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Using a name that's different than your legal one / Changing my name


Finn.

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So, I've been invited to this "welcoming" thing. And as it turns out because of scheduling issues, it's already happening in 10 days. Aaaaah, really.

(It also mean I have to have this long drive there and have to book a room somewhere and meet so many new people which comes with all sorts of anxiety)

I'm leaning towards going with my birth name, just because it's safe and I'm used to it. But at the same time I get huge gender euphoria being called Finn. It just seems weird when I imagine myself saying I prefer to be called Finn to my future colleagues? Ugh.

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I understand the anxiety. Ultimately, it's entirely up to you! For what it's worth though, I'm cheering you on no matter what you choose. And it's often easier to just introduce yourself with a preferred name rather than having people learn your birth name and then having to change...

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So, I've been invited to this "welcoming" thing. And as it turns out because of scheduling issues, it's already happening in 10 days. Aaaaah, really.

(It also mean I have to have this long drive there and have to book a room somewhere and meet so many new people which comes with all sorts of anxiety)

I'm leaning towards going with my birth name, just because it's safe and I'm used to it. But at the same time I get huge gender euphoria being called Finn. It just seems weird when I imagine myself saying I prefer to be called Finn to my future colleagues? Ugh.

Do you know the people you will be meeting? If not, then use your preferred name. To them, they'll only know you as Finn. It'd be weirder to use your real name, then later on down the road, request to be called Finn.

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So I visited my future work place. Everybody seemed nice, I liked the kindergarten. I saw that name tags will be a thing. Mmh. I was introduced with my birth name, it's all on a first name base there. I kind of felt indifferent? But could also be due to my gender yesterday. I don't know, it didn't throw me off. Maybe it's just a thing I can use as a tool to seperate work me from private me. I don't know.

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Well, if it doesn't bother you then it's probably fine ^_^ However, I understand the struggles of being fluid, so I hope it remains this way but at the same time if it does become painful perhaps the name tags will make it even easier! You can just change your name tag one day, and say that you feel like being Finn today instead of [birth name]. Kids are super versatile with things like that. They'll accept most explanations, even if they can get a little questioning.

It's possible I'm being too optimistic of course. It's all up to you in the end, but congrats on your first day on the job!! :cake:

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Thank you! I felt quite comfortable even though it's all new. But I seem to have gained lots of self-assurance in the last three years of trainingship anyway, go me.

I don't think the kids would be a problem either. It would even make things easier going by Finn because somebody else has the same name birth-name-wise as I do. But it's sort of an official name tag which I would've to have changed with the knowledge of my superior to fit another name. And it would make me feel vulnerable with my colleagues, I don't know. I feel like the only queer person there in whatever sense, but of course I could be wrong (I'd prefer to be wrong).

But maybe the whole name dysphoria thing is just lessening a bit? My body dysphoria lessened over time after it peaked when I realized I am nonbinary (or maybe my focus simply shifted). Since I have been doing my final exams recently I've been called by my birth name a lot at school and it was fine. So fingers crossed =)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sorry for bringing this back two weeks later, but I wanted to mention that in my experience (as a German), the mailperson will not deliver anything unless it's addressed to your legal name. I once bought something online and some doofus at the retailer wrote a totally wrong name on it. They didn't even attempt to deliver it, it just went straight back to the retailer. (Not fun when it's coming from Japan. At least they paid to have it shipped back to me...)

So yeah. Maybe you'll get lucky and get a lenient mailperson, but in my experience you'll only get your deliveries with your legal name, as much as that sucks. :(

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Really? That sucks. In Canada, it's the complete opposite; they will typically deliver the package to the address, regardless of what name is on it. Which means I get a lot of other people's mail typically, because I move a lot and rent. So I get the last tenants' mail all the time, sometimes from people who haven't lived there in like two or three years. It's illegal for me to open someone else's mail, and the accepted procedure is to mark it as "RTS" or "Return to Sender" and put it back in the mailbox if it's not mine. But I could get a package sent to me with whatever name in it I want, and as long as the address is correct, it will make it.

I'm curious as to how they know who lives where? If I address a package to someone that just moved into a new place, for example, how would they know if it was your legal name or not? The mail service can't possibly keep track of where every single person lives, that seems like so much effort for very little return.

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In the U.S. it's shipped by address too. My friend ordered me one of those weird unicorn masks for my birthday, and it arrived in a packaged addressed to "Vladamir[sic] Putin [surname]" instead of my actual name :lol:

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Okay so I checked the website and they don't tell me anything about this matter. And for me to ask anyone that question I would have to call which is too expensive with my cellphone for me currently. I'm considering to just go to our biggest post station in the city and ask as if I would want to mail a friend that is trans and changed their name (not legally) something and if it will work with a different first name than it says on the mail box.

But i'm in the middle of finals and moving. So I will do it after all of thath.

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When I was younger me and my friends used to call us by our nicknames (Nitrous for me), or a short way of it, I have been NITROUS GTR from years ago lmao. So I'm "Nitrous" but that was just a funny thingy at high school

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Lightning Blue Ray

I'm starting uni applications and the email I'm using has my birth name. I'm currently signing off with my birth name when I email my teachers and anyone else in formal situations, and I'm using my birth name to complete applications. In uni, however, I hope to go by my preferred name.

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Where I'm from (Eastern US) mail gets delivered regardless of the name, which is a good thing because I have a brother who doesn't go by his legal name. So I would guess if you're in the US it shouldn't be a problem.

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Calligraphette_Coe

Where I'm from (Eastern US) mail gets delivered regardless of the name, which is a good thing because I have a brother who doesn't go by his legal name. So I would guess if you're in the US it shouldn't be a problem.

That's my experience, too. I often use the zip code + 4 number as part of my address that I give people, and I've gotten mail in the same mailbox under 3 different names. As long as you're not using an alias to commit fraud, nobody really cares. Your mileage may vary, though. I do know however, that it's become a lot more difficult to open checking and financial accounts under different names since 2001. It used to be all you had to have in the way of pictures were the dead president portraits on the currency.

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Okay so I checked the website and they don't tell me anything about this matter. And for me to ask anyone that question I would have to call which is too expensive with my cellphone for me currently. I'm considering to just go to our biggest post station in the city and ask as if I would want to mail a friend that is trans and changed their name (not legally) something and if it will work with a different first name than it says on the mail box.

But i'm in the middle of finals and moving. So I will do it after all of thath.

I'm positive that your first name should not be a problem.

Just put your last name onto the letterbox. And even if your first name were on the letterbox the postperson would probably assume that Finn is related to [insert birth name]

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  • 1 month later...

 

Update: My lovely roommate that moved in two weeks earlier than me just simply put our last names on the mailbox and nameplate, so that's that. And I started only putting my last name as the addressor on letters and stuff as well. And when I have to fill out forms and such that ask for my gender (male/female) I just don't check either box, so far no one complained. It's possible they just check it as female themselves later but at least I didn't misgender myself then.

Oh, and her aunt knows about my "nickname" now and it was no big deal. It's great, my roommate can call me Finn in her presence now . She's really getting the hang of my new name, it's the best feeling that she uses it so casually.

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This sounds in many ways like the best case scenario. I'm so happy things are going so well for you right now Finn! :cake:

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  • 1 month later...

I'm in a pickle. I have a coworker who has the same (birth)name as me. That causes some misunderstandings at work. Now she and our boss want to "figure something out" to solve the confusion. Like. I would know of a simple solution. Call me by my "nickname". The only thing holding me back is that Finn is a traditionally male name and I am afraid they will just reject it. Like, that it would be too weird to use it at work, especially with the kid's parents and all. And that would hurt my feelings. What do you think? Just go for it and propose it as my "new name"? I just feel pretty vulnerable when it comes to this.

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I'd give it a try. If you don't, you'll never know if they really would reject it.

If you say it like this is a nickname you've had for a while they might accept it, maybe without questioning it much (don't expect to not get a comment). Nicknames are often weird. I know people with nicknames like Senf (engl. mustard), Toklab (has no meaning) or Urlaub (engl. holidays/vacation).

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I guess you never know until you try. If you're worried about resistance, you can try practising or formulating "objection handling" phrases in your mind. For example, if they object, you could always say "Well, it's been my nickname for a long time and my friends call me by it, so I'm very used to responding to it. More so even than [birthname]. It would be the easiest for me."

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  • 2 months later...

i AM NOT IN GERMANY

Necessary: Whenever legal/formal discussion, use your real name. Like passport, job interview. Food delivery and electric bills that requires credit cards.

Authorities might think you have derogatory records, or you might have derogatory records, because you said a different name on the phone, and the card has a different name too. You might be charged with robbery, or illegal use of name.


But when you are with friends, just go with Finn.Its your nickname.

 

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This thread has been locked. It is old and I'm sure the OP has gotten the advice they wanted. If you'd like to carry on the conversation feel free to start a new thread.

 

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