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Happy Anniversary: Marriage "Equality"


JAKQ7111

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So, this weekend marked the one-year anniversary of same-sex marriage becoming legal across the United States. I have been seeing lots of LGBTQ media sources sharing posts talking about the anniversary, talking about how monumental a victory this is, saying that "love wins" or "love is love" as means of justification for this celebration. I know that this is a big victory for equal rights in the US, and lots of my LGBTQ friends are celebrating their win, but I'm not exactly in the celebrating spirit.

I am polyamorous, and I make no secret of this, both on- and offline. As such, the marriage "equality" movement has done absolutely eff-all for me and my kin, and that greatly upsets me. Marriage is hardly equal when monogamy still reigns supreme, and that is why the "love wins" rhetoric irritates me so much. It might as well say "love wins, but you have to pick one person to love", or "love is love, as long as it's between only two people". I'm in two relationships right now, with the hopes of entering a third soon, and there would be no way for me to celebrate my love for both/all of my loves with the marriage system as it stands right now, and the legal benefits and protection that come with marriage licenses might as well have a big "screw you, polys" clause in there. I just wish people cared about the rights of poly people the way they do about monogamous LGBTQ people, at least enough to start a new movement off the heels of the last one. I have sworn to myself that I will never get married until they legalize polyamorous marriage, and I plan to hold firm to that. The last thing I want to do is make a promise to one partner when I can't make that same promise to both/all of my partners.

"Love is love", my behind. Love is only celebrated/legally rewarded if it's monogamous. Are there any other poly people who feel alienated by marriage "equality" as it stands right now? Do you think a poly marriage movement could gain any sort of traction, or should I give up?

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I honestly don't understand the massive hang up on the word 'marriage'. Why is everyone so keen on it, people with no religious or spiritual inclinations? It surely can't just be the legal benefits? (I don't actually know what the legal benefits are other than not being allowed to testify against each other in a court but I assume it's more than that)

Though that would be, as far as I see it, the main obstacle in the way of legalising polyamorous marriages. Just as people have in the past exploited civil partnership laws for financial or social reasons despite not being in a relationship, it would be all too easy to exploit the rights to marry several times for the tax related benefits. The main opposition to gay marriage was politicians and citizens with strict values against such a thing; when the main opposition to a bill becomes the threat of financial loss to anyone in power (ie. them people in that fancy big house who's wages are in fact your taxes) then I feel like you're going up against a brick wall.

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Ive always thought that if people can make a mulit-person relationship work, they damn well deserve to be together in the eyes of the law. And after the court ruled for same-sex marriage, there were people who started to get multi-person marriage legal. The main problem is one of perception, anything outside the norm and people just freak out. Though it doesnt help you much right now, just know that time will eventually side with the right side, even if they have to drag the bigots along.

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