Do you ever wish you weren't asexual?

[kscott16]

I'm 17 now and I've never been sexually attracted to anyone, so I guess it's pretty safe to say I'm asexual, which, in my opinion, is kind of dissappointing. I feel like most asexuals I've seen are okay with their (lack of) sexuality, and are actually glad they don't have to deal with sex, but I feel like I'm missing out. It's partially because I feel out of the loop when talking to other people, but also because I feel kind of cheated in a way. I'm jealous that I can't experience what most people love and crave.

Does anyone else feel this way? Is it normal for an asexual to feel this way? I guess it's possible that maybe a combination of years of depression, social anxiety/avpd, general low self esteem, and being raised in a very conservative home (you have sex outside of het marriage you go to hell) just dampened my sexuality and it might develop one day, but idk. Just kind of bummed I guess.

(Also I'm new here so I'm not sure how this site works I hope I did this right)

[Mike_Rophone]

You posted it correctly. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Sometimes I don't acknowledge that I am, other times U remember. It is weird.

[Peachyy]

Eh. I mean, sometimes I wish I was vegetarian but I get so much satisfaction from eating meat that by the end of the day I'm crisping up the bacon and just hoping I won't get heart disease.

[Yatogami]

Im in the boat of "God I wish I liked sex" because it makes things easier. Sure it's fine and all to feel that if you never had something you are not missing out. My asexuality is the result of my upbringing and mental illness therefore I was never born this way and it sucks that I cannot be how my genetics wanted me to be. I feel like I am missing out on so much enjoyment. It would make me so much more happy if I could enjoy sex.

[JAKQ7111]

Eh, yes and no. If I had to say something, I wish that my sexual and romantic orientations matched. I like being asexual, but I would like to be aromantic to go along with it, to make that part of my life less complicated. Likewise, I like being panromantic, but I wish I were pansexual to go along with it, for much the same reasons.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Definitely not, I'm repulsed and wouldn't want another thing to worry about. It wouldn't fit awfully well with my orientation anyway...

[SorryNotSorry]

Wishing I wasn't asexual would be like wishing I was quadriplegic.

[KulkulkanX]

Once in a while I think of the people I've been told were into me and were sexually attracted to me and regret all the fun I might have had. Then, I see all the ninsense anf hoops people have to go through because of sex and feel better. Besides, I have learned to accept myself, so regret really is not something I care to indulge in. I really don't think that I missed much except for a lot of heartache and bother.

[tali.lynn]

That's how I used to feel. Actually growing up and being in situations where I could (tried to) have sex and relationships, and realizing how much I hated it, has made me incredibly glad to have found my identity and realize that no, I don't have to do any of that. I also am just glad that I no longer feel lost. Used to I was so confused about my orientation and it was hard for me. Some people don't like labels but for me they give me something to hold onto and to fall back on, I take them very seriously, so finally having them for myself after years of feeling lost is something I am very proud of and happy about.

But I am also saddened by how much negativity there is about asexuality, especially lately. Hardly anyone knows about it but those who do all seem so quick to judge.

[Guest]

Definitely not, I'm repulsed and wouldn't want another thing to worry about. It wouldn't fit awfully well with my orientation anyway...

This.

No, I don't wish I was sexual. Never. If anything, being ace is a lucky privilege to me.

[Ace of Amethysts]

Definitely not, I'm repulsed and wouldn't want another thing to worry about. It wouldn't fit awfully well with my orientation anyway...

This.

No, I don't wish I was sexual. Never. If anything, being ace is a lucky privilege to me.

Seconding Mysticus.

[SouthernMinuet]

I've recently realized that how I've felt all my life is natural to people who identify as asexual. But I am wistful that I do not feel sexual because I'm married and had never known about asexuality until recently. I just figured I had a low (extremely) sex drive. But I wish that I could be more sexual and actually enjoy it because it would be better for my marriage. But I'd be happiest if husband was more asexual..

[Star Bit]

Yah, some people wish they weren't their orientation, but for the most part that's just a phase they have to go through. I suggest these brief videos: link link.

There are asexual dating sites, asexual meetups scheduled on and off of AVEN, and a minority of sexual people are ok with a sexless relationship (or even having sex with an asexual), so you do have options.

[One Winged Angel]

I have never wished, and never will wish to be allosexual. The way I see it, being Asexual is part of what makes me who I am. To wish I was something else, would be like wishing I was not myself. If I was allosexual, I would not be the same person. I love myself how I am, and that includes, very much so, being an Aromantic Asexual.

[Guest]

I have never wished, and never will wish to be allosexual. The way I see it, being Asexual is part of what makes me who I am. To wish I was something else, would be like wishing I was not myself. If I was allosexual, I would not be the same person. I love myself how I am, and that includes, very much so, being an Aromantic Asexual.

Just my words! :)

[Esper]

There were situations when I came to terms with me asexuality where I wished I was just allosexual because it would be so much easier and sometimes if I'm feeling alone those thoughts comes back. As other has said, it has mostly to do with wishing my romantic orientation matched my asexuality.

But then I remember to tell myself that I wouldn't be me if I was allosexual. And I like being me.

[Ennis]

I like being ace and it's part of who I am. Also we need more diversity in this world.

On the other hand, there are those moments when I feel different (in a negative sense), left out, and I feel like it would be way easier to be sexual and neither have to come out, which is scary, nor to be closeted, which hurts.

[WinterWanderer]

I don't mind being ace that much. I feel like I've cut out a part of life that tends to cause people pain and heartache. But the worst part is loneliness. No, you don't have to want sex to be in a relationship, but it sure is hard to find someone who is willing to work around your ace-ness.

[Elisalee]

I'm accepting of my asexual identity. Though I did spend quite a lot of time trying to figure out where I was on the spectrum due to previous experiences.

But since I've figured it out, things feel a lot simpler, and now am able to have a better perspective on the world and others around me regarding their own relationships.

This would not be possible if I were allosexual, and I think I would not be as open-minded and accepting as I am of other people's life choices.

[kscott16]

Im in the boat of "God I wish I liked sex" because it makes things easier. Sure it's fine and all to feel that if you never had something you are not missing out. My asexuality is the result of my upbringing and mental illness therefore I was never born this way and it sucks that I cannot be how my genetics wanted me to be. I feel like I am missing out on so much enjoyment. It would make me so much more happy if I could enjoy sex.

yeah, i feel this. like if things had turned out differently, i could have been sexual and maybe happier as a result. kind of depressing

[Star Bit]

Also, even if you were allosexual, you'd still have to deal with mixed libidos in relationships; which is extremely common and commonly the cause for a relationship or even marriage's end. So you're not really escaping the problem by switching orientations.

[kscott16]

Also, even if you were allosexual, you'd still have to deal with mixed libidos in relationships; which is extremely common and commonly the cause for a relationship or even marriage's end. So you're not really escaping the problem by switching orientations.

true I guess, but even outside of romance people enjoy sex. Just kind of sad that I won't, it feels like I've been cheated in a way

[kscott16]

Oh, and I just wanted to say thanks for all the input! This site is pretty cool

[PaigeB]

I've only recently discovered that I'm not a weirdo and in fact am actually ace. I never did like sex, or the thought of sex. I've only been happy with myself since I came out of a bad relationship and decided that I'm not going to be going down that route. Ive always enjoyed the early stages of relationships, where it is romantic and no touchy below the naval and clothes safely on. Once it moved past stage I always felt awkward, no clue what I was supposed to be doing, and squirming away from being touched.

So do I ever wish I wasn't ace? Definitely not.

I've only told one person I can trust completely that I am ace, but if I was to meet someone who I felt a romantic connection with in the future, I would just be honest and up front with them. I've done the trying to hide my sex repulsion thing, and I'm now in a place where if someone can't accept me fully for who I am, then they are not someone I want to get involved with. I'm never going back to that feeling of self-loathing and absolute hatred for others which is what has always happened as previous attempts at being sexual have always left me feeling violated and resentful.

[SouthernMinuet]

I have to say that I'm fortunate though because my husband never pressures me and always lets me be the one who initiates everything. It's just that I don't ever want to initiate other than to make him happy because I love him. I think because we have become trusting friends we are able to compromise on our sexual differences because of the love in the relationship. It would be easier if he were asexual too, but It's hard to find someone who truly loves you in spite of differences. I'm just glad I finally figured out what was natural for me and that I don't feel bad for what I am.

[Shezilla]

I've occasionally felt left out. I'm pretty happy as an asexual aromantic, but sometimes I get really involved in a fictional depiction of epic romance with the swelling orchestral music and the staring into each other's souls and think, "Wow that looks awesome. I mean, painful, and exhausting, and fraught with angst, but what a ride."

But real life love seems to be much less epic then fictional love. Do I feel like I'm missing out on that--grocery shopping, fighting over the dishes, holding hands on the couch, sharing toothpaste, dealing with cold feet and snoring in the bed? I guess? But the lack of epic-ness is a turn-off: why go through the laborious process of mate selection and dating and years of work and communication when the results are so often divorce or heartbreak or bitterness instead of happy domesticity?

If I was ever to put that much work and emotional wherewithal and physicality into a relationship it had better be destined and eternal and so freaking epic it topples a galactic government. Or almost causes the apocalypse. Or saves the world. Something.

[kscott16]

I have to say that I'm fortunate though because my husband never pressures me and always lets me be the one who initiates everything. It's just that I don't ever want to initiate other than to make him happy because I love him. I think because we have become trusting friends we are able to compromise on our sexual differences because of the love in the relationship. It would be easier if he were asexual too, but It's hard to find someone who truly loves you in spite of differences. I'm just glad I finally figured out what was natural for me and that I don't feel bad for what I am.

I'm glad you found someone so accepting! It gives the rest of us hope

[kscott16]

I've occasionally felt left out. I'm pretty happy as an asexual aromantic, but sometimes I get really involved in a fictional depiction of epic romance with the swelling orchestral music and the staring into each other's souls and think, "Wow that looks awesome. I mean, painful, and exhausting, and fraught with angst, but what a ride."

But real life love seems to be much less epic then fictional love. Do I feel like I'm missing out on that--grocery shopping, fighting over the dishes, holding hands on the couch, sharing toothpaste, dealing with cold feet and snoring in the bed? I guess? But the lack of epic-ness is a turn-off: why go through the laborious process of mate selection and dating and years of work and communication when the results are so often divorce or heartbreak or bitterness instead of happy domesticity?

If I was ever to put that much work and emotional wherewithal and physicality into a relationship it had better be destined and eternal and so freaking epic it topples a galactic government. Or almost causes the apocalypse. Or saves the world. Something.

Yeah, I don't really think romantic love exists like it does in movies. Maybe at first, but I think in the end you'll just end up good friends rather than hopelessly in love

[Onomatopoeia]

Yes. But while I'm wishing, I also wish the world was a more accepting place so being asexual wasn't so damn hard and you didn't have to argue with every person you describe your asexuality to (even tho it's a very small number of people who still don't understand.)

[StasiaOB]

I do. Because of the loneliness. It's a lot more difficult to find someone. Especially at my age (40s).