Kanenas Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 When I speak to another asexual person, I do not think of all the sex we are not having. What I did think about the other day though is what it would be like to have sexual relations with another asexual individual! It's been roughly 10 years since I had a hunch what's up with me and now I finally had the idea. As usual, I'm early!I heard so many stories from asexuals who had sex in and out of relationships, before and after realizing their orientation. Some good, some bad stories from mixed couples. What I am curious about is how asexuals who have sex with other asexuals feel like.How did it come about in the first place? Did you agree to try it out of curiosity or is it happening whenever desired? I would imagine that you sat down and discussed it in great length instead of tearing each other's clothes down :lol: I just wonder whether that would feel more natural. Or if it would be almost mechanical. Two extremes, I know, I know..So excuse my slightly hilarious lightbulb moment. If you are someone who has that experience, do share! Link to post Share on other sites
Hamster Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 I think we'd only do it if we had decided that it was time to have a child. I can't even see it happening in any other situation. (I even thought about impregnating myself with a turkey baster, but lol. I think we're past that and would just do the dirty to get the babby.) Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 or is it happening whenever desired? Umm if this is the case, I think they might be telling porkies about their sexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
TRexPhilbo Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 or is it happening whenever desired? Umm if this is the case, I think they might be telling porkies about their sexuality. Not necessarily. Many aces experience sexual desire, which generally leads to masturbation, but can lead to sex, which sometimes happens. Asexuality to defined only by lack of attraction, after all, not by lack of desire or ability.I know aces with both very low and high levels of desire, but they're still asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest 80814 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 If someone is desiring sex and having sex, they're clearly not asexual, regardless of whatever the purple banner which most people seem to disagree with™ says. Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 or is it happening whenever desired? Umm if this is the case, I think they might be telling porkies about their sexuality. Not necessarily. Many aces experience sexual desire, which generally leads to masturbation, but can lead to sex, which sometimes happens. Asexuality to defined only by lack of attraction, after all, not by lack of desire or ability.I know aces with both very low and high levels of desire, but they're still asexual. Yes necessarily. So two people in a relationship don't fancy one another, so what? That's not unusual. Not all sexual folk experience sexual attraction. But they all experience sexual desire, whether in a general sense or directed at someone in particular. And, if you check the faqs as to how AVEN defines "sexual attraction", it's "the desire to share sexuality with someone" or something like that. So how can attraction be the desire for anything? Attraction and desire are two different things. Experiencing sexual attraction = nothing to do with asexuality. Experiencing sexual desire = sexual written all over it. Link to post Share on other sites
tali.lynn Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 I agree, if you desire sex with someone else (for sexual pleasure or release, as in, you can "desire" to have sex to keep an allosexual partner happy or to have a baby, and still be ace), you must not be asexual. And if I was to have sex, yes it would be for reproduction. However as I'm aro I will probably opt for artificial insemination. Link to post Share on other sites
WinterWanderer Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 *pulls out a bucket of popcorn to munch on as this thread dissolves into yet another argument over what asexuality is* xD Link to post Share on other sites
Hooded_Crow Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Hi OP :) for what it's worth, I'm thinking of one day having full sex with my asexual partner and I am definitely asexual. I do not *desire* it for itself. But I am a bit curious about what it would be like (I'm sure it would be very loving and cuddly and cute). Plus we might one day want a kid and if we do, we will want to actually make the kiddo ourselves ^^ We have done some sexual stuff together before. Manual, oral (mostly me receiving). It felt nice. I'd do that again occasionally. We get cuddly and sometimes it gets us aroused and when it does, we're comfortable enough with each other that we don't have to jump apart and go deal with it or cool off separately. So we can take care of it together. That way we can keep snuggling =3 I loooove the snuggles. And yes. I'm still asexual. I definitely don't desire the sexual stuff like I desire the cuddles. No cuddles would make me feel starved and unhappy. No sexual stuff would make me... probably not even notice there's no sexual stuff going on XD I'd be totally nonplussed. By the way, when I want to imagine how a sexual person feels about sex with their partner, I just have to picture how I feel about cuddles with my partner Link to post Share on other sites
champagnerain Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 I'm in a relationship with a sexual person, so we do have sex on occasion, but I can't imagine initiating sex or wanting to have it if my partner was asexual. I also don't want children, so that's not a motivator for me. The idea seems incredibly strange unless there's some other motivator (like desire for children). I feel like the whole "turkey baster" method could be a bit awkward, and actual sex might be preferable if you really want kids. Link to post Share on other sites
elizabethdewitt Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Its happened before I'm sure for probably different reasons. I personally would never do it unless i wanted my partner to be happy. I don't desire sex though and wouldn't initiate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Not necessarily. Many aces experience sexual desire, which generally leads to masturbation, but can lead to sex, which sometimes happens. Asexuality to defined only by lack of attraction, after all, not by lack of desire or ability.I know aces with both very low and high levels of desire, but they're still asexual. AVEN itself defines "sexual attraction" as "the desire for sexual contact with someone else" .. Many sexual people don't expreience "being attracted to someone in a way that causes you to become aroused" but *all* sexual people desire sex for pleasure, intimacy, etc. An asexual having sex with another asexual for pleasure and intimacy etc is just a deluded sexual. Both of them are sexual if they both want to have the sex with each other for pleasure and/or intimacy (sex is any partnered genital stimulation with the purpose of sexual pleasure and/or orgasm for at least one of the partners). On top of that, both these "asexual" partners are also antisexual. Like they think their reasons for having sex are sooooo different than a the drooling beasts who want to fuck based on appreance that it somehow makes them "not sexual". But yeah, not all sexual people look at others and want to fuck them. They still desire sex for pleasure and intimacy though.. maybe with someone they love or even a stranger at a bar (just depends on the sexual - they choose sexual partners for a variety of reasons). It's often the sex they desire, and what the person *looks* like is often secondary if it's a factor at all. Yet many on AVEN have this idea that sexual people look at others and want to fuck them based on this special feeling they get about the others appearance or whatever. No. They certainly don't all experience that. What they *do* all have in common is that to some extent or another, they desire partnered sex for sexual and/or emotional pleasure. And this isn't just some theory I have, I've actually been *listening* to many sexual people on this site trying to explain sexuality to asexuals. They'd know better than anyone else what it means to be sexual. It's time the rest of AVEN starts listening too. EDIT: im on my phone and for some reason the quote comletely crapped out. Will fix it up when i get on comp. Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Dunno, haven't had a chance to try. My thoughts: If I am content sharing a bed with some awesome asexual for 2 weeks, I might be asexual too. If that "asexual" suddenly decides to try sex with me for non-reproductive reasons, I'll play along. - I'm defining as indifferent. Should demand exceed my tollerance (or vice versa?), we'll probably have a problem. Attempting to answer the "foreplay" questions. - I'm pretty open about my mindset, although not outing myself as asexual. - I make it known that I rather have no condoms than no girlfriend. After fixing / sorting that issue, I'll still need to double (triple? / perma?) check: "Do you really want to?" Side note: While it seemed manageable to somehow please somebody I loved a few years ago, I of course don't know how being around another person will feel like. "No, sorry, find somebody else" might happen. - I'm feeling probably old enough to hide behind "ED"... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Hi OP :) for what it's worth, I'm thinking of one day having full sex with my asexual partner and I am definitely asexual. I do not *desire* it for itself. But I am a bit curious about what it would be like (I'm sure it would be very loving and cuddly and cute). Plus we might one day want a kid and if we do, we will want to actually make the kiddo ourselves ^^ We have done some sexual stuff together before. Manual, oral (mostly me receiving). It felt nice. I'd do that again occasionally. We get cuddly and sometimes it gets us aroused and when it does, we're comfortable enough with each other that we don't have to jump apart and go deal with it or cool off separately. So we can take care of it together. That way we can keep snuggling =3 I loooove the snuggles. And yes. I'm still asexual. I definitely don't desire the sexual stuff like I desire the cuddles. No cuddles would make me feel starved and unhappy. No sexual stuff would make me... probably not even notice there's no sexual stuff going on XD I'd be totally nonplussed. By the way, when I want to imagine how a sexual person feels about sex with their partner, I just have to picture how I feel about cuddles with my partner Not labelling you personally, but just pointing out that terms like "grey asexual" and "demisexual" exist for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Hobbes∞ Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 If someone is desiring sex and having sex, they're clearly not asexual, regardless of whatever the purple banner which most people seem to disagree with™ says. Think of how the poor banner feels hearing that. It can see you up there, slagging it off in italics. Whatever happened to good manners~ Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 She's invalidating The Banner, Hobbes. How much more against the TOS can you get ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Two asexuals could try sex out of curiosity. Link to post Share on other sites
elizabethdewitt Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 *takes popcorn out of microwave* so this is what AVEN can be like? I'm down for this entertainment. Link to post Share on other sites
Kanenas Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 I think some people had hoped for less arguing and I know I am one of them. I have views on this, too. But no experience. I did not ask for views, but for the experience I personally lack. We hear what sex between sexual people and sex in an asexual-sexual setting can be like. Sex between asexual people happens. No, it is not the most common occurence on this planet earth. But I am sure some members here have made interesting experiences. Those should be discussed. Not the validity of the people who made them. Then again, I vividly remember the days on the AVEN when you could ask a question and expect an answer and not arguments, be it on-topic or irrelevant ones, from people who seem to have a little too much time on their hands. Link to post Share on other sites
Hobbes∞ Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 If someone is desiring sex and having sex, they're clearly not asexual, regardless of whatever the purple banner which most people seem to disagree with™ says. She's invalidating The Banner, Hobbes. How much more against the TOS can you get ;-) You know what...hey, you know what...Jameseh is right...who does the banner think it is?! Dictating to us?! MUTINY! I CALL FOR MUTINY! *swings comically large cutlass* Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical purple-hued placard! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 I think some people had hoped for less arguing and I know I am one of them. I have views on this, too. But no experience. I did not ask for views, but for the experience I personally lack. We hear what sex between sexual people and sex in an asexual-sexual setting can be like. Sex between asexual people happens. No, it is not the most common occurence on this planet earth. But I am sure some members here have made interesting experiences. Those should be discussed. Not the validity of the people who made them. Then again, I vividly remember the days on the AVEN when you could ask a question and expect an answer and not arguments, be it on-topic or irrelevant ones, from people who seem to have a little too much time on their hands. Some people just actually care that the label asexual *means* something, strange but true. I mean, if all gay men only desired sex with women and had no interest in sex with men at all, "gay" would be a pointless label because any gay man would just a straight man in denial. Same is true for asexuality. Some people care that the label is taken seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Artistofnoname Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Seems like it would possibly be quite mundane and awkward. But then heck I wouldn't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 She's invalidating The Banner, Hobbes. How much more against the TOS can you get ;-) Jameseh is a he, not a she :p Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Hi OP :) for what it's worth, I'm thinking of one day having full sex with my asexual partner and I am definitely asexual. I do not *desire* it for itself. But I am a bit curious about what it would be like (I'm sure it would be very loving and cuddly and cute). Plus we might one day want a kid and if we do, we will want to actually make the kiddo ourselves ^^ This is pretty much how I'd imagine sex between asexuals coming up. That's certainly what I'd do, at least, right now knowing what I know, and having experienced what I've experienced. It's pure intellectual curiosity. People are welcome to call bullshit on that if they want, but I know who I am and how I feel. And if somewhere down the line, I'm with someone and start having feelings like "omg I really want to get in this persons pants and sex them good", then I will happily...happily stop calling myself asexual. But right now, that's simply not the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical purple-hued placard! Dennis! There's some lovely definitions over here! And you're the invalidator, Pan... Link to post Share on other sites
Holy Ghost Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 Seems like it would possibly be quite mundane and awkward. But then heck I wouldn't know. indeed, there would be physical arousal but it would be very boring as you said. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 I would be fairly comfortable trying out sex with another asexual person, because I know I wouldn't deeply offend them if I said "I'm bored, let's stop" or started laughing for no reason partway through. Because I know from experience that those things can deeply offend sexual people... ;) Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 or started laughing for no reason partway through. ...or crying Link to post Share on other sites
Kanenas Posted July 4, 2016 Author Share Posted July 4, 2016 You laugh or you cry. Might as well cry from laughing. It seems like it would be a safer environment for those who are not sexually experienced. Emotionally, as Snow Cone says. I think two asexual people would know how to take it if it didn't work out, instead of interpreting it as rejection or failure. And then they'd figure out if they will leave it at that or maybe even if they wanted to try again without any hangups whatsoever. I think either result would be okay for an asexual individual or couple and that's nice. Seems like it would possibly be quite mundane and awkward. But then heck I wouldn't know. indeed, there would be physical arousal but it would be very boring as you said. " - Are you comfortable? We'll have to see. - Do you like that? I don't know? - What do you feel? Many things." :lol: No fireworks, eh? Not even a spark? Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 or started laughing for no reason partway through. ...or crying Thanks to AVEN I don't think I'd cry about this anymore, as I know there are others like me...who would be amused by my experience if I told them about it :P Link to post Share on other sites
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