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Hello Everyone!


anzu2snow

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Hi! I'm just starting to realize that I might be asexual. A lot of what I've researched so far I could really relate to. I've always felt 'different', but didn't realize other people felt the same. I just thought eventually I would feel 'normal' about sex. I've thought I was straight most of my life. So, this is a new way of looking at it for me. I think I'm still heteroromantic, but I don't think about dating until someone brings it up. I've always thought I would date someone after becoming best friends with them. Don't normally think about the dating part right away. I most certainly do have some sort of strong attraction to men. I've had a boyfriend before, but in the 2 years we were together, I never wanted to 'go all the way'. I think this might have affected things a bit. He broke up with me in a pretty horrendous way several years ago, but never told me why. I do like sensations and such, but the idea of actual sex for some reason is just not for me. To me, it seems awkward, a little scary, oddly curious; but above all I just don't think about or want it. I keep thinking maybe eventually I will. I also have what some would think is a 'dirty' mind. But, I think thinking about it, and doing the real thing are 2 different things. I also don't see a guy in a sexual way when I see them. I might think they look really amazing physically if I haven't actually interacted with them, but I never think about having sex with them. Meanwhile, my friends throughout most of my life seem to be different...I certainly want to be close with a guy. Just pretty much everything, but have sex with them. Also, at the beginning of being with my ex, it took him telling me he loves me for me to think about dating him. We were becoming great friends for a couple of months beforehand. He also gave me an ultimatum: either tell him I loved him in a week, or I'd never see him again. I told him I loved him, not really sure, but didn't want to lose that connection. I think I eventually did fall for him, but I'm unsure. So, that part was weird in itself. Anyways, I'm unsure where I'd fall on the spectrum, but I'm pretty sure I'm asexual.

Oh, I probably should mention a few more other things about myself. :D I'm 31 years old. I'm an author of 2 published novels. Been a clarinetist since I was 10. I love learning about Japan. I'm learning the language, into anime, manga, Jpop, and more. I love to cook. Specifically, international cuisines. Learning to bake a bit, too. Anyways, hopefully this wasn't too long... :PIt'd be nice to meet and make friends with other people who are like me on here.

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Welcome to AVEN! :cake: Thank you for sharing your story with us! I'm glad that you found your way here. : ) You'll find a lot of friendly and supportive people that can relate to you in this community. I've never been in a relationship, but from what I've heard and read, it can certainly be complicated. Romantic orientation and differentiating romantic attraction from sexual and from aesthetic...it's all a bit confusing. So take all the time you need in exploring and see what feels right to you! That's so awesome you have 2 published novels! What genre? : ) And hehe, there are many anime/manga/Japanese culture fans here, too. You're not alone! I hope you enjoy being a member~

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Welcome :cake: . Your background and interests sound very much like my longtime squish(of 15 years). I hope you find the community you are looking for here.

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Hello and welcome! I could really identify and empathize with your story, thank you for sharing ~

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TheTorterra

Hi there! I'm stoked to see there's another clarinet-playing, writing, baking ace on the boards! Welcome to this community, and I hope you have a lot of fun! After all, you seem like a genuinely cool and interesting person. :D

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Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone! :) @kelico: yeah, it probably will take me a while to figure out where I land in the spectrum. (Or, I guess multiple ones?) But, I find it very interesting to be able to learn more about it, and myself. I don't feel a need to rush to figure out more of the specifics of where I am, though. One of my novels is a fantasy. The other is an anthology of 12 short stories based on my recurring nightmares. So, essentially full of horror. Yay! More people who are into Japanese media/culture!

@TheTorterra: Yay! More people who play clarinet, write, and bake! :D Sounds like there are people on here that I might have a lot in common with. That's awesome!

I was actually kind of nervous posting on here at first. But, so far, people seem to be really nice. I was nervous because I'm not used to talking about this. Kind of a relief to know some people could relate to what I've been through.

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