PowerRangerBlue Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 Hello, Im trying to make my marriage work with trying to figure out if I am ace and my wife thinks I should look at every option. While my feelings are making me think I am, should I also talk to a therapist? Im not sure if it's worth it because I never talked to any of my friends who are LGBTQ and said that, I just took them at their word. Would a therapist help with this or is it a waste of time? Any opinions would be great Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 There is no diagnosis for asexuality, nor even a clear, officially accepted definition of it. Talking to a therapist can, in the best of cases, help you become more clear about knowing yourself, as talking about things with a neutral observer forces you to put things into words, which can increase your own conscious understanding on them. But if you're looking for a professional to conclusively diagnose you... yeah, my vote is on "you'll be wasting time and money". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Muledeer Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 I think talking to a therapist could help you accept yourself as an asexual, or possibly give your wife some tools to accept your asexuality. But it has to be the right therapist - one who acknowledges the asexual spectrum and by all means one who does not seek to change your asexual orientation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 But it has to be the right therapist - one who acknowledges the asexual spectrum and by all means one who does not seek to change your asexual orientation. Yup, this, too. I've made the experience that astoundingly many therapists try to change you into their own narrow category of what constitutes "being healthy", regardless of what goals you originally told them you are seeking therapy for. I generally consider talking to the ones in that group a waste of time and money, and it can be quite a hassle and journey to even find one who isn't in that group. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 Actually there is a test called the Asexuality Identification Scale developed to be used by psychologists to screen people to determine if they could be asexual. The test doesn't tell if you are but it can indicate the possibility if your score is 40 or higher. I score 49. The actual test is printed at the end of this paper. http://www.academia.edu/9352569/A_validated_measure_of_no_sexual_attraction_The_Asexuality_Identification_Scale Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 @Jughead... thanks for linking that, first time I hear of it. Will DL & read later. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anime Pancake Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 Hello! I will ask some questions that will help you decide if you consider yourself asexual! Only answer the questions if you want to, and you don't have to answer them here if you want. The following questions could also be a good discussion for you and your wife, if you want to talk about it! Disclaimer, I'm not a therapist but I am a helpful pancake! Here are the questions to think about 1. Do you want to have sex? 2. Do you feel a desire/need to have sex? 3. Would you be okay in a relationship without sex? 4. Could you be happy in a relationship without sex? 5. Do you like romance? 6. Do you like romance without sex? 7. Do you like romance and sex? 8. Is this the last question? 9. Is Anime Pancake a helpful pancake? 10. Do you love Anime Pancake? Answer these questions and discuss them with yourself first, and then with your wife. Of course, only if you want to. These are just some suggestions. If you choose to, it may help if both of you answer the questions. If you don't feel a need for sex and are not interested in sex at all, you can identify as asexual :) If you like romance but not sex, you can identify as asexual! If you like hugging, kissing, touching, but not interested in sex, you can identify as asexual! If you enjoy sex, and really want sex, then you are probably not asexual! (Though it is possible for asexuals to enjoy sex) I hope that was helpful Power Ranger Blue :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
touching-not-so-much Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 The closest direct, common variation of "diagnosis" in everyday situations is that Schizoid Personality has an almost invariable element of the patient/client being "uninterested in sex" and often in relationships. That's more a set of commonly occurring criteria of symptoms than diagnosing asexuality itself - it's more a bypoduct of identifying a personality type when viewed in this light, but could be said to be a "diagnosis" of sorts, depending on your purposes. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PowerRangerBlue Posted June 29, 2016 Author Share Posted June 29, 2016 Hello! I will ask some questions that will help you decide if you consider yourself asexual! Only answer the questions if you want to, and you don't have to answer them here if you want. The following questions could also be a good discussion for you and your wife, if you want to talk about it! Disclaimer, I'm not a therapist but I am a helpful pancake! Here are the questions to think about 1. Do you want to have sex? 2. Do you feel a desire/need to have sex? 3. Would you be okay in a relationship without sex? 4. Could you be happy in a relationship without sex? 5. Do you like romance? 6. Do you like romance without sex? 7. Do you like romance and sex? 8. Is this the last question? 9. Is Anime Pancake a helpful pancake? 10. Do you love Anime Pancake? Answer these questions and discuss them with yourself first, and then with your wife. Of course, only if you want to. These are just some suggestions. If you choose to, it may help if both of you answer the questions. If you don't feel a need for sex and are not interested in sex at all, you can identify as asexual :) If you like romance but not sex, you can identify as asexual! If you like hugging, kissing, touching, but not interested in sex, you can identify as asexual! If you enjoy sex, and really want sex, then you are probably not asexual! (Though it is possible for asexuals to enjoy sex) I hope that was helpful Power Ranger Blue :) You are a very helpful pancake, thank you. I have my answers of this and my wife clarified what doctor she thinks I should see and it's not a therapist. It's just crazy that I had to accept her sexuality but it seems that it's so hard to accept this. I don't get it Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anime Pancake Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 Yeah hopefully she will understand that asexuals don't need help, we are just naturally not interested in sex. Just like how sexual people are naturally interested in sex and it would be disrespectful to ask them to get help for what is normal to them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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