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Attracted to males, but am I "straight?"


TimberWolfPrime

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TimberWolfPrime

Greetings,

I don't know where to post this, so I thought this forum might work.

So I recently discovered my asexuality and I have been doing research to learn more about myself and my romantic orientation as well. I've never experienced romantic orientation, but I think I'm demiromantic... Anyways, I do find people aesthetically pleasing and would one day hope to form a romantic relationship with some one. The thing is I find males more aesthetically pleasing than females. However, I find myself also looking at trans men and male presenting individuals and find many of them aesthetically pleasing, and i would potentially date anyone who is "male if I formed such a relationship.

Would this make me Demi-heteromantic? Or would I be Demi-queerromantic? Or some other term?

I understand that I can't be labeled, but the aesthetic attraction (just generally finding one cute, and doing nothing else beyond that thought) I have felt has made me wonder what my "attraction" is called. Any advice or thoughts are appreciated. Thank you!

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Aesthetic attraction alone is not romantic attractionan an indicator of a romantic orientation. Wishing you were normal doesn't mean you have romantic attractionan isn't an indicator of a romantic orientation. Thinking you could date someone (even after a bond) isn't romantic attraction an indicator of a romantic orientation.

You may be aromantic.

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God of the Forest

I'm not really into labels but, I respectfully disagree with

Aesthetic attraction alone is not romantic attraction. Wishing you were normal doesn't mean you have romantic attraction. Thinking you could date someone (even after a bond) isn't romantic attraction.

You may be aromantic.

I respectfully disagree, and here is why; aromantics "simply have no instinctual need to develop connections of a romantic nature", click here for the full definition

@TimberWolfPrime, if you desire to form a romantic connection and just have not experienced it yet, youre still "allowed" to be romantic or demiromantic ;)

It sounds to me like you are either Demi-androromantic or just Androromantic which basically means you are attracted to masculinity or masculine presenting people. I hope that helps :D

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If you are a woman and you are attracted exclusively to men (yes this includes trans men) then you would be straight (or heteromantic, however you would prefer to label it that way). Since you have never experienced attraction it is a bit trickier, and you would not be "straight" just for being aesthetically attracted to men; you could be romantically attracted to women even if you are generally more aesthetically attracted to men.

But anyway if you identify as demi and could only see yourself in relationships with men, I think demi-hetero would work fine. If you aren't sure, you could just drop the gender prefix and use demi-romantic asexual.

Also welcome to the forum! I see that you live in Minnesota and I want to let you know that we actually have an asexual group here. I just had the chance to meet the organizer at TC pride today (they are at the BOP booth and will be there tomorrow as well) and am planning on attending more events with the group, so I can direct you to that if it sounds like something you'd be interested in.

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I don't see where what i said doesn't mean this person couldn't be aromantic. Wanting to be normal or not alone is exactly that, not a romantic orientation indicator. Thinking you could date/get along with someone isn't a romantic orientation indicator, DESIRING a romantic relationship or FEELING romantically about someone is.

Secondly, if the OP does desire romantic relationships but has never experienced attraction (which is called Cupioromantic; a type of Gray-romantic), or doesn't actually know they only desire to be in such relationships friends, then no, they cannot know they're demi prior. Theory and actuality are two different things and an orientation should be based on facts and not maybe's.

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I don't see where what i said doesn't mean this person couldn't be aromantic. Wanting to be normal or not alone is exactly that, not a romantic orientation indicator. Thinking you could date/get along with someone isn't a romantic orientation indicator, DESIRING a romantic relationship or FEELING romantically about someone is.

Well, OP does say she hopes (desires?) to form a romantic relationship.

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God of the Forest

Indeed you are correct, however if you look at the OP

I do find people aesthetically pleasing and would one day hope to form a romantic relationship with some one.

I don't see where what i said doesn't mean this person couldn't be aromantic. Wanting to be normal or not alone is exactly that, not a romantic orientation indicator. Thinking you could date/get along with someone isn't a romantic orientation indicator, DESIRING a romantic relationship or FEELING romantically about someone is.

She herself stated she hopes to form a romantic relationship

** I didnt disagree with you just to start a conflict, I just think we all need to be a little more careful with the advice we give, I disagreed simply because I didn't think it was accurate and could possibly steer the OP in the wrong direction.

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Yes, but for what reason, because it's normal, because she doesn't wanna be alone, because she actually desires a QPR but only knows of romantic relationships, etc.? Which, as said, don't make someone romantic. In fact, aros entering romantic relationships can be bad; they can end up getting themselves into a rat's nest of trouble, and I'm just trying to help the OP avoid that.

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God of the Forest

Yes, but for what reason, because it's normal, because she doesn't wanna be alone, because she actually desires a QPR but only knows of romantic relationships, etc.? Which, assaid, don't make someone romantic. In fact, aros entering romantic relationships can be bad; they can end up getting themselves into a rat's nest of trouble, and I'm just trying to help the OP avoid that.

I understand, and its really considerate and kind of you to go out of your way to help someone avoid pain. But, no where in the OP did she say that she desired a romantic relationship to avoid being alone or to feel normal, all we can do is give advice based on the info we are given and not assume things, perhaps the OP can give us a little more context to clear it up? that would be great

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Correct, but i did go off of evidence. People are more likely to be aromantic when they've never experienced romantic attraction (and 'desiring' a romantic relationship for the wrong reasons) rather than actually cupioromantic, that's why i said she MAY be aromantic.

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Would this make me Demi-heteromantic? Or would I be Demi-queerromantic? Or some other term?

The first one sounds like a plausible label to me, yes.

The second is right out, because "a woman liking men, but not women" simply boils down to hetero... and that's not queer.

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TimberWolfPrime

I desire a relationship with someone that goes a bit beyond friendship. I want to connect to my partner on an emotional and romantic level. I want to love someone and have someone love me back...

This is what made me think I wasn't aromantic based on the description, however, since I'm new to the community And still learning I could be wrong. What made me think I could be demiromantic is that I am super shy and I don't open myself,up to others until I form a platonic relationship with them. Which I why I thought there might be the potential.... Anyway, I really appreciate the advice that each of you have given and I'm sorry if I made things confusing in my original post.

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I desire a relationship with someone that goes a bit beyond friendship. I want to connect to my partner on an emotional and romantic level. I want to love someone and have someone love me back...

This is what made me think I wasn't aromantic based on the description, however, since I'm new to the community And still learning I could be wrong. What made me think I could be demiromantic is that I am super shy and I don't open myself,up to others until I form a platonic relationship with them. Which I why I thought there might be the potential.... Anyway, I really appreciate the advice that each of you have given and I'm sorry if I made things confusing in my original post.

Don't worry about it! It is good to know all the options but if you think the label demiromantic works for you now then it's perfectly fine for you to use it (even if you have never been attracted to someone or even if you later choose to use the label aromantic).

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TimberWolfPrime

So, @Star Bit you got me curious and I decided to look up the definition of Cupio-romantic. As I never have heard of the term before and I haven't seen it on Aven. And wow, I was surprised at how that orientation just descibes me. Like once I read the definition it felt right... It gave me the same feeling as when I realized I was asexual...

Like when I read the demiromantic description I thought, yeah maybe that could be me. But when I read the cupioromantic it just felt right. Maybe I am demi but I think currently cupio descibes me best. So thank you for that. I of course will do more research on everything to learn more, but I think that orientation is what I'll use for now.

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TimberWolfPrime

To everyone who has posted, thank you for all the advise and comments. I really appreciate your help and for making me feel welcome and part of a community. Thank you again!

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You can be many types of Gray-romantic, and even just identify as that for simplicity. For example, combinging everything you said would look like Hetero-Demi-Cupioromantic or just Gray-heteroromantic.

Also, are you sure you desire a romantic relationship and not a queerplatonic relationship?

A queerplatonic relationship (or one sided, a 'queerplatonic squish' aka 'queerplatonic crush') is a platonic relationship that has (or is desired to have) the characteristic(s) associated with a romantic relationship (excluding sex and making out). It can be an importance/closeness stronger than the best friend norm and/or displaying platonic sensual contact above the norm (which depending on the culture may include chaste kissing, although a person preferring chaste kissing or no kissing does not make them aromantic). Or in short, "super best friends." They may or may not have monogamy, live together, have kids, or be mistaken for a couple. Romantics and Aromantics can have QPRs. An example would be Turk and JD from Scrubs.

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binary suns

. The thing is I find males more aesthetically pleasing than females. However, I find myself also looking at trans men and male presenting individuals and find many of them aesthetically pleasing, and i would potentially date anyone who is "male if I formed such a relationship.

it's probably as common for people to be attracted inclusively of trans genders as it is for them to not be attracted. there are some uncommonly used terms for either scenario, but I don't remember as it's easier for me just to remember hetero/homo/bi/a, lol.

so if you're a girl attracted to boys, then you're hetero, yup. if you do care to use the more specific term, it's out there, I don't remember it. but - and this is just my oppinion - I feel it's a little weird, as a transperson, to have people obsess over whether or not they're attracted to trans people. I don't want to be reminded that I'm trans by the person who's chasing after me - if they are attracted to me, I can see it in their eyes or hear it because they say things to try to express their interest. they don't need to be blunt and say "I'm attracted to trans people" that's kind of icky and weird for me to hear someone say as a way of propositioning my interest. so, I'd say just say you're straight and if anyone cares enough to want to know exactly how straight - it's up to you if you tell them.

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TimberWolfPrime

Star Bit, honestly I don't know. I like how both sound, and I'm open to both. However for years I've only known about romantic relationships and just thought that was my only option. But now I know that's not the case and I'm learning more about everything. Though at this point in my life I don't know if either will actually ever happen.. Oh well, I have plenty of years to figure that out if it ever does happen... Thank you for the information, I really appreciate it. :)

SwankyPants, I'm sorry if I came across as obsessive... That was not my intent... I was just looking for more information and wanted to be correct with terms and what not since I'm new and still learning... I didn't want to offend anyone which is why I wanted to see if there was a term that was correct and that would be all inclusive... I appreciate your response and thank you for your advise. :)

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