Do you ever wish you weren't asexual?

[Muledeer]

I do. Because of the loneliness. It's a lot more difficult to find someone. Especially at my age (40s).

/| this! I am in my 50's and it is even more difficult to find a partner. At least I enjoy my own company. I also know life could be so much better with the right person along for the ride. I will never give up hope that could happen, but the reality of being Ace makes the odds a long shot.

[Star Bit]

Again, that's why meetups exist.

And we're not the only ones; gay people have the same problem, as do aro sexuals.

[Éadweard]

When I read some of the comments on this site, yes

[Evelweevil]

After fumbling through heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, polyamory, and everything else under the sun, finally coming to grips with the fact sexual intercourse and oral sex always felt obligatory/programmed/empty, no. No I do not. I am quite happy I came to this understanding about myself.

I'd rather be single and surround myself with like minded individuals who share a common goal or interest with me, than be in the wrong relationship ever again. With enough hobbies, interests, and activities there is plenty to do.

Of course, having masochistic tendencies/being a kink-friendly ace makes it a little easier to come by partners. Locating a platonic dom/sadist is easier to find than one may think when the goal is adrenaline, connectivity, etc and not intercourse.

Being asexual is very liberating.

[Guest]

Haha, nooo. :D I'm very happy that I am asexual.

[mori child]

I'm pretty much okay with being asexual. That doesn't bother me much. But I think I would like to be romantic, or at least experience romantic feelings so that I know what they're like. When I crave emotional intimacy, sometimes I think it would be easier if I were romantic-- like it would give me an excuse to get closer to people.

[BlondeBarbie]

Yes... A few months ago I realized that I most likely am asexual and have touch-aversion. The more I consider this as my true sexuality, the more I despise it. Maybe my feelings toward this sexuality will change; I hope they do. All of my best friends are getting boyfriends or girlfriends right now, and I can't relate. I don't relate to how they want to rip their clothes off or how they want to kiss each other and hold hands. I can't relate and I feel left out. I feel like there's something wrong with me. The more time my friends spend in their relationship, the less time they seem to spend with me. I just want a good & reliable friend who I can spend all my time with. No cuddling, no kissing, no sex. Just us, just fun.

Since I'm not necessarily repulsed by these actions, I do wish I was heterosexual & romantic. I don't want to be alone forever, and I feel like I might be. Movies make everything so pretty, I feel like being "normal" would just be easier and it looks kinda fun. (Troye Sivan has music videos that are super cute)

idk... Maybe I'm just the exception. Maybe I'm not a real asexual. Maybe I just suck at keeping friends because people hate me.

Wow, that got depressing pretty fast. :( but yea, this is how I feel

[StasiaOB]

I do. Because of the loneliness. It's a lot more difficult to find someone. Especially at my age (40s).

/| this! I am in my 50's and it is even more difficult to find a partner. At least I enjoy my own company. I also know life could be so much better with the right person along for the ride. I will never give up hope that could happen, but the reality of being Ace makes the odds a long shot.

Yeah...but there's still a shot...it's not impossible so...I'm giving up...but I do have my days when I wish I was "normal"

[Lexikat]

In a way i do, but at the same time i don't. Mostly i wish i could get the same enjoyment of of it as they do. But i don't miss any of the awkward moments that come from trying to be allosexual, especially since i found that i am on the asexual spectrum.

[kscott16]

Yes... A few months ago I realized that I most likely am asexual and have touch-aversion. The more I consider this as my true sexuality, the more I despise it. Maybe my feelings toward this sexuality will change; I hope they do. All of my best friends are getting boyfriends or girlfriends right now, and I can't relate. I don't relate to how they want to rip their clothes off or how they want to kiss each other and hold hands. I can't relate and I feel left out. I feel like there's something wrong with me. The more time my friends spend in their relationship, the less time they seem to spend with me. I just want a good & reliable friend who I can spend all my time with. No cuddling, no kissing, no sex. Just us, just fun.

Since I'm not necessarily repulsed by these actions, I do wish I was heterosexual & romantic. I don't want to be alone forever, and I feel like I might be. Movies make everything so pretty, I feel like being "normal" would just be easier and it looks kinda fun. (Troye Sivan has music videos that are super cute)

idk... Maybe I'm just the exception. Maybe I'm not a real asexual. Maybe I just suck at keeping friends because people hate me.

Wow, that got depressing pretty fast. :( but yea, this is how I feel

Yeah, everyone around me seems to be getting partners and enjoying sex and I'm just kind of jealous I guess. But then, I get jealous over people having friendships too, so I guess I'm just bitter

[henshin]

I think yes and no. No because I am happy with who I am, but yes because I truly would love to experience sexual desire, see what all the fuss is about, be able to enjoy sex like most people do, be able to give that to my partner.

[Guest 80814]

Yes.

[emma-can]

On the one hand I feel like being allosexual would make it a lot easier for me to be in a relationship. On the other hand, even if I were allosexual, I don't think my personality really lends itself to romantic relationships well...

So hypothetically, yes, but in practice it probably wouldn't make a difference.

[Silk Bones]

Just like almost everyone here, The feeling is bitter sweet.

When I meet someone with an attractive personality, I have this mini episode of happy thoughts, like "Oh wow, I think I finally found someone I'd like to eventually start a romantic relationship with.." but then my mind makes a sharp turn and reminds me that I'm asexual; that's when I start to feel like a child who witnessed their ice cream fall on the ground. :lol:

Then after a while of sulking, I remind myself that there's perks to being ace 'cause I get to see the world in a different perspective. I can live life in a unique way, find beauty in the world and the people around me, and find a connection with them without physical contact. It's a constant reminder that there's other ways to get closer with people and find them beautiful or handsome without the sexual feeling.

I don't know, That's just how I experience it, heh.

[Xanthyk]

Hi, I'm Gray-A and experience touch-aversion under most circumstances. However, I have experienced sexual attraction towards 3 people in my life so I cannot claim to have never known what it's like to feel that towards someone. I've never engaged in anything sexual with them, so I am slightly curious about what all the fuss is about. Although I had not realised my sexual identity until very recently, it is an integral part of who I am. I think that my lack of sexual attraction to other people has been overall positive for me and may be a contributing factor to the positive way I view the world and the seemingly rare ability to make friends with different genders equally and without any subtext.

I do have moments where I wish I was sexual, and that is in the context of relationships. My wanting to please my partner but complete aversion to sex has posed issues in the past. It also makes me feel incredibly stressed and anxious about pursuing romantic relationships with new people as I am scared of falling for someone who will then leave me because I am unable to have sex with them. So, yes. I have moments where I wish I could be sexual so I could just be "normal" and not have to explain or justify myself to romantic partners, nor to outsiders who try to pressure or guilt trip me into having sex with my romantic partner at the time. I am also curious. However, my sexual identity has formed core parts of my outlook on life, my personality, my ethics and my interactions with other people. I don't think I'd be myself otherwise. I cannot imagine the concept of actively wanting to have sex and feeling that attraction. The idea repulses me to be quite frank so I struggle to see an appeal other than in the terms of being on the same page as most potential romantic partners. When I suddenly became sexually attracted to a friend after about a year I found it very confusing to navigate and awkward. So I think we're saved some of the drama and questionable life choices that some sexuals encounter. As long as we're with understanding peers and any romantic partners are aware and understanding, I think that being sexual can be a small daydream or wonder.

((I didn't experience any sexual attraction until I was 20 so you don't know. It could happen.))

[Holy Ghost]

I wish I was more asexual to the point where I started budding. :twisted:

jk I'm happy the way I am.

[Janus the Fox]

No ig just respect myself for who i am as a person and that of the differences i bring for the world to witness.

[Varadis]

Some days I think it would be easier. When I was younger and surrounded by hormone-driven friends I didn't understand why I couldn't experience the world in the same way. I was frustrated and felt pressured into dating. I was afraid of missing out on what everyone else obsessed over. I wanted to feel and value what I perceived as normal.

The best thing I can say is: it gets better. Asexuality is by no means less valid or normal than sexuality, even when it is frustrating or complicated. You'll find value in the strangest places and save yourself from some of the less mentioned struggles our more physically intimate counterparts face. Think of asexuality as that odd friend who never shows up at an appropriate hour but always has the best stories (and cake).

[danigirlawkward]

When I first found out about asexuality and how it pertained to myself, I was so happy. Since then I've stayed the same on the matter but have gone through phases where I really wished I wasn't. It's difficult to meet people who understand you let alone want to be in relationship with you. Every once in awhile I get sad that I just can't feel the same way my friends felt so I could finally be a part of a romantic relationship but then I remember that if I were, I'd probably hate myself more because it wouldn't feel right. I'd feel fake which isn't how I want to come across.

[LadyPariah]

I honestly can't imagine myself any other way than I am. Being sex-repulsed makes it so much easier to focus on other things. Do I wish that I weren't asexual? No. Do I wish more people were asexual? Yes. Because that would be awesome.

[Homer]

I... always organized my life without thinking about sex or romance. There's always things you take into consideration when major decisions are up. If I take this job at that other place quite far away, will I have enough time to go see friends and family? Will I like it there? That kind of question.

Sex or romance have never, ever been taken into consideration. Like "if I do this, will I have enough room to look for s & r in my life?" - "Is this flat big enough to... host someone occasionally ;)?" No. It's not that I actively avoided it, it just never occurred in the first place. Now that I'm approaching my mid 30s, I've settled in to a degree that I wouldn't go for a change just for the sake of it.

If someone suddenly injected an actual sexual interest into me, that kind that would make me actually pursue s & r, I'd have to reorganize my life so much that... no, thanks. Not appealing at all.

[alibali]

I've only recently discovered that I'm not a weirdo and in fact am actually ace. I never did like sex, or the thought of sex. I've only been happy with myself since I came out of a bad relationship and decided that I'm not going to be going down that route. Ive always enjoyed the early stages of relationships, where it is romantic and no touchy below the naval and clothes safely on. Once it moved past stage I always felt awkward, no clue what I was supposed to be doing, and squirming away from being touched.

So do I ever wish I wasn't ace? Definitely not.

I've only told one person I can trust completely that I am ace, but if I was to meet someone who I felt a romantic connection with in the future, I would just be honest and up front with them. I've done the trying to hide my sex repulsion thing, and I'm now in a place where if someone can't accept me fully for who I am, then they are not someone I want to get involved with. I'm never going back to that feeling of self-loathing and absolute hatred for others which is what has always happened as previous attempts at being sexual have always left me feeling violated and resentful.

Exactly for me, although I am in the very early stages of accepting and feeling confident of who Inam.

However I do think my "bad" relationship went bad, because of what I and he, and probably the rest of the world saw/see as my "hang ups" about sex.

[Adam_Jensen]

Hell no !!! Discovering I was an asexual was one of my most defining moments as a person.Something finally felt right about myself and who I was.So no.....I'm fine the way I am.

[Podsnap]

I want to be *normal*. I feel lonely, left out and isolated from other people. I spent my teens feeling weird and like I was some sort of freak. I'd love to be able to date, get married and just be like everyone else.

[Star Bit]

then go to a meetup

[Nidwin]

No for me. The only regret I have is not knowing about aceness 30 Years ago.

When I see the amount of time, money and energy that allos around me have to spent for romance/sex with so many failures, I can't thank the Great Mother of all enough to have given me the nofuckdude orientation.

[Jimmie Matthews]

Honestly dude you worded that so perfectly.  I feel exactly the same way you feel. It honestly sucks because it doesn’t at all feel normal and I feel it leads to lonilensss. I feel can’t just be me with out people questioning it or judging it. So just because I’m asexual it shuts me off from being friends with people because I don’t want others to know what lies underneath and to just abounded, or critics me because I’m weird. For me I’m tried of lying to people about who I am. I’m always masking it all because I know, no one will ever understand. I’ve tried to explain it to my family and they’ll just assume I’m straight. I’ve tried so hard to not be this way. I’ve tried to watch porn and I don’t feel anything. I watch shows with sex. Don’t feel anything.  I come across guys and girls. I feel no kind of feeling or anything. I just can’t accept that I am this way. In my opinion I don’t think this condition that we all have is normal.  Us humans need other humans to go through life and to share love with. We can’t do this alone, because will get boring and sad real quick. I think mental illness place a part into why we’re like this. I feel with me have OCD and Anxiety I would not have this. I only just wish sometimes there’s a cure this unwanted condition. 

 

 

[Hide]

Not at all. I'm perfectly fine being aroace. Probably also because I'm an introvert. I love my time alone and I have a kitty which is enough of a company for me.