Gender crisis. Demigirl or genderfluid?

[PhoenyxOfTheAshes]

Hey everyone :)

(Content warning - mentioning of genitals)

So a bit about me...I'm not sure what to identify with when it comes to my gender. Sometimes I feel okay being identified as a female. Sometimes I experience an extreme...aversion maybe? to having a vagina. Like, I don't want to touch it, think about it, refer to having one, don't want anyone going near it, etc. Which is kind of odd. I feel like this may be physical gender dysphoria.

Sometimes I get very angry when someone refers to me as female, or I get very annoyed. It just feels wrong. My period gives me extreme anxiety to the point that I stopped getting them by cycling through my birth control.

And sometimes I feel rather genderless. Other times I feel like that's not quite right either. I feel neither male nor female, but definitely gendered. Sometimes I have a strong desire to have a penis or a beard, and will be jealous of my boyfriend. But I don't necessarily feel "male" at all in terms of gender. I just would rather not have a vagina, if that makes sense.

I rather like the term demigirl or demigender. I feel like that's a good term, but I fear other people saying it's not real, I'm faking, etc. I've also looked into genderfluid since my gender seems to be shifting from female to demigirl to agender to a nonbinary gender. But can't shake the feeling that I like the term demigirl (part female - part something else). In my case, the "part something else" could be agender or nonbinary. But I also can't help but feel that doesn't quite fit the definition due to having an extreme aversion to being called "female" at certain points in my life (at this time, I feel more agender or nonbinary), and because there have been times where I do feel more than "part" female.

So I'm not sure what to think, to be honest!! Has anyone ever felt similar (especially those who identify as demigirl, demiboy, or demigender)? Or does this honestly sound more like genderfluid??

Thanks everyone ^_^

[MoraDollie]

For me, I first identified as genderfluid. However, I still felt very strong connections to femininity during my daily life. I figured demigirl fit be better :P I still do experience "swings" with femininity vs masculinity, but femininity I'd argue is still something I feel most daily :P

[PhoenyxOfTheAshes]

For me, I first identified as genderfluid. However, I still felt very strong connections to femininity during my daily life. I figured demigirl fit be better :P I still do experience "swings" with femininity vs masculinity, but femininity I'd argue is still something I feel most daily :P

Just curious, when you say genderfluid which genders do you switch between?

[iff]

I wish you the best in deciding this.

It does sound a little like me - I really dislike when people use male terms to describe me and the jealously about females sometimes.

I can see similarities between you and me

[PhoenyxOfTheAshes]

I wish you the best in deciding this.

It does sound a little like me - I really dislike when people use male terms to describe me and the jealously about females sometimes.

I can see similarities between you and me

Thank you!

And now to add another label I just learned of - genderflux. That sounds like it could be me too. Ugghh, this is frustrating. lol

[Heart]

Reading that makes me think most of genderfluid, especially since there are times you don't like being female.

Genderflux also works. The difference is as follows: genderfluid changes gender (and maybe intensity as well), so for example you may switch from a feminine gender to a masculine one to agender to neutrois etc. Genderflux though is a subset of genderfluid in which you only change between genders in one "category", but different "intensities". For example, a genderflux person may always identify as some level of fmeale, but change between woman, to demigirl, to agender, to woman again. But never man or neutrois.

I hope that helps with the distinction between the two? Remember that if you settle one on today, but decide later that it's not quite right and the other is more accurate, you can always change. That does not invalidate your past label; it just means you changed as a person, or perhaps your gender itself changed.

[INTPnarwhal]

Moderator Heart, there seems to be widespread disagreement about the difference between agender and neutrois. To help me better understand your answer, would you please explain the definitions of both you subscribe to? Thanks

[ChillaKilla]

4 hours ago, INTPnarwhal said:

Moderator Heart, there seems to be widespread disagreement about the difference between agender and neutrois. To help me better understand your answer, would you please explain the definitions of both you subscribe to? Thanks

There is a glossary of gender definitions in this forum

[Mychemicalqpr]

The way I'd make sense of this is that you're genderfluid/flux, but with demigirl being the most prominent thing, so you identify with it most often. You don't really have to choose one or the other. Demigirl and genderfluid can both be true in that way. That's just a suggestion though. It's up to you to decide. 

[TheLastOfSheila]

On 6/25/2016 at 7:21 PM, PhoenyxOfTheAshes said:

Sometimes I experience an extreme...aversion maybe? to having a vagina. Like, I don't want to touch it, think about it, refer to having one, don't want anyone going near it, etc. Which is kind of odd. I feel like this may be physical gender dysphoria.

I so deeply relate to this.  I thought it was just me, so it is reassuring to read your words.  There are so many issues that I have had to confront because I felt this way.  I never thought of it as a gender dysphoria before.  I am a middle-aged ace, brought up in a different time, when these feelings were considered stupid and neurotic.  When I was young, young females were expected to date males, marry, and have children.  I conformed to all of these things, and never considered doing otherwise.  Except for having kids, a lot of it was pretty grim.  Anyway, over time, what you speculate could possibly be a physical gender dysphoria has gotten more intense for me over time.  I cannot even submit to a GYN medical exam any more.  I basically try to forget that *it* is there also.  It's not as though I wish I had male anatomy instead.  I wouldn't want to be bothered with that either, although female anatomy is much more of a nuisance.  I identify with being a woman, don't mind being seen by society as one, but I have never been a "girly-girl".  So am I merely someone who refuses to conform to society's standards of how a woman should behave, or am I agender?  Is a label even important?  I dunno if labels really matter, but I must admit that they can be helpful, comforting in a way.  I took one of those silly gender tests, and was classified as "Casually Masculine".  Of course, the test was full of biased tropes, not really scientific in any way.  Still, I thought that was sort of interesting (not sure what it means though, lol!)

 

Ok, I am rambling now.  Thanks for your post, PhoenyxOfTheAshes, very thought provoking for me.

[Heart]

On 2017-03-03 at 0:53 AM, INTPnarwhal said:

Moderator Heart, there seems to be widespread disagreement about the difference between agender and neutrois. To help me better understand your answer, would you please explain the definitions of both you subscribe to? Thanks

The difference is whether someone has a gender or not. If you don't have a gender, then you are agender. If you have a gender, but it's not man or woman or any combination thereof, then you could be neutrois.

 

I like describing it using colours. If man is blue, and woman is red, then there are a few genders that are combinations or variations on those (purple, pink, light blue, etc). But neutrois is a "third gender", in the sense that it is a gender still but not any combination of red or blue. Let's say it's yellow. Now, what "third gender" means to different people can vary (and who knows, maybe there are more than three genders and we just group all the others under neutrois because we don't know any better yet). But agender is distinct from all of those because it is no colour. It's like being see-through.

 

Does that help?

[NoItsBecky]

From one person beyond confused about gender to another, you sound genderflux to me.

[howtobegeek]

What you described is really similar to what I feel and I'm as confused as you. Atm I just wear what I want and act how I want and try to figure it out better. 

What really helped me was cutting off all my hair because I feel like society doesn't see me as a "real"/ typical girl (in a good way) any more. 

Plus, I'm not out to anyone except my best friend on the Internet. I hope that one day I will figure out my gender, but if it doesn't happen, I will have to live with that.

I hope my rambling was at least a bit helpful. 🍰

[Donatsu]

I'm another person that can relate  so confused right now XD

 

I feel like personally I have this tendency to try and avoid describing my gender as fluid, especially when I'm trying to claim my identity as not being 100% cis (while don't at all identify as trans, my gender definitely isn't as simple as being cis) and thus try to stop myself from connecting with my feminine side, being AFAB. I'm always worried that connecting with the side of my gender that I am "expected" to feel connected to is going to result in people seeing my identity as gender-questioning as invalid, like I'm "not really gender-queer".

 

Perhaps that's where some of my confusion comes from, I don't know 

 

I guess I would say that my gender can be a bit fluid, but I can't deny that sometimes I feel a connection to the term girl and/or demi-girl, and I don't really experience any gender related dysphoria.

 

It's nice knowing that, even if we can't help each other come to an answer, that we're not alone in feeling like that     

[Heartnet]

What if you move between feeling more than one gender at once to one gender and no gender, is that still considered gender fluid? 

[Philip027]

EDIT: snarky response to flamebait apparently no longer necessary!