Basic polyamory question

[gothic dandy]

I think I may be polyamorous (romantic) and asexual. My current romantic interest is completely and utterly against the idea of having a poly relationship with me. He's 100% straight and monogamous. Certainly, that's not going to work in the long run, I think we both get that gist, but we really like each other and just want to have some fun for as long as it lasts. Is it correct to still call myself "poly" when I'm in such a relationship, or does that label only apply when I am available for the poly lifestyle? I wasn't sure if that word was used as an identity marker or as an availability marker, if that makes sense.

[WinterWanderer]

I think it's preference-based? So since poly is your preference, you could still use it. Not entirely sure though.

[JAKQ7111]

Poly, like all aspects of sexuality, exists on a spectrum, with exclusively mono on one end, and exclusively poly on the other. Most people naturally fall somewhere in the middle, but it's still largely a portion of one's sexual/romantic orientation, just like gender preference. Basically, what I'm saying is that you can definitely call yourself poly even if you are in a mono relationship at the current moment.

[DragonflytotheMoon]

If poly is your nature, then, that's what you are, no matter who you're with. In some poly relationships, like mine, both people are agreeable to additional separate relationships, but, both people don't have to act on it. My husband, hasn't yet. He's fine with me having had lady loves. I also only get involved with someone who is also poly. I don't want them hiding anything from their partner. Now that I have a better understanding of who I am (pan demi rom & grace), then, I'd prefer future romantic interests be that as well. At least, the demi & grace.

[Mx.Jekyll]

I call myself poly even when I'm in mono relationship, but I always make sure to mention my relationship is mono. I always let my partners know about that aspect of me up front, as well. It's still very much a part of my identity just as my asexuality is and I think it's important to acknowledge that aspect of myself at all time.

But, as said above, it preference based and if you aren't comfortable calling yourself poly when in a mono relationship, don't do it...but I think it's fine to do so.

[Guest]

Do you think that a bi/pansexual person may still identify as such while they're with only one partner (and thus, have "made a choice between males and females?")

If yes, then there's your answer.

If not... well, you may want to overthink your attitude. ;)

But to be fair - there is a lot of discussion - within poly circles, themselves - whether poly is a lifestyle choice, or a relationship orientation. I firmly fall into the second camp - you could not sooner expect me to be happy in a mono/closed ship than you could expect a gay man to be happy in a monogamous relationship with a woman - but I'm not denying the existence of polys who do say that it were all about behavior.

[Tarfeather]

But to be fair - there is a lot of discussion - within poly circles, themselves - whether poly is a lifestyle choice, or a relationship orientation. I firmly fall into the second camp - you could not sooner expect me to be happy in a mono/closed ship than you could expect a gay man to be happy in a monogamous relationship with a woman - but I'm not denying the existence of polys who do say that it were all about behavior.

Hmm.. You know, there may be a point to that. For instance, I think poly/aro are more compatible than poly/mono or aro/mono, respectively.