused to pornography or erotica. While I don't want to have sex myself I find the human form quite beautiful and and definitely attracted to females.

If I were to sum up my feelings towards sex it would probably be; I wouldn't care if I never had it, but if the opportunity to have it ever opened itself up to me, I would possibly take it.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you for taking the time to read it, any advice would truly be helpful.

[Ianjthorn]

I want to properly answer this, but I'm on my phone, so I'll make it short for now.

There are many asexuals who experience arousal. Arousal is not the same as sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is basically your want or need to have sex with someone else. Arousal is basically just your body reacting like bodies do. I myself can experience arousal sometimes when I kiss people, and/or when pornography is involved. I have found out that aroused is never something I become when actually having sex though. Everyone is of course different.

I would also like to say that the only way to actually prove that you're asexual is to have sex, but then, does it have to be proved? Sex is nothing you have to try if you don't feel like it. It's like never having done surfing and not wanting to try it either. You are in no way obliged to.

[Juice]

I'm new here as well, the reasons for doubting yourself that you listed are almost exactly the same as mine. In a nutshell, I feel like the part of my brain that is in charge of romantic and sexual thoughts and emotions has taken a vow of celibacy and that the rational part of my brain is okay with this. In the rare instances when I do find a girl attractive in a crush kind of way but WAY less overpowering, my mind can't help but remind me of all the reasons I'm better off letting go of the desires. Overall, I'm okay with it, but it can make me seem like a robot to people who don't know me well, especially the girls that develop an interest in me.

I hope we can both find some answers.

[alibali]

I have come to the conclusion that I'm asexual, in spite of having had many sexual encounters and having been married. It has always been because I have been culturally conditioned to think I should, or have a duty. I have initiated because there is pressure to. I have been aroused occasionally, and until the menopause hit, masturbated to relieve tension, and enjoyed it. I was married for 21 years, but we had no sex for the final 10 years of our relationship, because I wasn't interested and didn't want to continue justvto please someone else. Being married to someone who did want sex and having no explanation or understanding ruined all the good things. I cannot contemplate ever having or wanting sex with anyone, which kind of makes me sad, because everyone I know seems to have so much pleasure in ot. But actually wanting to other than duty or procreation is beyond me. I have been left very lonely as a result, because I have lost all my family and now my husband's family. But my new found realisation that actually I am different but not awful, still means that I have to be alone for the rest of life. I would like to live the rest of my life with a trusted companion. Just no sex or intimacy.

[Me :)]

I am also questioning my terminology but I think I'm a little bit the opposite of what you described.

I also thought I was just a heterosexual,until I found out about asexuality and felt like I really related to the whole idea. The definition however, of being ace, is so wide and variable, that it's hard for me to actually confidentially say that I know what I am.

I do like intimate and "mushy" if you will relationships (to a certain extent) but without the sexual part.

Also, I never really understood what it means to get "turned on" like you described and I don't think I ever experienced it really... I never actually felt a need to forfil any supposed "desire" that I may or may not have towards sexual aspects and I'm still not really sure what sexual attraction I'm supposed to have.

I would like a romantic relationship with someone (a guy, and I'm a girl), but I feel like the sexual part is negligible.

[LuciferReads]

I'm new here and can 100% relate to what you've said. I think from what you've said you would be on the asexual scale. The definition of asexual is not to be sexually attracted to anyone, so what you've described is that.

As I said before I'm new to the subject and by no means an expert, if you feel that the label of asexual defines you then good. Asexuality covers a large spectrum, so even if you don't feel completely the same as its definition, you could still be defined as asexual.