Hello there.

[Guignol]

My name is Guignol, I have recently come out of a 20 year relationship with a most wonderful woman, who remains my best friend, or so I have learned from 'youtube' would be termed a 'queer platonic' relationship owing to our continued physical affection for each other(non sexual).

I am trying to ascertain wether I am asexual, as I have 3 children, I have been capable of having sex in the past, but only with the Mother of my children. Prior relationships have fell apart at the point of sexual contact as I have been repulsed by the sensory output of the woman in addition to having no real desire to connect physically with them in the first place.

I remember, years ago, as a young man, dreading having to engage in physical relationships, hoping and praying that the 'animal' (biological imperative) would kick in and enable me to 'do the deed', this never happened. Not being interested in sex was unheard of and even frowned upon back then. Coming away from a sexual encounter having performed badly or not at all was a knock to to one's imagined self esteem about this matter. One had to feign interest in order to be part of the crowd.

Now that my sexual relationship is over, in truth it had been over for a long time (down to me), I am rediscovering things about myself that had been hidden by my strong desire to adapt myself to my partner.

I thoroughly enjoy the ascetic beauty of females, males and everyone in between, but with females there is the tiniest, most microscopic, so slight it could easily be missed, nudge from a sexual part of my being, but there is no desire to act on it, and actual disgust if allow my mind to thoroughly explore the possibility.

Having watched many a YouTube video on the subject, it does appear that I may be asexual, if this is so, then what a relief!! I am not an alien.

[Zorc]

Welcome to Aven~

[goldenandbroken]

Hi there and welcome to AVEN! I'm so glad you found us :) It's never too late to discover something about yourself and you seem to be managing quite well. I hope being here is helpful to you in some way, don't be afraid to ask questions if you need anything

[Silk Bones]

Hello Guignol, Welcome to AVEN!

I must give you my apologies for all that you've been through, especially with your recent relationship. You're a very strong being for all that you've been through and I hope that as of today and moving forward through the future, you'll find true happiness as time passes by. I also hope that you'll find a liking to being here, there are tons of friendly and welcoming people here on this forum with an endless amount of answers to any problems or questions you may have. ^_^

Enjoy the rest of your day and the best of wishes to you, Cheers!

[Parmenides]

Welcome! You are right we are not alien even if the society push us to think so.

[Lord of the nerds]

Hi, and welcome to AVEN! I know there is a long list of asexual variations somewhere, but I by no means have any part of it memorized. Perhaps you will find an accurate description there. Whether or not you find this, just remember, no matter the orientation, you are welcome!

[Guignol]

Thank you people, it is quite the eye opener, we do live in a very strange information dense time indeed, I never knew what I was had a name, I just thought I was really weird, but I imagine that is what most asexual folk feel from my generation and beyond. I do derive a great deal of pleasure from viewing what I consider beautiful, which is not gender specific, so much pleasure in fact that it surpasses any sexual experience I have ever had. Physical contact is also very important too. It is most odd to be able to acknowledge this now. I do wonder, if others feel that sex is somehow equivalent to ruining a work of art by defecating on it?