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Observer vs participant


Aqua Blue

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I have been thinking about this for some times and wonder if it is connected to being asexual. I always feel like I am an observer of this life not really a participant. I guess I personally think they are connected. It seems like I have spent my whole life watching life not being involved. Do others feel this way? Do you think it is at least in part because of ACE?

Some of this is probably due to not being married for a long time, not having children, feeling to some extent I can't really show people who I really am. But I don't really want to come out, I feel like my friends wouldn't be very receptive and once you say it you can't take it back. I am also a really private person.

If you don't feel that way now, have you felt that way and how did you change? Sorry for how rambley this is.

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Can relate to the feeling all too well. I wouldn't see it as a result from being ace though... such a feeling of detached observer position is pretty common to psychological and neurological states (e.g. schizoidity, being on the autism spectrum) that also often go together with a reduced or completely absent interest in partnered sex.

Honestly, I don't really care to speculate what's the chicken and what's the egg there, and either way, it's clear that there is no direct 1:1 overlap, in either direction.

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I agree. I have come to feel that my purpose here has been to observe and learn and to not disrupt the inhabitants. Almost like a scientist observing his/her experiment and trying not to interfere with it. I often wonder if there is some truth to the theory that we are all in one giant simulation and that I was assigned to observe it from the inside as an insider without memory of that assignment.

Now where did I leave my aluminum foil hat ? :D

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Ive never felt part of this world, like i didnt belong. Though i am an observer and have always tried to figure out this odd creature called humanity. Of course my feelings of not belonging could just be my own lack of self worth, but who knows.

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Blue Phoenix Ace

I am keenly aware that I am here to do more than just observe. Everything we do has an effect on the lives of others. I think we should do our best to create a net positive energy in the world while we're here. If more people did this, we could erase the world's evil. That might be a bit simplistic or idealistic, but I believe it's true.

I think this feeling is related to a near death accident that really scrambled my perspective. After that, I decided to live my life purposefully instead of just doing whatever came down the road to me. Before, I was just kind of going through the motions without any intent.

I don't think this has any relation with being asexual though.

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  • 1 month later...

I definitely feel this way quite a lot. I try to find experiences that are unique and real to make sure that I'm participating in life. Being an introvert doesn't really help with this though, so I can easily become a wall flower. In certain situations where socialising is expected like special occasions, I turn to alcohol to help me through, it's far from a common occurrence though.

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Anthracite_Impreza

I feel like this quite a lot; I suppose that's why I like playing sim games so much *shrugs*

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UncommonNonsense

I've always felt like I have little to no connection with the social world of non-autistics. For me, being around neurotypicals has always made me feel like I'm observing another species entirely. When I was a kid/teen I often wondered if I was some sort of alien mistakenly incarnated into a human body. While I have learned to mimic neurotypical social behaviours well enough that strangers often don't realize I'm autistic until we've spent considerable time in each other's company, that stuff doesn't come easily to me and requires a huge amount of cognitive energy for me to do. Plus, it isn't rewarding to me. Lots of effort and exhaustion, little intrinsic reward. Because of that, I usually prefer to observe from a distance instead of directly participating. And as I observe, I pick up on things that will allow me to mimic even better the next time I do so.

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To Each Their Own

When I was nine I remember having very strong feelings that I didn’t belong in my family. I thought that they were just some random strangers that some aliens had dropped me off with so they could observe me in some sort of experiment. That was the only reasonable explanation I could come up with for why I just felt so different from everybody else. It also explained why relationships with other people (school mates, teachers, unrelated adults, etc.) felt so fake, I also remember feeling as if it wasn’t safe to express these thoughts to “people” around me. Maybe I watched too many episodes of the Twilight Zone as a kid or something, I don’t know. But yes, I too eventually learned to “say and do the right things” and it also left me feeling exhausted and needing to spend several hours in a dark room with no noise. People exhaust me! Crowds do me in!

So, if being around so much energy is so physically painful for me even now, why even bother trying to be a participant? Well, the answer for me is that my circumstances have changed a bit since I was nine. Even if aliens have dropped me here...this is now my home for the time being. I may as well make the best of it (no matter if they are watching me or not, LOL). I still don’t feel any closer to my family than I did when I was nine, and I’ve stopped trying (I don’t think it’s ever going to happen). However, I have made progress making genuine friendship connections where I’m not faking the interactions --- I’m actually participating in friendships! I’m still a very private person at work (still haven’t managed to figure out those interactions), but I am learning that my “observer” mask that I wear is more of a shield to keep their chaotic energy away from me. At 48, I’m still a work in progress.

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I have been thinking about this for some times and wonder if it is connected to being asexual. I always feel like I am an observer of this life not really a participant. I guess I personally think they are connected. It seems like I have spent my whole life watching life not being involved. Do others feel this way? Do you think it is at least in part because of ACE?

Some of this is probably due to not being married for a long time, not having children, feeling to some extent I can't really show people who I really am. But I don't really want to come out, I feel like my friends wouldn't be very receptive and once you say it you can't take it back. I am also a really private person.

If you don't feel that way now, have you felt that way and how did you change? Sorry for how rambley this is.

You could be in the autism spectrum, in fact it looks like that.

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thanks for all the comments, it is nice to know I am not alone. I too always felt like the outsider in my family of origin. I still do to some degree. When the other three are together I observe how connected they seem and I don't relate.

I have wondered about the asergers spectrum. I have also been reading a lot about Meyers Briggs personality inventories. I have taken the test on multiple sites and always come up with INFJ. what I have read about that seems to point to many of us feeling that way, that gave me some insight. coupling INFJ with asexuality and I can see why I don't feel connected! ONce every 20 years or so, I meet someone(male or female) that I feel a connection with, but they are few and far between. I will be 80 the next time that happens, if it goes on schedule, lol!

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cavalier080854

I've always felt that I don't sit at humanities table. And sit a little to one side looking on. My friends who know me as asexual, invite me to sit at the table with them.

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cavalier080854

I score in The Meyers Briggs either INTJ or INTP depending on how long it's been since I've been at work.

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I always felt an alien in my family of birth, and still do. I hardly have contact with my siblings at all.

But out there in the world, outside of my family of birth, I did find others like me.

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I always felt an alien in my family of birth, and still do. I hardly have contact with my siblings at all.

But out there in the world, outside of my family of birth, there are others like me.

I Feel that way about my family of birth too. Ihave a lot to do with them, I actually just ate lunch with my two brothers. I feel like the three of them are their own separate family from me...they seem closer to each other than I feel to them.
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Yes, I also feel an outsider with my siblings.

They are all dedicated sexuals, married with children, so they have a lot in common to talk about.

While I live alone now, and never had children.

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I feel that i am almost always im the way for people.

And i don't really feel like I fit in when we have family/relative dinners and things like that. They talk about relationships and things like that which i have nothing to contribute with. I am close to my patents and siblings though but when the rest of the family is there it feels just like i am not there.

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