Do you think people really equate sex with love?

[dissolved]

Or are they just far too entwined for your average person to tease apart?

Purely pursuing one night stands isn't all that common (especially once out of your teens and early 20s and assuming you're not aromantic), and people generally have sex within relationships where the participants care about one another (there are of course, always people who are exceptions to general rules).

Take your average couple getting together: they share some interests, maybe aesthetically catch one another's eye etc, get a-talking and want to spend more time together... get closer, both emotionally and physically speaking... sexual activity for your average sexual couple will increase emotional closeness, and they'll quite likely fall in love in their own time frames. At this stage, a couple has sex not only because they enjoy and desire it, but because it brings them closer together. It's a bonding experience etc etc and all that jazz.

So where does this amalgamation of sex and love come from? It's not as if love is an accidental consequence of sexual relationships - people are well aware that love is possible, incredibly likely, even, when you get so close to someone (again, emotionally and physically). So is it that people cannot distinguish sex and love, or that they pursue sex in the hope of falling in love?

[Lord Jade Cross]

Ive heard of both sides of the coin. Some people can tell and even separate the two while others (apparently the seeming majority) cannot. Or at least thats how every divorce Ive seen goes.

But since I dont really understand much neither the sexual or romantic mindset, someone else might be able to answer with a better response.

[Snao Cone]

I'd imagine once there's both, it's harder to separate them from each other. Love gets woven in with other things too, like trust and security and support. All of those can exist in a relationship without love, but when they are present in a romantic relationship it's kind of all one thing...or so I understand. For sexual people, sex is also a part of that.

[binary suns]

I don't think they equate it so much as, the two are just that linked. like, we don't say that a human equals the clothes they wear, but when we think of people they are always clothed, so clearly they are the "same thing". it's similar to that. so maybe, to some it is the same. but it is not the same as in the same concept. they won't notice the times and ways it is different, but it will be, at somepoint, not the same for them.

so yeah, people just don't notice the differences all the time, but I mean, that's kind of a necessary thing. there is so much in this world, if we couldn't abstract and group, then we'd just be staring at so much data we couldn't process any of it.

edit: and @ divorce over sex - well sex is obv. important for that person, and all that's going on is they don't have the experience listening to their emotions to know to express the true reason. they say "i don't love you anymore" but it is deeper than that, simplified. ...they can tell that the love isn't the same. just because they don't know to express that doesn't mean they don't feel that way. and it certainly doesn't mean they're dumb or assholes or none of that either, because we all have skills we care about more than others. just because they don't have a expert level of self-reflection doesn't mean anything other than they just self-reflect enough to get by ok, that's just part of who they are.

[SorryNotSorry]

Strange, I've NEVER had a problem understanding the difference between sex and love.

My 2¢ is that maybe people who think there's no difference are just being narrow-minded and unimaginative.

[Mike_Rophone]

I looked this up today, and I learned something interesting. I'll summarize it for you.

There was a God in Greek mythology named Eros, and he was the son of Aprhodite, Goddess of love. Eros was basically the Greek equivalent Cupid. The reason I am telling you this is because Eros is the first part of the wrod that erotic derives from, Erotikos.

So basically, yes, somewhat.

TL;DR(A summary of my summary) Eros is relationship love, and erotic derives from Eros.

Hope this random comment means something!

[DragonflytotheMoon]

I never have. To me, sex without friendship, a strong intellectual & emotional connection, affection and/or romance (all that I have with my husband), is just experiencing & satisfying animal instincts, base desires, primal urges. For me, any form of sexual intimacy, without all of the other, is just empty & meaningless. Which is why, I never enjoyed it with anyone, except, my husband. Now that I understand I'm a demi rom & grace, it all makes sense.

[binary suns]

piggybacking mike: that is exactly true as well! sex is love. so is romance. so is platonic love. so is, just, love. they are all love. they feel a lot the same, so they aren't so different really.

[Éadweard]

Yes. They do. I talk with them every day.

[chubby turtle]

If you can have sex without love, you can have love without sex. Most people just prefer that sex and love go together.

[songchick]

I have had sex with people, mostly out of boredom. Having sex with a person automatically causes me to intensely dislike them. They become something that I want to cut out of my life. I've never been able to be in a relationship because of this. Of course... these experiences were with men, and I'm not much inclined towards them much anymore. I probably was not back then either, but I was younger and less self-aware at the time.

[Philip027]

I see it more as a "all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares" sort of thing.

I think sex without love works out perfectly fine in the minds of many people (if not, stuff like prostitution wouldn't have been around for as long as it has), but try to do it the other way around and a lot more people seem to start 404 erroring.

[Telecaster68]

try to do it the other way around and a lot more people seem to start 404 erroring

Only if you're exclusively talking about paired bonding type love. Otherwise, everybody (even your teenage horndog) accepts love for family and friends doesn't involve sex. It's just the pairing-up type love where 99% of the population expects* sex.

*Expects in the sense of expecting the sun to come up in the morning, not expects in the sense people are expected to be at work on time.

[Philip027]

Only if you're exclusively talking about paired bonding type love.

I was, yeah. Sorry that wasn't clear

[Rising Sun]

Do you think people really equate sex with love?

I'm wondering almost exactly the same but not about sex, but about limerence. Too many things are confused with love. Limerent feelings, first.

[Telecaster68]

I think the emotional aspect of limerence - the excitement and eagerness - is to do with realising that the relationship has the potential to be something a lot deeper, and then as you find out more about the pros and cons of them as a person, it calms into something more steady, but deeper.

[Rising Sun]

I think the emotional aspect of limerence - the excitement and eagerness - is to do with realising that the relationship has the potential to be something a lot deeper, and then as you find out more about the pros and cons of them as a person, it calms into something more steady, but deeper.

Not necessarily. In many school crushes, in "creepy" crushes, in all the stories about secret admirers, there is no potential for a relationship (or extremely tiny potential) at best. It's merely puppy love, but it's sometimes strangely idealized and heavily distorted much later in life, in midlife crisis and later, as if that could be nostalgic "true love". It seems like a tragedy to admit that the first intense crush that happened some 30 years earlier (for a barely known classmate or a celebrity) was very likely to be merely attraction and nothing deeper than that. People are willing to move on from their past relationships sooner or later, but they're rarely willing to ever move on from a first crush that was more hormonal and much shallower than their later relationships that were more stable and deeper.

[Telecaster68]

I was talking about grown ups. I know what you mean about the 'first love' being more like a crush, but like 'first' everything it's intense because it's new. I think most people file it as a great memory sooner or later.

[Pengwyn]

From what I've seen, most people do know the difference between sex and love. They appreciate that you can have sex without love, but many people find it difficult to imagine romantic love without a desire for sex, unless the people in question are old. To many people, they're like chickens and roosters. Not all chickens are roosters, but (almost) all roosters are chickens.