Dating? Yay or Nay?

[chubby turtle]

Hi, everyone. I recently realized I was asexual, which kind of explained a lot. I'm in high school right now, so everyone else is haplessly hormone-driven. The guys can't look at girls without drooling and the girls can't do the reverse without giggling and whispering something suggestive about someone being "sooooo hot." Or sometimes "steamy," you know, if they're really good-looking.

I, however, just don't get it. I have absolutely no sexual desire whatsoever (I'd be willing when I'm married and want kids, but even that's iffy and otherwise, you couldn't pay me money to do it.). The problem I am faced with is that I have strong romantic attraction to women, (I'm a guy, btw.). Think, like, candle-lit dinners, writing songs and poetry for each other, falling asleep while watching TV next to each other--cheesy stuff. Like a bad romance movie. But, as I said before, I've got no attraction, and no interest in sex. And for most people, I feel like all that other stuff just leads up to sex. At the end of those bad romance movies, they always get intimate, you know? I just feel--I don't know. Scared. I feel scared that I won't be able to find someone who just wants a relationship. Someone who'd be willing to skip right over the sex scene, and just see how our little movie ends.

Wow, that was really dumb. But you get what I'm saying, right? Anyone else know how I'm feeling? Do you think the fear is reason to avoid it (at least until I'm more prepared?). Or do you think that I should just suck it up and let life happen?

[freewill-gray]

I'd say first you have to get to know yourself fully until you start a relationship. But i think you've reached this point so far :)
If you know what you want, than only you have to do to find a person, and tell them your thoughts and preferences, and if they don't accept or want to change you, they are not your match.
Just be yourself :D

(p.s. i have the same opinion such as yours :) )

[RoseGoesToYale]

High school can be pretty tough in that everyone does seem kind of sex-crazed. But thankfully not everyone is. If you do desire a romantic relationship, don't be afraid of going for it. Best case scenario, you find someone who also wants to date but doesn't want sex or isn't as focused on it in the relationship. The reality is that there's no real way to prepare for a romantic relationship, but the nice thing about high school is that you can explore relationships and find what you're comfortable with.

I've haven't been in a relationship yet (20yo and in college), though I'd like to be, but I'm kind of glad I didn't have one in high school because there weren't very many people. If you decide to attend college after you graduate, this can make dating a lot easier since there are more diverse people and a better chance of finding someone who's also ace. Whether you decide to wait or not, bottom line is making sure you don't feel pressured into any relationship.

[blanket burrito]

I think if you want to try dating, you should, even if it scares you. Fear shouldn't hold you back from the things you value in life! I'm a bit of hypocrite for saying so, of course (I don't personally feel hopeful about finding a romantic relationship, either, and tbh I'm not trying at this point), but I think the advice stands. Most people you date, if you're just going for girls at your school, might not share the desire to skip the sex, but you've got a better chance of finding someone compatible if you actually look. I guarantee they're there somewhere. And it might be worth trying online? You'd probably have to wait til college for that, but then at least you can kind of screen for people who aren't interested in doing the do.