RaisedByHippies98 Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 I kind of want a boyfriend and I don't know how to get one. I've never had a boyfriend before, am a sex-repulsed asexual and am also aromantic so I've never really desired romance from any guys I've met (not actually, as in i want it and would say yes if they asked, i always say no when guys ask if i'll go out with them), and I don't really know a lot of the details of what a relationship really is. I just know that i'm lonely and want companionship that's closer than a typical friendship. The problem is, I've never loved anyone romantically and actually I don't think I'm physically capable of those feelings. I don't want to get married. I don't want to have kids. So I feel like i would be taking advantage of the guy I date because it's not going to end in marriage and if I move away after my last 3 semesters of college, i would not want to maintain a long distance relationship other than staying friends, and texting randomly. I do know that I would be a good girlfriend, though, because I love caring for others and making people happy, so I know that he would feel loved.... but in the long run, I don't think that I could really love him romantically... Any thoughts are welcome thanks Link to post Share on other sites
RaisedByHippies98 Posted July 7, 2016 Author Share Posted July 7, 2016 Comment in response: who dates with the intention of learning who that person is to see if you want to marry them or who dates just to date? Link to post Share on other sites
pinkroses Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 i would date with intention to marry. but i havent really dated soo... im not a good example. probably. Link to post Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 I only date with the intention to marry and i just don't expect nothing else, but i'm totally fine with whatever comes after marriage but sex. I never felt true love, my dating skills suck but i'm romantic at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 If you want a romantic relationship that's not aromantic. Wanting a romantic relationship with no romantic attraction is called Cupioromantic or under Gray-romantic. But are you sure you want a romantic relationship and not just a best or close friend? And why is Frayromantic in your orientation? That doesn't seem to apply, at least from what you've said. Link to post Share on other sites
God of the Forest Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 I date with the intention to marry and have dated quite a lot with no results....so either I'm too picky, im looking in the wrong places or the amount of people who are marriage material is dwindling. It scares me to think I'll be forever alone... I thought I was okay with it but...it'd be nice to have someone to share a bed with (non sexually) and to be intimate with and to have someone who has my back...oi now im rambling Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 It scares me to think I'll be forever alone... I thought I was okay with it but... If your intent is to marry, dating a lot (even without good results) is kind of par for the course (I'd think). I don't think that means you're too picky, or that you're looking in the wrong places. The right match for something like marriage is limited by definition. And hey, dating quite a lot? You're doing a boatload better than me Me personally? I'd love to marry. I'd be willing to date to get there. But nobody seems interested. With my very best efforts I can only manage <1 date per year, and that isn't likely to lead to marriage. So I'm pretty skeptical and try to make sure the rest of my life is as fulfilling as possible, even if it hurts like hell. Link to post Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 It scares me to think I'll be forever alone... I thought I was okay with it but...If your intent is to marry, dating a lot (even without good results) is kind of par for the course (I'd think). I don't think that means you're too picky, or that you're looking in the wrong places. The right match for something like marriage is limited by definition. And hey, dating quite a lot? You're doing a boatload better than me Me personally? I'd love to marry. I'd be willing to date to get there. But nobody seems interested. With my very best efforts I can only manage <1 date per year, and that isn't likely to lead to marriage. So I'm pretty skeptical and try to make sure the rest of my life is as fulfilling as possible, even if it hurts like hell. Aww, but you look soooo cute. Link to post Share on other sites
El-not-so-ace Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Only date to marry and that's part of the reason I was picky. I feel like I have enough friends so whoever I date needs to be marriage material (so compatible with me and no horrible dealbreakers) or else I feel like we're both wasting our time. Link to post Share on other sites
RaisedByHippies98 Posted July 8, 2016 Author Share Posted July 8, 2016 i have no idea how frayromantic got on my profile, i havent updated in forever also, aromantic means not feeling romantic attraction to people, or rarely feeling it. i almost never feel this, so i think im fine to call myself aromantic;i dont feel it enough to even be labeled gray-aro. also, i think that the basis behind my desire for a boyfriend is basically just because ive been feeling lonely this summer. anyways. I say i want a romantic relationship because i want to do things that are considered romantic, like making out and sleeping together without sex, and just having someone that i can hang out with a lot and who wants to hang out with me. i know i want something different than friendship. i already have a best friend and would never want to replace him, but i want someone different than a close friend. i dont even know really how im feeling and why i want this so i dont know how to explain it better If you want a romantic relationship that's not aromantic. Wanting a romantic relationship with no romantic attraction is called Cupioromantic or under Gray-romantic. But are you sure you want a romantic relationship and not just a best or close friend? And why is Frayromantic in your orientation? That doesn't seem to apply, at least from what you've said. Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 60% chasing the dream of running into marriage material and 40% lets look & see + feel still kind of alive. But oops, I haven't dated much since I registered here. Link to post Share on other sites
DragonflytotheMoon Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 After recognizing recently that I'm a demi rom, it makes sense why I preferred to either be single or in a relationship. I never cared just to date. I've been with my husband for 19 years. We have a poly arrangement (separate relationships). I thought that as I was already married, I would be able to see people casually. No. I can only be serious with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
.diva plavalaguna. Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Not that I've ever really dated, but I'd do so with the intention of marrying. I don't want my time wasted, and feel like I am far too sensitive to only get involved casually. I need you with me or not at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 No, aro means both; they can neither feel romantic attraction (RA) nor desire a romantic relationship. Having RA with no romantic desire is Gray-aromantic. (i.e. borderline aromantic) And as said, having no RA with romantic desire is Gray-romantic, or specifically Cupioromantic. (i.e. not your average romantic but still a romantic none the less) If romantic attraction or romantic desire is rarely felt it's under Gray (though the suffix depends on how the term is sorted) or Aroflexible. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 I'm with the majority here on the intention of marrying the person. I don't understand dating just to date really. Link to post Share on other sites
Propper Techie Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 I hate being touched, kissed and am repulsed by everything sexual but at times I will look at guys, for example today on train home had guy with nice brown eyes infront of me so all ride home i was staring in a squish set-up but doubt I'd of done anything more. same goes for johnny depp, now my mates know if I could id have his face etc tatooed on me. but since working out what I am say id had a really shit day, I'd rather sit watching t.v. with him hugging me (even though I hate them) in a 'youre ok..' than do him! (first time ive said that in YEARS) I like being single - why hurt people & they hurt you? - hate kids so im sorted there. ive my loyal friends & new people on here i hope to talk to :) thats all I need! Link to post Share on other sites
Shamala Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 I hate being touched, kissed and am repulsed by everything sexual but at times I will look at guys, for example today on train home had guy with nice brown eyes infront of me so all ride home i was staring in a squish set-up but doubt I'd of done anything more. same goes for johnny depp, now my mates know if I could id have his face etc tatooed on me. but since working out what I am say id had a really shit day, I'd rather sit watching t.v. with him hugging me (even though I hate them) in a 'youre ok..' than do him! (first time ive said that in YEARS) I like being single - why hurt people & they hurt you? - hate kids so im sorted there. ive my loyal friends & new people on here i hope to talk to :) thats all I need! Kinda sounds like me. I recently sorta got used to touching cause I'm around touchy feely persons now. I don't mind touching if there is no romantic feeling involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Anime Pancake Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I am not interested in marriage at all, just companionship. If I date someone it's because I want to get to know them better or spend time with them or if I am interested in having a short or long relationship with them. As an asexual that isn't interested in having kids, I don't want to get married at all. Maybe you could ask a person you are interested in if they are interested in a relationship that isn't too serious or let them know that you may be moving away in the next few months. Or maybe being close friends would be better than a romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrel Combat Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I would date to marry as well. But just palling around with a lady has been fine for the time, too. But I am still looking...with nothing to be found. :( Link to post Share on other sites
kaysir Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 I'm open to marriage, but I also like the idea of dating just to date. However, I've never wanted to do that with anyone and it's hard to imagine. Sharing my life with someone and doing cliche romantic things sounds nice, but people (mainly myself) seem to change too much and too quickly for me to feel well-matched enough with anyone. That, and my dating style would probably get me written off as hmm... undesirable? Disrespectful? Well, a creature to be wary of in the dating world. Link to post Share on other sites
blue2 sky Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 I would be open to getting married if things worked out between me and the person I was dating. Link to post Share on other sites
karnzter Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 I'd date someone with the intention to marry. Or, if time, views and things change; cohabitation/companionship/civil, domestic or long-term partnership. The issues are that I'm a complex gray-romantic gray-ace due to my fluctuating and changing romantic and sexual attractions. Pair it with a lot of my insecurities; little to no self-confidence and independence; post-bullying, catfishing and heartbreak trauma; a job that needs my 100 percent presence six (or seven) days a week; trust issues; anxiety, paranoia; depression; perfectionism; OCD; PTSD; AvPD; cynicism and repulsion; touch and social aversion to strangers; isolation and reclusive-ness; uncontrollable anger and emotions; and weight and appearance; finding a guy whom I can try to date (and if things work out, be my potential life partner or spouse) is most not likely to happen. And with how modern society and media has shown what the 'ideal man or woman' is like, it even lessens my chances of being date-able even more. It's a huge struggle to come to terms that I'll most likely never be in a relationship and/or have a family of my own, but at least I have a very close circle of friendly and familial relationships with me. Link to post Share on other sites
dimliyo Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 Comment in response: who dates with the intention of learning who that person is to see if you want to marry them or who dates just to date? I date with the intention of making friends and seeing where it goes from there. I dropped a lot of guys who didn't cut it, but I don't feel awful about myself for doing it. It can be super stressful to date for the sake of dating, but you can experience new things even if it's just having a companion to walk around a local lake. Eventually of course, I would love it if a date got serious enough to move to "date with the thought of marriage" status. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.