The most dreaded questions...?

[TRexPhilbo]

I don't know about you, but when I was at school the worst question ever to be asked was "are you a virgin?". I hate this question, partly because I was asked at the age of 14, when people the same age were ostracised at school for answering "yes", but also because it's a monumentally forward question about an intimate act (and, in my experience saying "I'd rather not say" resulted in the same thing as if you said that you hadn't had sex at that point).

What are your most dreaded questions and why, when it comes to being ace?

[Grumpy Alien]

That is my most dreaded question. Because I am. At 23, that's really embarrassing in this society.

[Ace of Amethysts]

It`s considered immature to be a virgin at 23? That`s just... all kinds of depressing.

I might come back to this thread...

[KanoEvey]

I think "well, how do you know you don't like it unless you've tried it?" is up there, going along the same line as the "are you a virgin?" question.

[Zerο]

1) How come you aren't dating anyone? -Usually relatives or family friends

2) Vanilla or chocolate? Mint chocolate chip, bitches.

[Jme]

I don't really dread the virginity question. In what universe do people just ask somebody that? My immediate inclination is to respond with, "None of your damn business."

I guess the only people who would judge me for that are people that I really don't value the opinion of, so it doesn't bother me.

Interesting thread, though...I can't think of a question that I would really dread being asked, at least not one that would relate to my personal choices. I would be more bothered if people questioned my ability to do my job well, or something like that.

[Naali]

Ya know, most times people ask me that question, they think it's cool that I am. Maybe cause of who I am/the vibe, but it's still kinda creepy.

I get annoyed at, "you've never had a boyfriend or dated anyone? Why?"

[SithLord]

I dread the "What's your type?" or "Who are you into?" questions. Cause they always look at you weird when you say "no one."

[dee615]

I'm a virgin - at 53.

I guess I'm at an age when I no longer have to deal with the question of "Are you or aren't you?".

The questions I do deal with are about a significant other and kids.

Not that I presume my interrogators would be on this forum, but here are the answers to their FAQs, and their hypothetical (?) questions as well.

"I do not have a husband."

"I do not have kids"

"I'm perfectly fine with not having kids. I love them, but never felt compelled to have any of my own."

"I do not have a boyfriend."

"I am straight. I do not have, and have never had, any bi - or lesbian tendencies".

"I was not abused"

"I'm in good health"

"My family wasn't oppressively religious"

In case anyone is curious as to how I spend my time, and how I find fulfillment in life, in spite of my dormant reproductive tract, here goes:

"I love my job. It is my identity. As a kid, it is what I wanted to do "when I grew up" ."

"I spend most of my free time reading, and listening to and playing classical music."

"I have some long standing, close friendships, some going all the way back to middle school."

"I have both male and female friends. And all are 100% platonic relationships."

"I love to travel domestically and internationally, although not to certain locales."

And MOST IMPORTANTLY

"Having a dormant reproductive tract doesn't make me sad, or wishful, or envious in the least bit. In fact, it is a sort of relief not to have to deal with the whole she-bang (pun intended) so that I can focus on all the other things in my life."

[cym]

i always get asked if i'm a virgin after i tell someone i'm asexual.

when i tell them yes, they then say, "well maybe you just haven't found the right person. i could make you like sex."

ew. get away from me.

[Amedot]

I hate all questions re: my sexual experiences (like, unless it was from a close friend or partner) but the worst ones are like... the questions that try to gauge if the sex you had "counts" as sex. It's just really creepy....

[Tyger Songbird]

I think that I might as well get off my chest everything about me.

Yes, I'm a virgin. (At 26)

Yes, I've never had a girlfriend (At 26)

Yes, I've never even done anything with a girl (At 26, I've only kissed 1 time)

Yes, I don't have kids (At 26)

Yes, I'm not married (At 26)

And yes, I don't care to do any of it. Better yet, I don't want to do it. It's just not my thing. I don't find it essential for me.

You would think that things would get easier as someone ages, but I still get asked if I am still a virgin. It gets at me to no end because people seem to think I am a loser without a doubt. It sucks. However, I think what sucks even more is the amount of pressure I put on myself to fit in with them. I tend to look out at the world, and I see myself as that loser sadly because I am not like everyone else who is having sex.

I see myself as a bit uncool compared to them in the beginning because I am not like them. So, I tend to avoid anybody asking me the question by not hanging around people really. I just tend to think that people will judge me and laugh at me because I'm a virgin. It's what I have come to expect, having people laugh at me for being a virgin. I just think that I would be a pinata for being a virgin, being constantly made fun of for having never had sex. It's really why I have never dated before. It's really why I don't go out to any pubs or anything either. Well, I don't really care to, but either way. Well, I don't like to go out to any public places because I just am afraid to tell people I'm a virgin. I worry that if I were to tell people that I'm a virgin that they would just make fun of me.

Telling people I am a virgin fills me with such dread. I feel stressed over it. My stomach gets to turning in knots over it. I fret in fear just thinking about telling people I'm a virgin. So, I suppress it and refuse to ever tell a soul. It would be even more to tell them I don't want to have sex.

That's what people tend to do to virgins, and I don't want that to happen to me. I think it would just crush my spirit deep down if it were to happen. It would just be that embarrassing and painful. That is a bad place to be for me.

I put a lot of pressure on myself and judge myself because I am not interested in sex, and I feel like an alien because of it. Somedays I guess I would just like to fit in and finally be accepted by them for once. So, I understand what you are saying. It's a self-hatred position. And virginity is my shameful secret I've got buried in the closet. Very shameful secret.

I'm not particularly curious about losing my virginity at all, but I do want to lose the stigma of virginity. It stinks. So, I don't know if their questions are insulting to me, seeing as I do that enough to myself. I often condemn myself because I am a virgin. It's rough. Sometimes I do wonder if I am missing out because I haven't had sex. Sometimes I do wonder if I am a little kid who needs to grow up. Sometimes I wonder if I'm some lame loser. It all hits me, and it all kills me inside. So, I guess that's my answer.

It's just so difficult living in this world when you aren't having sex in my opinion. I just wish people could understand me and love me and not call me weird because of it. I just want to be accepted for me. My asexual virgin me.

[Tybalt]

Mom: "When am I getting grandchildren?"

Me: "Hey, are the burgers done yet?"

Or any other attempt by me to change the subject really.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

"So you're not interested in anyone, at all?"

*internal frustration at having to lie about being objectum-ace and annoyance that sexual orientation is the only one that 'counts'*

[One Winged Angel]

My most dreaded questions....

- Have you got a girlfriend YET? (it's the 'yet' that really gets to me)

- Are you really a virgin? (I'm 29 and it doesn't bother me)

- Who are you into?

- Are there any girls you like? (I like people as individuals, this question is nonsensical to me)

- Are you married? (this one happens a lot, and I hate it)

- How old were you when you lost your virginity?

- I bet you've slept around a bit, haven't you?

And one which happened out of the blue a month or so ago. I got my hair cut and one woman assumed, for no reason, that I had done so because I had a "new girlfriend". Ugh!

[UncommonNonsense]

I don't get asked stuff like this very much anymore. Maybe because I'm not all that social, tend to be rather private and introverted, and most of the people I interact with either already know me or are interacting with me on a professional basis and know that questions like that are not appropriate for the workplace.

The side of the family I interact with the most all know I'm ace. The other side of the family... well, I keep interactions with them infrequent, brief, and very surface.

Also, it could be that Canadians are notoriously polite and don't ask intrusive questions of people they don't know well.

[Parmenides]

What's wrong with you?

[Guest]

I find "do you have any kids?" far worse than "are you a virgin?"... and at a certain age - with I, being 42 now, have long since reached - that's the one you'll get asked.

Asking the former implies the latter were off the table to even be worth asking. In contrast, the latter has, and continues to be, a question I just answer with "yes, why?", without seeing any problem with it.

[Tyger Songbird]

What's wrong with you?

Oh, I hate this one so much. That one makes me so mad man. I hate that one. It's like you are not somehow cool or special if you aren't having sex. It's like once again we are "disordered" for it. It gets at me. Another question I hate and dread is the "Are you gay?" question. Apparently since I haven't been with any girls, people have started to assume that I am into guys. I sometimes feel like just getting a fake girlfriend to show them that I am not gay, but it makes me mad when they say stuff like that. I've actually had rumors start about me where people have said I was gay. Hey, I wasn't dating any girl, and I wasn't with a girlfriend apparently, so they questioned if I were gay. It's terribly tough for me.

Apparently, a person seems to be a loser if they are not with a partner or they aren't sleeping around. The fact I have no kids, no girlfriend, no wife, and I am not sleeping around is the major problem. They just don't seem to understand how I am not interested in sex at all. Or relationships either. Apparently, I am like some sort of epic failure to have never had sex to them. It makes me mad to hear them say that too.

[One Winged Angel]

What's wrong with you?

Oh, I hate this one so much. That one makes me so mad man. I hate that one. It's like you are not somehow cool or special if you aren't having sex. It's like once again we are "disordered" for it. It gets at me. Another question I hate and dread is the "Are you gay?" question. Apparently since I haven't been with any girls, people have started to assume that I am into guys. I sometimes feel like just getting a fake girlfriend to show them that I am not gay, but it makes me mad when they say stuff like that. I've actually had rumors start about me where people have said I was gay. Hey, I wasn't dating any girl, and I wasn't with a girlfriend apparently, so they questioned if I were gay. It's terribly tough for me.

Apparently, a person seems to be a loser if they are not with a partner or they aren't sleeping around. The fact I have no kids, no girlfriend, no wife, and I am not sleeping around is the major problem. They just don't seem to understand how I am not interested in sex at all. Or relationships either. Apparently, I am like some sort of epic failure to have never had sex to them. It makes me mad to hear them say that too.

I agree so much with this. I have also had people assume I was gay in the past simply because I was not actively chasing girlfriends, but thankfully this has died down now. Sometimes, a person will be nice to me and we seem to get along, then they ask the dreaded "are you married" or "do you have kids" type questions. If I am honest with them or if they find out I have no kids, no wife, and have never had sex with anybody, they change from "cool guy" to "what a sick twisted virgin loser" in the space of a millisecond.

Thankfully though, nobody has yet asked me in person the question "what is wrong with you?"

[Jme]

I suspect that typically in our society, it's probably more of a pain point for men than women. For some reason, men are expected to have sex as soon as they possibly can to become "real men", while women are sometimes actually revered for "saving themselves" (....until they reach a certain age, then there's just something wrong with them). But either way, I definitely think that people who are identified by others as male get the short end of the stick in this case.

[SquidKen]

I hate "were you abused?" And "do you masturbate?" Why is it suddenly okay to ask weirdly personal question? I mean I'll talk about anything with friends, but that's just it, with friends. Also I sometimes get "So you aren't much of a 'real' guy after all then huh?" That one is also referring to me being trans, so it just makes me angrier. I guess to be a real guy I gotta try to have sex?

[Soraiko]

What is your type?

I always give personality descriptions rather than physical descriptions. I feel uncomfortable telling people my physical preferences. It feels a little shallow, I'm afraid of how they'll react, and I don't even really know how to answer that. I'm not exactly sure what my physical preferences are anyway. It feels like a weird and oddly personal question. So I just stick with things like, someone that's nice and understanding, etc.

The whole Have you ever kissed/dated anyone? thing gets weird. Thankfully I don't really get asked it, but sometimes people don't initially believe me at first. It gets a bit annoying.

Anything involving sex habits is weird too. Like why do they want to know? I don't want to know their's, I don't even want to know about my non-existent ones.

[WünderBâhr]

Any question by a doctor or nurse involving my reproductive system or sexual activity is awkward and makes me dread being asked. Not because of the questions alone, but because of what is suggested or planned after. Women's reproductive systems are "maintained" for health reasons, just like when guys get checked for prostate stuffs. It feels awful and people get kind of judgey when you havent had kids or express discomfort at teh sex things.

[TRexPhilbo]

Any question by a doctor or nurse involving my reproductive system or sexual activity is awkward and makes me dread being asked. Not because of the questions alone, but because of what is suggested or planned after. Women's reproductive systems are "maintained" for health reasons, just like when guys get checked for prostate stuffs. It feels awful and people get kind of judgey when you havent had kids or express discomfort at teh sex things.

Thankfully, I've never had to deal with that, and probably never will. But I hate that kind of judging - what's so bad about being uncomfortable about sex!?

What is your type?

I always give personality descriptions rather than physical descriptions. I feel uncomfortable telling people my physical preferences. It feels a little shallow, I'm afraid of how they'll react, and I don't even really know how to answer that. I'm not exactly sure what my physical preferences are anyway. It feels like a weird and oddly personal question. So I just stick with things like, someone that's nice and understanding, etc.

The whole Have you ever kissed/dated anyone? thing gets weird. Thankfully I don't really get asked it, but sometimes people don't initially believe me at first. It gets a bit annoying.

Anything involving sex habits is weird too. Like why do they want to know? I don't want to know their's, I don't even want to know about my non-existent ones.

To add to the bit about types, I don't like the idea of picking someone out as you walk along the street, and mention "she's fit right?" to the people you're with. I just nod and agree, but I hate it.

It`s considered immature to be a virgin at 23? That`s just... all kinds of depressing.

I might come back to this thread...

We live in a culture where sex is everywhere. It's on TV, in the news, and freely available to anyone, as well as being a primal urge to a lot of the population. Most people are sexually active by 18 or earlier, and anything that deviates from the norm is see as "wrong".

[Blakrana]

What is your type?

I always give personality descriptions rather than physical descriptions. I feel uncomfortable telling people my physical preferences. It feels a little shallow, I'm afraid of how they'll react, and I don't even really know how to answer that. I'm not exactly sure what my physical preferences are anyway. It feels like a weird and oddly personal question. So I just stick with things like, someone that's nice and understanding, etc.

It's largely for these reasons that 'Type is a difficult subject'. Especially seeing as I know that what I do prefer, is invariably going to be mocked by the average person and the like, which is even less reason to respond.

Honestly, never been fussed by the other questions really. Though I do admittedly have the benefit that I see and encounter so few people that the questions largely never come up in the first place.

[Nylocke]

It`s considered immature to be a virgin at 23? That`s just... all kinds of depressing.

I might come back to this thread...

Yea it really is depressing and I am even older so I could only imagine.

[Squirrel Combat]

I hate asking myself why I still can't seem to get dates.

[Tyger Songbird]

It`s considered immature to be a virgin at 23? That`s just... all kinds of depressing.

I might come back to this thread...

Yea it really is depressing and I am even older so I could only imagine.

Yup I am 26, and people find me to be still immature. I have found that people do tend to look at you like a complete loser if you haven't had sex. I've had people tell me that they think nothing of it, but it is a major shock to them still. And society definitely looks down upon being a virgin for sure. Most people definitely wonder why or what's wrong with you. It's crazy.

People think so much that a virgin is not a real man or a real woman for that matter. It's like you are ugly or unattractive to be a virgin. It's so frustrating to be called ugly and not a real man. It sucks. I guess that's why I am afraid to tell people I'm a virgin. I am afraid they will laugh at me if I do.

[Ace-Alex]

My most dreaded questions....

- Have you got a girlfriend YET? (it's the 'yet' that really gets to me)

- Are you really a virgin? (I'm 29 and it doesn't bother me)

- Who are you into?

- Are there any girls you like? (I like people as individuals, this question is nonsensical to me)

- Are you married? (this one happens a lot, and I hate it)

- How old were you when you lost your virginity?

- I bet you've slept around a bit, haven't you?

And one which happened out of the blue a month or so ago. I got my hair cut and one woman assumed, for no reason, that I had done so because I had a "new girlfriend". Ugh!

I've had some of these questions in the past. Now they come from one aunt who I now avoid who seems to think weddings, marriage and kids are the be all and end all.