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Possibly romantic...


Zorc

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I know I've posted about this crap before, but it's bothering me again... And I think I could really do with some harsh words right now, because I really need to know if I should hate myself for this or not. I have this friend and I know that I love her, but... I don't know if that love is platonic or romantic. I've always suspected that it might be more than platonic, but I've always had other distractions or just brushed it off as not worth trying to label and left it at that. She is a WTFromantic sex-repulsed asexual and I'm a greyaromantic demisexual. She's had one boyfriend and has never been kissed, while I've fucked and cheated on enough people to have a reputation that means no one would believe me if I told them that I was greyaro or demi. We've known each other since we were kids and I used to make fun of her when she said that she didn't like anyone until one day I got curious and found Aven. I've never directly mentioned my orientation to her, but I think that she at least suspects... It's also quite possible that she may have overheard that one time I got really drunk and mentioned it to some of our mutual friends. I've pined romantically over girls that it would've never happened with before, I've been in love and in a relationship before, I've been tormented by not being able to return romantic feelings for my partner before... But I've never experienced romantic attraction without sexual attraction before. When I think about what it would be like to be with her, I don't think of her sexually at all... Even if she turned around and asked me to do her I don't think that I'd want to, which leads me to conclude that I am not sexually attracted to her even if she is aesthetically appealing. I don't think that I'd want to kiss her either, unless she really wanted me to... And even then it would only be because she wanted it, though that's highly unlikely in the first place. The thought of her letting me hug and/or cuddle her though, is enough to make me blush and give me butterflies. And I never blush... I'm the kind of guy that sits though both funerals and hardcore porn with a completely straight face.

I get jealous over other friends seeming to be closer to her than me.

I'm a self-righteous ass who does as he pleases, but she can stop me from doing the wrong thing and make me want to be a better person with just one look.

I've felt my stomach drop and been frozen with silent terror at the possibility of her moving away.

I worry constantly about her leaving me behind in life.

I started a running joke about her marrying for money when we were kids, but the last time it got brought up it hurt. There was a pain in my chest and I think she noticed too...

I never have the heart to turn her away, even when I want nothing more to be alone I force myself to be sociable. I don't do that for anyone else... And I'm thankful that she forces me to be sociable, because gods know I have a habit of driving everyone away and isolating myself.

I feel guilty about how happy it makes me when she says that my house smells like home or buys me things when it's not my birthday (She's the stingiest person I've ever met!)

And I want so badly to hear her say that I really mean something to her, even though I already know that I do.

So, tell me... Am I in love with her? Be cause if that's the case, I've been in denial for about eight years and have no idea how to deal with that.

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Ever thought it might be just a thing in between? You can just love a friend really bad and sort of want them "for yourself" like in a relationship or at least be as attached, and still not want them romantically or sexually. I think that stuff just happens sometimes, if you're aro or demi or allo or you identify as a potato.. (like guys having guy crushes lol, it only seems unusual because no one says it.)

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I have thought about it being something in between, but it's like trying to put a square peg in a round hole... Even if it seems like that might be where it goes, it keeps popping back out because it clearly doesn't fit.

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goldenandbroken

I cannot speak for you and cannot tell you how you feel. I can't define your feelings for you, only you can do that.

But man reading that, sounds like you're in love, hook line and sinker.

It's very possible to have a close relationship (I'm not going to define anything) firstly without sex and secondly even without physical things such as kissing. I can see very easily how you're confused over these feelings, because I could say I'm a very cuddly person and am often very cuddly with people I'd never see as anything more than friends. But I could never say I feel the way about them as you seem to feel about this girl.

You're going to hate my advice - talk to her. Tell her how you feel, tell her everything you just told me. Talk to her about the possibilities of having a closer relationship and how she feels about you. If you're really struggling to communicate with her then you could even show her what you wrote here to kickstart some discussions. Unless you want to live like this for another 8 years your only option is to talk to her. If she really is your friend and cares about you then as long as you have an open and honest discussion about it your friendship will be fine, no matter what happens.

Hope that helped :)

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I feared that might be the case... I'm not a cuddly person by anyone's standards. I'm also a little bit drunk rn... But you're right, I will resolve to take your advice when I'm sober and able to gather up the courage.

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Sage Raven Domino

talk to her.

This is the most solid advice imo.

It doesn't matter what words are used to describe a relationship... it matters a lot how well the partners understand each other and what concrete steps they agree to make together. Every relationship is too unique.

Good luck with the girl who's possibly the girl of your life, Zorc! :cake:

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  • 3 weeks later...

Update: Talking to her about it went how I thought it would... She's too good of a person to hate me for it, but I'm getting paranoid because I haven't seen her in a while. This would be so much easier if she would just hate me for it...

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