deltaX Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 GOOD recently published an article about David Jay and asexuality. It describes DJ's experience with relationships, and advice that he would give about romance as an asexual person. Full article here: https://www.good.is/articles/the-sexless-relationship-guru Link to post Share on other sites
Vega91 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Interesting article, thanks for posting! :D Link to post Share on other sites
Hooded_Crow Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 You know, I really like David Jay. Not just for the essential role he has played and continues to play in asexual awareness, although that doesn't get said enough. If he weren't here, if he hadn't done all this work, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't have met my partner, and I think lots of peoples' lives would be very different today. But I also like him because whenever I read or listen to something he's said, I find him to be a very intelligent, articulate and genuinely good person. I admire the way he went back to the very basics of human relationships, without taking anything for granted, questioning every convention. It is a very important job and I think it needed to be done. So yes, maybe some people now disagree with some of his definitions (I still don't, but I know there are people who do), but still, all those talks about asexuality, all that openness and kindness towards people who didn't understand or wouldn't understand. Yeah. Thanks, David Jay Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Quickhands Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 I laughed out loud over the David Jay Twitter quote about bases that they included in the article. So spot-on haha. Yeah I really like David Jay; everything he says about asexuality and analyzing relationships is so relatable to me. Of course, it's pretty clear he has his own personal axe to grind when it comes to polyamory, but I think he's very respectful about keeping that separate from his public message about asexuality. It's not something he asks people to necessarily subscribe to the same way he asks people to understand what asexuality is -- and he's very articulate when it comes to explaining his thoughts about the latter. That's the kind of thing that is invaluable to this community. Link to post Share on other sites
ithaca Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Brilliant article! De-construct relationship hierarchy, woohoo! Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 I laughed out loud over the David Jay Twitter quote about bases that they included in the article. So spot-on haha. Yeah I really like David Jay; everything he says about asexuality and analyzing relationships is so relatable to me. Of course, it's pretty clear he has his own personal axe to grind when it comes to polyamory, but I think he's very respectful about keeping that separate from his public message about asexuality. It's not something he asks people to necessarily subscribe to the same way he asks people to understand what asexuality is -- and he's very articulate when it comes to explaining his thoughts about the latter. That's the kind of thing that is invaluable to this community. I have qualms about him due to his coming across a bit like "polyamory" is better than "monoamory." It's okay to be either way. I don't think we ought to depend on any one person to meet all our needs and a support network of multiple people is the best, however, I don't think that everyone needs to be polyamorous. If we don't want people telling us we need to change our "asexuality," then we don't need to tell others they need to change their "monoamory." Basically, I disagree with DJ's view on relationships and disagree that he keeps it separate from "asexuality." It was pretty much equated with "asexuality" in the documentary he was in and that's a major reason why I really dislike that documentary. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Quickhands Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Yeah, I very much don't agree with the idea that polyamory is somehow "better", but I don't think I've ever heard David Jay explicitly equate asexuality with polyamory. It's been a while since I watched that documentary, but as I recall they sort of went off on a tangent about Jay in particular. I think that's the documentary maker's fault (either for focusing too much on David Jay or naming the documentary "Asexual"). Or for instance in this article, the subject seems to be more about Jay's personal romantic life rather than the asexual community as a whole. In any of the old interviews where he appears on TV and speaks for the asexual community, I think the only times he ever comes close to pushing his polyamory ideas are the very occasional vague mentions of strong personal relationships that "don't fit the standard mould" or similar phrasing (which is a broad enough blanketing statement to include any asexual in a monogamous relationship or not), or if the interviewer starts asking him direct personal questions (although he never says anything suggesting "all asexuals are exactly like me", quite the opposite in fact). Any spokesperson for asexuality is going to have their own approach to personal relationships and their own personal strongly held views, and interviewers will always always ask about these things along with questions like "do you masturbate?". Nobody can be universally representative in that situation, and the best you can ask for is that they don't claim those things as central identifiers of the asexual community. If David Jay were pushing the idea that all asexuals are better off polyamorous, there'd be something weird about polyamory in the FAQs about asexuality on this website. And there isn't; so I have to commend him for recognizing his own responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 Yeah, I very much don't agree with the idea that polyamory is somehow "better", but I don't think I've ever heard David Jay explicitly equate asexuality with polyamory. It's been a while since I watched that documentary, but as I recall they sort of went off on a tangent about Jay in particular. I think that's the documentary maker's fault (either for focusing too much on David Jay or naming the documentary "Asexual"). Or for instance in this article, the subject seems to be more about Jay's personal romantic life rather than the asexual community as a whole. In any of the old interviews where he appears on TV and speaks for the asexual community, I think the only times he ever comes close to pushing his polyamory ideas are the very occasional vague mentions of strong personal relationships that "don't fit the standard mould" or similar phrasing (which is a broad enough blanketing statement to include any asexual in a monogamous relationship or not), or if the interviewer starts asking him direct personal questions (although he never says anything suggesting "all asexuals are exactly like me", quite the opposite in fact). Any spokesperson for asexuality is going to have their own approach to personal relationships and their own personal strongly held views, and interviewers will always always ask about these things along with questions like "do you masturbate?". Nobody can be universally representative in that situation, and the best you can ask for is that they don't claim those things as central identifiers of the asexual community. If David Jay were pushing the idea that all asexuals are better off polyamorous, there'd be something weird about polyamory in the FAQs about asexuality on this website. And there isn't; so I have to commend him for recognizing his own responsibility. Ok, fair, it's probably more the documentary makers and article writers that are at fault if they don't clearly separate these things. I dislike the documentary and definitely think it focused way too much on DJ and his personal preferences vs. general characteristics of "asexual" people. Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 I really don't relate. Seems like a lot of work to form "relationships" and once again we have the assumption built in that all people want this. I already have to tell everyone that no I don't want to form a sexless relationship even though they've read that's what all asexuals want. Now I have to tell people that I don't want some kind of group sexless relationship pool because that's what the "world's most famous asexual" always talks about. Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAce Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 I loved this article! You know, I really like David Jay.Not just for the essential role he has played and continues to play in asexual awareness, although that doesn't get said enough. If he weren't here, if he hadn't done all this work, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't have met my partner, and I think lots of peoples' lives would be very different today.But I also like him because whenever I read or listen to something he's said, I find him to be a very intelligent, articulate and genuinely good person. I admire the way he went back to the very basics of human relationships, without taking anything for granted, questioning every convention. It is a very important job and I think it needed to be done.So yes, maybe some people now disagree with some of his definitions (I still don't, but I know there are people who do), but still, all those talks about asexuality, all that openness and kindness towards people who didn't understand or wouldn't understand. Yeah. Thanks, David Jay I couldn't agree with you more. I think we can never thank DJ enough for all the work he's done and continues to do for the ace community. Leaving aside his personal perspective on relationships, he's undoubtedly a great leader and we're fortunate to have him as such. Link to post Share on other sites
Roboto Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 The world's most famous asexual is probably Andy Warhol. Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 Like any of us, Jay craves intimacy—just not the kind that’s centered around sexuality. The bold part of the quote from the article is an overgeneralisation. Link to post Share on other sites
Queen of Wonderland Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 This is seriously a great article, I'm definitely coming back to it Link to post Share on other sites
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